Alvin: What a blunder...

I am saddened by Alvin's conduct. 

Background: http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?sec=nation&file=/2012/10/19/nation/12196590

I am truly disappointed, Alvin. You are a law student. The the NUS (highly ranked university in Asia). But alas, you have failed yourself and Vivian - and of course, brought a bad name to your law school.

You see Alvin - for the life of me, I could not understand. Why didn't you bloody claim copyright to the videos?  There was no copyright info. Was it on your blog? You should put a water mark (C) 2012 Alvivian. 

Yes, that way - any bastard who publishes video grabs and photos from your blog could be sued by you and/or Vivian. That way, they will be the sorry ones. But no, who cares about it now? You could have even used DMCA against them. 

Instead, I saw Gutteruncensored publishing an email from Vivian - asking them to remove the videos. Certainly, Gutteruncensored could not be bothered. Not so, if it was copyright violation. Better yet, if you could mark the vidoes P&C. Then, do them in for privacy violation too. Hell, even Kimdotcom is harassed for copyright matters. Copyright is very powerful.

One has to know how to protect himself. For crying out loud, you are a law student. Use it to your advantage. Use it to your fullest extent. Don't let people take credit (and sell more newspapers) while exploiting your works.

(C) 2012 Uncle Hamsap Goldfish.

Manage not Lecture

Here's another of my ramblings on workplaces. One culture that's missing from the Malaysian workplace is peer review. Now, here it is again - peer review. We know what review means. How about peer? It means People who are equal in such respects as age, education or social class.

What that means is, before (as an example), an engineer submits his drawings to his manager for approval, he does a review with his engineering colleague. Not boss, not supervisor, but someone else at his level. That's called peer review. 

In Malaysia, and to a large extend Asian countries, Managers ended up being lecturers. They get report will full of errors, spelling mistakes, etc. I have been there. I have seen, other managers, throwing entire stack of reports out of their rooms. Not the best - but I can understand. Not one sentence without error. Manager gets mad, and the whole stack flies out of the door into the corridor. 

Other managers end up being lecturers or teachers. Correctly typo, correcting ideas, plans and what-not. So, how come managers end up being like pre-school teachers? When they do it to me repeatedly, I will ask them if I could dock their pay, and make them pay a school fees instead. Of course, sometimes, I would just want them on my knees and give them a good spanking. But I do keep such unprofessional thoughts to my mind. I however must admit I have had such thoughts. Moving on.

Executives themselves are to blame, some times. For example, some would say "You think you are my boss ah, correcting my mistakes?". Then, we also get the "Why should I make you smart? Then, you get the promotion and not me.". If you, as a Manager, notices that, please fire the whole lot. These are individual bastards - not team players or team members.

So, as Managers, please start a culture of peer review. Reward those who seek reviews. Reward those who give good reviews. Those who give proper and constructive reviews should be ear-marked for promotion. 

Yeah - some will say, "I am so smart, no need to review". Go coach him, or get rid of him too. As smart as Newton is, he was proven wrong by a guy called Einstein. Frankly, I expect one day, some smart Alex will prove Einstein wrong. Only then, we will have progress.

And the, there is always a bitchy (can be a guy or gal - guy bitches too). "Everyone is so busy / unfriendly. No one wants to review my work for me". If everyone is being unhelpful or unfriendly to this one guy - I suspect this gal or guy has issues. Unless of course, he or she is being bullied by the rest. In any case, Management needs to intervene fast.

Managers are here to approve, coach and guide - not have red-ink pens to correct work from subordinates. Executives must learn how to work with peers and get peer reviews before finalizing and submitting work to their Managers.

The saddest part is, I have seen so many Managers go "Oh. My subordinates are idiots. The work they submit is full of mistakes. I have to correct them till past mid night.". Learn to work smart, and spend more time with you wife / mistress at home la. Or get a good massage. There is more to live than correcting other people's mistakes over and over again.

Censorship In the Workplace

Could I say that most of us disagree to censorship? And we support free-speech? I would think so. I personally hate censorship. But alas, it happens very often in the workplace and some of us are guilty of promoting censorship in the workplace.

Last week, I got an instruction: Please don't talk to the executives. Instead, go through their managers. Otherwise, the executives will be confused. They won't know how to listen to. They will carry out work without authorization from their managers. This results in executives doing work that their managers have no knowledge of, or have a different priority for.

Now, think about it. It is sure logical. Come on, how many of us (if you are in management) do that? Vendors, consultants, staff from other departments, need to talk to you first instead of directly to your down-line?

I know, I know - it's logical. But please, re-read - very carefully, the text in italics. 

Now, what's the root cause of the problem? The root cause is any of the following:

• Executives fail to discuss work plan with manager (before taking action on feedback executive has received).
• Poor manager - executive relationship. If the relationship was good, surely the executives will discuss work with their manager effectively.
• Executives failed to analysis and think critically on feedback / discussion made in the meetings. Instead, some of them swallow hook, line and sinker; then making changes to their work plan without informing their manager.
• Executives fail to understand that they must report their work / minutes of meeting to their managers.

This illustrates what happens when I talk to the executives directly, in meetings.  None of it, is because I talked directly to the Executives. I did not tell them to rebel against their Managers. Neither did I dictate orders to them. Even if I did, they should have the brains to think about it. So, the Managers have mixed up cause and effect. The cause, is the four points which I have stated. Effect of course, is the paragraph in italics.

So, they say - yup - the most logical thing is, stop his Uncle from talking to the Executives. It's like banning arm pits shown on Malaysian TV - as some horny old goat might rape their grand-daughters after seeing the arm-pits or some cleavage. Absolute nut case. But, are we being nut-cases ourselves in the office? Do we issue such instructions to our subordinates (executives)?

Executives must be trained and groomed to be Senior Executives, and perhaps even Managers in days to come. One must not keep them in the dark, keep them isolated from opinions and feedback, and censor input to their professional minds. Executives must be able to think, review and discuss matters. If they were just a dumb bunch taking instructions from a supervisor, that would be a operator (factory workers) - supervisor relationship. Do we really want them that dumb? And then bitch about how hopeless staff is?

If you do find that the paragraph in italics is true, then coach your Executives properly. Not just hide them away from the real world. Send them to more meetings (without their Managers present), ask them to talk more to vendors, consultants, etc. Then, coach them on how to manage such feedback or instructions. Instill on them the importance to discuss things with the team (including the Manager) before unilaterally changing work plans and what not. That's how to solve the problem.

Of course, some say - my executive is too stupid for that. I better hide them. Well, who's the stupid one? The one who hired Mr. Idiot or Mr Idiot? And on top of that, if the Manager was that smart, surely he is smart enough to even teach and coach Mr. Idiot. And if Mr. Idiot is being a real Mr. Idiot despite the best training and coaching - for heaven sake, please fire him. What do you keep real idiots around for? Keeping him isolated doesn't make him smart - he is still an idiot. (Assuming he is a real idiot). Either way, censorship is not the solution.(just like the horny old goat - instead of raping grand daughters when they see cleavage, now they might just rape after seeing dogs copulate or a pussy cat licking itself. All the censorship has failed to get rid of the real problem. If anything, it makes it worse. Give them some hardcore porn, the only injury would be to their own wrist).

The real solution is to have more 'free speech', and not more censorship. I certainly hope this has helped. Do think about it, seriously.

Freedom of Speech

Well well. Mr. Atkinson on a very serious subject; and he speaks extremely well on the subject.

He absolutely right. We must be able to take insults; and give it back. Do listen - and yes, there are a number of lessons we can all learn.

Oh my...

 

What the. How could this be right? Kiss THIS, it shouts. For goodness sake, please change it to Kiss These, unless it is on your panties.

Sigh. I am not perfect. But grammar has really gone down the gutters. Absolute horror. Now, if one cannot say something correctly, just bite your tongue.

 

Sexual Detox: Make cum sweeter

I am quite sure I have written about this before, but no harm in writing this again.

I prefer to write based on sexperience, so, I am only writing what guys can do. I have no clue what gals can do for sexual detox. The chief complain is bad semen taste, and worse still - discourage the gals to go down on the guy. For guys, besides keeping our tools clean, and healthy, it is also important to keep the taste pleasant (as possible).

So, here it goes:

1. Stop smoking. I do not smoke. Ciggie smoke is full of toxin. Ever tried drinking out of a used ashtray? Enough said.
2. No alcohol for guys for about a week. Alcohol inhibits sex in men
3. More or some alcohol for girls. Alcohol increases sexual desire in females. But again, I do not encourage this. I believe sex is best when both are in full control but yet very consenting to all sorts of ideas.
4. Drinks lots of water. Keep hydrated. It increases cum volume - which makes it more pleasurable for the guy. And dilutes the cum - making it easier to swallow (no pun intended). (for 24 hours)
5. Pineapple juice, to make it sweet. (at least  3 days)
6. Cinnamon. This improves taste tremendously. Years ago, I use to get cinnamon tablets from US. Now, it is easily available in Malaysia. Take cinnamon tablets for at least 3 days, if not long term.
7. Avoid meat (red meat) and fish. Urgggh. Moving on....
8. This item is tough. For guys to enjoy it more, abstain from sex / cum for three days. If your gal likes it, keep it for her too. If the gal does not like it, well - don't take the "first load". The second shot for the day is usually less in volume, and less thick.
9. Citrus and cranberries are said to be good too... 
10. And yeah - for guys who want a big shot, take zinc tablets - once a day. But don't overdose ah. The natural option would be oyster, but that's seafood (See number 7).
11. Guys can also take some L-arginene and L-lysine supplements. Helps with volume. Again, please don't overdose.
12. Viagra? If you gal is good and the guy is healthy, forget it. Some say horny goat weed helps too. To me, horny gals are better.

Personally, I practise steps 2 to 8 (8 as in keep it for her). 2 is easy - I don't love to drink unless I am in Germany. Step 3 does not apply to guys.
Have fun!

Vivian: Blowjob Queen

Firstly - a great step to freedom of speech and good to see you are publishing your sexual escapades. It is time to show censors that they do not have a place in modern society.

http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2012/10/17/nation/12182362&sec=nation

http://www.gutteruncensored.com/

I have reviewed the video, titled "Alvin And Vivian Second Sex Video - Blowjob Queen". Let's be fair - I have no idea who gave the title to the video. Was it a third party, or was it Vivian. You see, Vivian, let's get to the hard facts. I have to break it to you - the performance is hardly (no pun intended) the standard of a blowjob queen. It was rather elementary. It's great to see CIM, but didn't see you swallowing. Here are some tips  to being a true blowjob queen.

1. Too much hand. Vivian, you were jerking him too much. It's like a rushed job (trying to get him to finish so that you are done with your task). A true BJ queen will have the "no hands" technique. Yup, only mouth till the happy ending. If you can do this in a go, use a timer. Try 2 mins, then 3 mins, then 5 mins.
2. I hear you ask... but what should my hands be doing? Well, if you are not into the kinky stuff, he won't have to cuff you. Tip #1 for hands. Butterfly touch. Touch him very very lightly with the tips of your finger on his tights, inner tights, tummy, chest and yes, even his nipples. See him squirm. Then, you might decide to cuff him if he doesn't behave.
3. Keep some long fingernails on one hand. About 1cm long. Very lightly scratch him from chess to balls, including inner tights. Repeat. Alternate with butterfly touch.
4. If he is up to it (pun intended), give him a prostate massage. Google it.
5. No passion. You have to suck on it as if your life depended on it. Be more GFE (girlfriend experience). Smile more. Look at him seductively when you blow him.
6. Lick slowly. Suck slowly. Take your time. Enjoy it. Don't rush.
7. Learn about other techniques, including:
1. Fire and Ice
2. Air Cond
3. Mouthwash / Listerine (it might sting for him)
4. Ice Cream dick & balls
5. Humming (the vibration feels great especially when it's deep throat)
8. Show off your deep throat skills. No, don't cheat on him. Use a banana, or a dildo. Go Google "ideepthroat". Now, she is the deep throat queen.
9. Try various positions 
• 68 (same as 69, but he doesn't give you oral pleasure)
• 69
• Standing 69
• Face fcuk (Lie down, with your head leaned over the edge of your bed. You get the idea)
• With him sitting. With him on all fours. You bending over. Be creative.
10. You missed his balls. Suck it, lick it. Suck one in. Suck both in.
11. Rimming. Enough said. 
12. Lick belly button, suck his nipples. Kiss him everywhere. 
13. Be the Queen - be in control. Bring him to the edge. Know when to slow down. Keep him on the edge. Give him his happy ending only when you want him to be happy.
14. Use your boobs / nipples. It's OK if you can't give him a boob fcuk. Rub your nibbles very lightly on his tights. Pole dance on his leg when you blow him. 
15. Don't be like a cheap porn movie. You don't have to show the money shot. Just suck hard and swallow. 
16. Be a real Queen - be in full control. He is young - he won't need a break. Show that you can keep him hard after his happy ending. Then, ride him; and whatever positions you want. After riding (but don't make him end first), repeat steps 2 to 15. If you can, repeat this again (3 happy endings?). I know, in fairly tales, it is only one happy ending per story. But this is the real world. We can have a few happy endings (or sometimes, not happy at all).
17. Now, you are a BJ Queen. Don't believe it can be done? Believe you me, Vivian. It can be done. Damn nice. And yes, you will have him on a leash by then. 
18. Tongue exercise. Consider them - but it doesn't involve Alvin. This would be essential for lesbians or rimming. I find tongue push ups really build up the muscle of my tongue. Take a retractable pen and hold it in your mouth with your teeth and lips so the pen end is pointing out. Then use your tongue to repeatedly "click" the pen. Do it as fast and for as long as you can. Take a break when necessary and repeat. Using the spring that controls the pen works well, and nobody will guess you're practicing for oral! or Get a shot glass (the kind you pour some whiskey in) and practice reaching the bottom.
19. Another exercise: Tie a cherry stem.
20. And yeah - start by undressing him only with your mouth. Better still, if he is wearing a belt.

Don't be discourage. It's a great movie from Malaysia / Singapore. However, do refrain from using the title Asian Blowjob Queen for the time being.

I hope my comments are not too hard for you to swallow. In the mean time, I wish you well, lots of fun with his crown jewels and you get to be your Asian Blowjob Queen one day.

Don't get too many ideas ok. It's just a lick.

Wow. She is fast too. Must be a damn good kisser.

How not to cheat

This is amusing:

http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2012/10/16/nation/12176841&sec=nation

Why would she enable her friend to have a friend finder function on her? And obviously, the hubby knew about it. So, hubby ask friend, to go searching for her. This brings "tangkap basah" to a whole new level. They took all the trouble to go to Johor for some fun - but she had friend finder enabled.

Or consider this fellow....

He checks into Woodhouse Sri Hartamas. We all know what that is for. Body to body massage. The hamsap kind. And yet, he checks in using this whatever software. And yeah - he has checked in 3 times in the last 60 days. Something must be attractive.

I can only wonder - whatever this software is, will it publish the check in time and date.... "Oh, Mr. Scumbag - that's what you mean by over time eh?"

I know this software is real popular. I absolutely hate it. I do not use it. I won't let it track me just like that. I sure hope this Kelvin Y (with photo some more) isn't married. Or perhaps his friends helped him check-in to prank him. "My bloody boss scold me today...wait la...now I help him check-in to Hospital Bahagia..."

All in all, I hate this kind of public info. Why on earth would be tell everyone we are in Starbucks? Will someone drop by to buy you drinks? I doubt it. In other words - nothing good can come out of it. If it doesn't do us any good, why do it - especially when it can seriously harm us.

Still hot.... Very hot.

Have fun. They are real hot.

Miss P: Yet another surprise

So, I have been bedding P for some time. About three months now. She likes it raw. Swallows. Everything hot, you name it, she loves it. Outwardly, she looks like same. Didn't change the way she dresses. Still just as polite, never aggressive. Friendly. Drops by my place twice a week. Never overnight. She has only one thing on her mind, and we are both very clear on that.

We just finished one passionate session, still hugging and kissing. She always wanted bf-gf sex: raw. Occasionally, she wanted happy endings with me inside her. She liked the warm-feel. That's fine with me - we have discussed the risk analysis and risk mitigation. She usually (no clue where she learns it from) sucks me off first (CIM); so that I can last longer when we xxx.

Anyway, back to her hugging me, kissing each other. That satisfied smile. The sweat from all the hard work.

Then she told me, "I want to get married".

I nearly died of a heart attack.

There I was. Naked. Both naked. Still very wet. Just finished inside her. And she wants to get married. What the...

Fortunately, she continued. "I have been dating this guy for years. We will be getting married soon."

I nearly died of a heart attack, again.

I did suspect she have had relationships, or had just broken off one. I mean, for such an attractive (both physically and inner self), surely there would have been guys. Or gals if she was a lesbian. (No, she is not).

I couldn't react. Firstly, I was tired about that session. Next, I am still trying to recover from my two near-heart attacks. Three, if you counted the vigorous workout before this conversation - more like a monologue from her.

For once in my life, I decided to shut-up. There are still plenty of questions. Why didn't she do it with her bf? Why not wait till her wedding? Why me? (Please don't tell me she read about me. I won't believe that for half a second). Does she want me to get her pregnant so that she can marry the boyfriend? But why me? And after all, the guy will already marry her. No need for some Iking plot. I am not the most attractive guy. Not rich. Not that nice. Not the best in bed. Never have been that close or friendly with her. We only communicated again after I saw her promotion on Linked. (Who says we needed Adult Friendfinder for fun?).

Just to be clear - she knows we don't have a bf-gf relationship, and she knows I have someone. She is planning for her wedding. And yes, it's with that guy, not me. They registered very recently. She published that on Facebook, with plenty of photographs. I refrained from commenting on that post due to the awkwardness of it all. I have not met that guy in person. She still drops by twice a week. Just as passionate, hot and horny as ever. Still rides hard. Still raw. Still very puzzling for me but it is in a good way.

By the way, the wedding is in December. Damn interesting to see if I get invited. The mind boggles.

Miss P: The Hottest in Bed

The best and gal I have had so far...

It has been years since I have met P. Never had any sexual relations with her, or any serious relationship for that matter. We were just acquaintance. Recently, she was promoted in her workplace, in a MNC no less. I teased her. To celebrate, I said, she could buy me lunch.

So, I had lunch with her. It wasn't anything special. She was nice to me. Anyway, we decided to go to Melaka together for a trip. Day trip, that is. That would be two weeks after our lunch 'date'.

Fast forward: On the way to Melaka. I was driving. Somewhere near Seremban, she removed her seat belt, leaned on me and starting hugging me. I was totally surprised. Not a hint that was coming. We weren't even flirting (oh come on.... just take my word for it). Kissing me lightly. Gosh. It was really erotic. I did get some strangest and priceless looks from other drivers. Now now. Don't get too imaginative. It was just hugging and some very light kisses.

A bit on P. She has a fantastic figure. Curves in the right places. Tall for a girl. Pretty. Fair. Polite. Well educated. Sexy. She dresses rather conservatively. Nothing short. No deep cleavage. That's why I am completely surprised. She's in her very early 30s.

To cut a long story short, we walked round Melaka, hand in hand like lovers. Sometimes, it was closer. My arms around her waist. Anyway, I sent her back to her place (it was a day trip) later that night. Nothing happened. Well, another way to look at it is, a lot has happened.

A few days later, she took up my invitation to visit me. Not long after, she was all over me, and yes, we ended up in bed. She started getting really hamsap on me. Kissing, hands all over me. French kiss, hips gyrating against my body. Yes, she was on top of me. At this stage, she has to be about the wildest gal I have ever met. Totally surprised me, but in a good way. I never expected her to so hot and wild.

Being a good gal, I have suspected it, but it was then confirmed. The real surprise is her hymen was still in tack. I explored carefully. I whispered "First time?" She only managed a "Mmmmm". Of course, I was very gentle with her (more like I had to slow her down). She enjoyed herself a lot and continued to be really hot. She loved it hard. Stained my bedsheets, but I ain't complaining.

So, here I am thinking...wow. So, the hottest gal has to be all these virgins with all the sexual energy pent up for years. I don't care how sexy a 18 year old dresses up, but nothing can beat this girl. As the saying goes - never judge a book by its cover.

Yes, she does drop by frequently. Tried almost anything and everything, no holes left a virgin. Judging from her bedroom skills and attitude, she could easily be the next porn star. I love it when she goes...."Dear, can I ______ you. I want to practice more". All I can say is, no need for Viagra or Cialis.

Massage in Kemuning

It's bloody not easy to find a good massage in Kemuning or Shah Alam. Tired. Dead tired. Had a quick bite. It was already 10pm. Yes, it had been a long day - out of bed before 6am and there isn't anything sexy to it.

So, after a quick bite - I noticed, a new massage place. Hint on location: It's in Kota Kemuning. It's near a Subway (The sandwich place, not the New York Metro system), a Vietnamese food, a bakery and a tyre shop.

I walked in. First thing: The price. It was bloody expensive. I cannot remember if it is RM 70 or RM 80 per hour. That's very expensive for a massage. Since there were couples (husband and wife) having their massage, it would mean that this place is for massage only.

Anyway, I decided to try it for an hour. The masseur, came in. Rather polite, and all - BUT - she has almost zero experience. Important note: this is a new place. It's easy to tell if she is new. After a few minutes of massage, she starts to pant. Compare to Xiao Hong - she could give a hard massage and she will still be chatting, with no sign of fatigue. (Xiao Hong did tell me... on good, or some say bad, days, she has to work for a total of 10 hours or more. With breaks of course, but still - it's kind of physical).

Back to this story. The masseur was getting tired. The massage was painful (what I call thumbs of death), using only her thumbs to apply sharp pressure. When I told her it hurts, she tries to massage more gentle, but alas, her strength setting is either hard, or hard. She doesn't know how to control it.

Not bad enough, some massuers outside are free, and starts talking loudly to each other. It's fine if the patrons talk - nothing much we could do about that. But for goodsake - please shut up or talk outside if you happen to be a staff. The cashier/OKT joined in the conversation. I had zero interest in it, and it's not what I wanted to hear at the end of my day. If I wanted to hear some talk, I would listen to my clients as they have to bloody pay me to listen.

If you think that's as bad as it gets - you are dead wrong. The cashier / OKT starts smoking. For proper massage places (and even some hanky panky ones), it's very likely a smoke free environment. Imagine - you lying there, someone torturing your back with her thumbs, two clowns yapping away and now, they try to smoke you out.

I mean, if it is a family place or proper massage place - why turn it into a third rate pub. Imagine - if the wife or husband goes for a massage, then goes home...

"Honey, where did you go?"
"Massage"
"Bullshit.... you smell like an ashtray. So tell me....who's the bitch? / Are you working as a freelance GRO?*"


*potong yang tidak berkenaan

In summary, it would have been cheaper and more pleasurable to get my dog to walk on me.
And no, there was no happy ending, no happy starting and not happy at all.