Bad Habit: Mind your own Business

I have seen this in Nible2. There was a financial crunch. Suddenly, every manager, every clown acts like the Finance Director. How so? They stop hiring, sighting the lack of money. They stop buying equipment.

Hello? Why on earth should the R&D Manager do the work of the Finance Controller? The work of the R&D Manager is to see if the purchase is necessary. Then, find out what's best to buy for the company. Compare products. Ensure the products work. Work out the utilization if purchased. Work out alternatives if the company cannot purchase - rent it, or the simple beg, borrow or steal. Try to avoid the last option. What are the justifications for purchase? Return of investments? And what happens if the purchase is not made. In any case, all these must be done regardless of the financial situation of the company.

Then, you get a fucked up Finance Manager doing the work of the R&D Manager. The Finance Manager would ask why is the equipment needed. Are you sure you need it? I mean, fuck it. Unless the R&D Manager is buying dildos for his staff, or anal plugs, please do not ask such moronic questions. If the R&D Manager hasn't done his job, tell him to do his part - as stated above. Don't try to do his work.

I have seen endless chaos. HR trying to figure out how many staff should be in production and how to use staff better. Hello. You have your production manager. If he or she is doing a bad job, fire him / her. Then, get a new Production Manager. Don' try to act smart. You are in HR for a reason.

HR Managers and Finance must remember their roll. Their roll is a supporting roll. If someone needs staff, their job is to find the best staff. If the company needs financing, the job is to get the money. R&D too. Their bloody job is to do R&D. Don't bloody ask - is the product necessary? If you are given your task, just do it.

So, who exactly decides what to design or manufacture for the company? It should be Marketing. Marketing must do it's research on customers. See what customers want. Then, they will do a proposal, including investment required and returns. This should be submitted to the Board of Directors for approval. Once approved, Marketing must brief all, including Finance and HR on what the new product is all about. Sell them the idea. Then, all departments must strive to deliver - not poke holes at the proposal. If you want to poke holes, do it before the damn thing is approved. The approval process should cater for feedback.

This is the only way forward. Not try to tear things apart. Imagine - every department trying to tear each other apart. They act in their own best interest. They don't want to do the extra mile. Look around you - this is all too close to home.

Bad Habit: Team Work

Teamwork itself is not a bad habit. But really, try asking yourself. What is teamwork?

Most people would say - when you are in a team, you must do your part. Hmmm. I say, bullshit. That's not teamwork. That's a damn selfish definition of teamwork. Teamwork really means that working in a team, when your teammates slack or is unable or unwilling to perform, you take up the slack. In other words, you do more.

No bloody use in pointing out who is doing less. Or complaining that it's not fair you have to do more. News flash. Life isn't fair. I am unsure if death is. So, get use to the idea that life is not fair.

I now have my own company. I enjoy working with my business partners. We all contribute in different ways. Sometimes, they cannot attend meetings - I will attend those. I won't mind when they cannot attend the meetings. Sometimes, I am not able to attend the meetings. That's OK too. If we truly work as a team, we fill in the blanks for each other. Not bloody shoot at each other.

At times, managers are also to blame. Even CEOs are to blame. When someone tries to do more, they say - just do your job. That's someone else's problem. In a team, there is no such thing as someone else's problem. It is everyone's problem. But it may not be your business. For example, if I had argue with my girlfriend last night, I would be in poor spirits today and one way or another, if will affect my performance. That will affect the whole team. But it is none of their business what the argument was about. So, if you can help me out that much on a bad day, do it.

The key is really - to recognize the problem and to realize what is our business or is it someone else's issue. If it is a financial issue, realize it. That would be beyond your job scope, but see how you can work as a team to help out. An informal discussion over lunch with Finance would be a start. But please don't start by sending bloody emails.

So, how exactly do you define teamwork? Do you help others when you complete your task? Or stand there and laugh at others suffer when you are free? Always remember - it is better to be in the position to help than to ask for help. So, help when you can.

Bad Habits: What managers should do

A lot fail to understand the role of a manager. Everyone wants to be a manager, but really - what is the job scope of a manager? A manager is to manage. That's clear. But how to manage? What do you start to do to manage?

I have seen so many teams fall apart. Some fast. Some suffer a slow death. Why to teams or sections fall apart? Why do companies fail to meet their goal? How can managers help? The answer is real simple. Managers must start with giving a clear direction. Clear directors to everyone is dead important. I have some statistics to prove it.

Let's say there are 10 persons in the team. Most team have about that many person. If everyone has a 90% correct understanding of the team's goal, the team is almost doomed. Why? Statistically, the chances of reaching the goal is only about 35%. That's 0.9 to the power of 10. Mind you, 90% understanding isn't bad for an individual, but as a team, that's real bad.

If you have a team of 5 with each individual's understanding of the goal 80% correct, the chances of success are 32%. However, if there are 5 members with an 90% correct understanding of goals, the chances of success would now be about 60%.

This clearly shows that small groups are easier to manage. More importantly, the manager's roll is really to make damn sure everyone has at least a 99% percent of correct understanding of the goals and objective of the team. Once the understanding is clear, things will move along better. Not trouble free, but at least the chances are better.

So, what's the success factor of your team?

Bad Habit : No response

Working in Nible2 has caused me to pick up some nasty habits. I have left Nible2 for almost 2 years now. I was fortunate enough to have someone point out some of the nasty habits I have picked up. Sadly, some of my good friends in Nible2 are still stuck with those nasty habits. I intend to write about these habits and hope it is useful to someone out there. Mind you, these habits are rampant - not just in Nible2.

So, the first habit I will write about is No Response, or known as NR. NR is a classification of dead chips when they do not respond to the test signals or respond with a power up sequence.

A lot of people has this NR habit. They do not acknowledge emails. No response to SMS. When they say they will call back, they don't. They do not pick up calls. Basically, NR.

This is very bad etiquette. If you are busy, just say "I got your email. I will read it in detail later as I am busy." That would be fine. Or reply to an SMS. It does not take a lot of time to reply. Come on - it would take 30 seconds at most. And yet, these are the people who will go home on time or spend hours for their lunch. I am OK with that, but please reply to messages.

A lack of response shows an indifference attitude. If you pick up these bad habits, you mind end up doing it to your loved ones. Bad habits usually will not have limits. They will extend to all concerns. And this is when it will seriously screw up one's life. In the competitive world, it is a huge difference between no response and a response. Most people out there are talking about the right response, and yet we have idiots who have NR.

Bank Review

Not talking about the financial disaster on which bank is better, but back to basics. A couple of days ago, I needed to buy a bank draft. Personally and for business, I bank with Maybank.

First, I went into Alliance Bank. After taking a queue number, I asked the cashier gal for the form. She gave me one. Complete it. Waited for more than 30 minutes before it was my turn. Guess what? She asked me for my account number. I said, I am not a customer. What the eff? She said that bank drafts are sold only to customers. I was mad. Firstly, I have already waited for 30 minutes. Secondly, the bloody form said I could pay by cash - meaning, I didn't need an account there. Thirdly, it is a paid service - meaning, I have to pay them or I have to buy it. The draft isn't for free. Buggered by Alliance. Long queue and super 'unfriendly' rules. Just imagine - I am not their customer now and they give me the shits. What do you think? I will sign up with them tomorrow? This could well be a case for the F-bomb.

Next stop was UOB. Singaporean bank in Malaysia. Worse still. Only one cashier working. So, the wait would have been long. Asked another office and guess what, the fellow hasn't got a clue if I could buy the bank draft.So, no UOB bank for me either.

Third - Hong Kong Bank. No queue. Super fast service but alas, they only sold it to customers. What the heck. Again, I have no idea why couldn't they be nice to non account holders. Last check, I have more liquid cash to loan out compared to some banks.

Finally, I went back to Maybank. Deciding to test them, I just completed the form to purchase the draft - didn't disclose anything that I have an account with them. I waited only for less than 5 minutes and it was my turn. No questions asked, just the money for the amount of the draft plus a fee. That's what I call being professional. Just simple business - demand and supply. No grandfather's story nor grandmother's requirements.

Nett nett, I guess I will stay with Maybank for some time to come. The rest of the lousy banks ( I like Public Bank too) can go F themselves. Imagine the irony of them, spending tonnes of money with marketing and promotions trying to get people to use their credit cards, and when you walk into a bank for a core transaction, they piss you off. Their marketing managers should really take note. Till then, my message to them is, F off!

Marketing Decree

Wow, I have so much to blog about, all of a sudden. Had a great weekend but it would have been better if I had sex. Sadly, no sex was involved. Anyway, more about the good stuff later. Comedy takes precedence.

Just completed a meeting - I am suppose to be the chairperson, but Madam C took over. I was kind of glad too. One of our products is facing some problems and we are not sure if it is a real problem or not. The initial plan was to cover all angles, but Madam C knew better. The customer has been complaining like crazy on our product, on product failure, etc. However, the customer has been doing a bad job of filing a proper complain, that is to return defects to us.

Naturally, part of the task is to find out if there are indeed defects. That was part of my plan. However, the plan also included matters related to public perception. As marketing, perception is everything.

Alas. Madam C decreed that only quality matters. Perception can take a backseat. Wow. This must be the first time I've heard from marketing that perception is not important - in her exact words. So, now, there is a decree out there. Quality is everything. Stuff perception.

Author's note: I completely disagree. It should be hand in hand. As far as marketing is concern, perception is everything. Quality is the effing QA Manager's job. Sure, we help, but it is his job. Our job is perception. So, heaven help Nible2.

They appear to forget that when it comes to buying, it is all about perception. Same goes for dating. Same goes for interviews. Is quality everything? No. Take bottled water for example. Heck, water is till water. We pay tonnes for water that we perceive to be better. To be cleaner. Do we know for sure? Heck no. As far as quality is concerned, as long as the bottled water does not stink or taste bad, we will buy it just because we perceive it as good.

Once again, heaven help Nible2. I sure wanna get the heck out of this place ASAP.

Time Goes by So Slowly.

It is like living in that song by Madonna. Madam C has been making life miserable for everyone, and now, it is my turn. Gosh, she has to be one of the worst boss around. Gave me a long lecture today, saying that her way is the proven way. Then, talks bad about a few other head of departments. Some lady.

The part that I cannot take it is, to her, everyone's idea is stupid. Everyone is stupid, for that matter, except for her. We were suppose to do a survey and I suggested we collect data at a bank. She said that was stupid. Sure, she had a somewhat valid point - the banks may not allow it. But hey, how would we know unless we try asking the banks? Why disqualify ourselves without trying? I was thinking... hey look, if you are so smart, why don't you suggest where we could collect data? Alas, she could not think of a better place. She was sure fast to criticize but lacks a better idea from herself. What the eff.

I am happy to take suggestions, but lacking a better suggestion, I really suggest we just go with whatever we have. Critizing without offering an alternative has absolutely no value add. I could really get my 'tukang sapu' (janitor) to just say everyone's idea is stupid.

I can least be bothered about her. Thinking of all the business opportunities which I could make some money from. It is not just Nible2. Working from a cubicle hasn't gotten anyone well off, let alone being rich. Nothing much great can come out of working from a cubicle. Einstein didn't. Bill Gates didn't. So, for me, it is enough for working in a cubicle. It is time to cross to the dark side and be a business owner. And screw the heck out of the poor cubicle workers. Wahahaha.

In the meantime, my colleague N has resorted to selling 'durian' puffs in the office. Another was selling underwear. I guess this is what happens when they cut cost way too much and things start to fall apart.

Yet another Reshuffle

Nible2 was somewhat shaken and stirred by yet another reshuffle at the top management. I ended up worse off, but then again - that's not the focus. Believe it or not, the Head of Technology is now the Head of Sales. Good grief. I have no idea how an IT guy can just head sales like that. Sure, cross-training is good but they should not be changed just like that. A former Information System manager, Madam C, is now Head of Marketing. Good grief.

To top it up, Madam C and the new Head of Sales is at loggerheads. It has been a hate-hate relationship since years ago. So, imagine Sales and Marketing busy slagging each other off instead of the competitor.

To say the least, I sure wish them all the best while I am planning my exit strategy. Something that Nible2 has not learnt. They must have the right person for the right job. I mean, frankly - I just have not seen Tiger Woods doing the 100m relay or Beckham having a go at tennis.

Over Paid Typist

Well, my wisdom tooth surgery has almost fully recovered. It was itching like crazy yesterday but just a dull pain today. Not bad at all. Will be having the stitches removed by the end of this week.

On the business front, AC is still giving me hell. I have been sitting around doing nothing much for the past few days, which is good. I did do my own research on weevils. Will publish my findings on those soon.

Today, I have been given the task to manually do data entry from business cards into an excel file. No shit clue as to why AC has chosen an EXCEL file to store contact details. An address book or a database would have made some sense. Anyway, it will be a quick job and I will leave the rest pretty much as it is. Hehehe. It is call working smart. The key is to look very busy while doing nothing productive. Work smart, not work hard.

Started my job hunting already, which is pretty much in full gear. Will continue to send my resume to a few more head hunters. Anyone looking for someone with engineering - electronics background who's into marketing work? Call me, call me now!

A typical day at Nible2

My ex-colleague asked me the other day, what exactly does SNAFU mean. I was surprised. It means, Situation Normal, All Fucked Up. This brings me to my typical day at Nible2.

7.00am - Manage to find my cubicle. Thankfully it is still in tack. No sign of further attack by the rats. Starts reading my newspapers and have breakfast. We have a canteen.

8.15am - Officially, we start work. Typically, my laptop refuses to turn on. The damn 'ON' button is busted after much use and it has travelled the world.

8.30am - Computers is OK, but finds out that the bloody network is now busted. Calls MIS for help.

9.00am - Network is running, but Internet DNS is not working. More calls to the MIS.

9.15am - Checks the website. Finds out that the server is dead - ColdFusion error. Another call to MIS.

9.30am - Emails arrive. Lots of offer to buy Viagra. When will they offer cheap gals as well?

10.00am - Finally completes deleting junk mail.

10.15am - Wanted to print something but there's no paper left in the printer. Paper chase begins. Everyone hides their own secret stash of paper. Found out that someone from Purchasing forgot to order paper last week. Bummer.

10.30am - Received some blank faxes, fax machine out of ink.

10.35am - Received presentation file, PowerPoint 2007. I'm on old Office 2003. All the formating is out. Spends time fixing it.

10.45am - Paper jammed in the fax machine. Feels like tossing it out of the window.

10.50am - Stapler is missing. Replacement has not showed up.

11.00am - Wonders what is for lunch. Someone screwed up a customer order. Spend some time fixing the damage. Interrogation begins. What exactly does that customer want?

11.30am - Lunch time. Internet is damn slow.

1.30pm - Back from lunch. Got notice from email server. Attached file was too big. Now, we need to hunt for a FTP server.

1.45pm - Looking for a calculator. Believe it or not, we are asked to share calculators to cut cost. Obviously if anyone had one, they are not about to share it and loose the darn thing for good.

2.00pm - Could not log-in to the FTP server, some bozos changed the password, or deleted our account.

2.30pm - Finally uploaded a file to the FTP server. Another SNAFU. Insufficient stock to fulfill and order. Waiting time is 3 months. Customer pissed. More fire-fighting required.

3.00pm - Sales needs to issue a quotation. No idea what the price is. Unable to provide price, costing is not available. No product specifications either. R&D cannot confirm when product will be ready. Potential customer gets pissed. Sales personnel begins to yell.

3.30pm - Need to do some market research. However, access to a competitor's site has been blocked by MIS - to save bandwidth. Idiots. Calls MIS.

4.00pm - Put out fire on quotation request. Potential customer yells again. He wants a Ferrari for the price of a Ford Pinto. Informs Sales to tell the customer to get ...

4.15pm - Customer sorts of agrees to the price, asks for brochure. What brochure? Immediately starts cooking up a brochure. Or rather I ask someone else to do it. Ensures that it is Booker's Prize material.

4.30pm - Another customer calls up - unable to access FTP server. Server time out. Tells MIS to liaise directly with the customer. Too tired to fight this fire. Decides to update personal blog instead.

4.45pm - HR calls up. Says thay my phone bill is too high, despite all calls are for business. I carry my own personal mobile. What an idiot. If our usage is high, go negotiate with the service provider for better rates. Tells HR to just take back my business phone. Issue will be closed, till the next bill shows up.

4.50pm - HR sends memo to tell us that medical bills are too high. Requested to fall sick less often. HR Director doesn't ask the panel doctors for a discount.

5.00pm - Aircond is switched off, as cost cutting measures. Signals time to pack up.

5.15pm - Office is too warm. Spent entire day fire fighting, none of my work is done. Too warm to work over-time.

5.30pm - Runs off. Goes to gym, keep fit - hoping to bed some pretty gals later. Updates resume later in the evening.

This place is riddled with inefficiencies. At the end of the day, the wonder why the staff is not performing. The answer is easy. We do not have the tools. My laptop is old. Software is outdated. Internet is slow. Air cond is either too cold or too hot. Internet? What internet? Email goes missing. R&D misses deadline and it becomes my problem. Solving Sales problems. At the end of the day, I fail to do my marketing work. And they are still wondering why.

Cost cutting has been the 'in' thing for management around the world, when they should really be focusing on being more efficient.

Office Romance

Time and again, someone would ask me "Your office got no lenglui (pretty gal) meeh?". That's what girls would tell me when I ask them to introduce their friends to me, in my search for a long term girlfriend.

This can only remind me of my Nible2 ex-colleague. She puts it very crudely "Don't eat and shit in the same place." Actually, that's exactly how I feel, but I would not put it so crudely. There have been too many articles out there, stating that office romance is not a good idea. Rumours will spread. Some will get jealous. Cat fights. Kiss and tell. You name it, it will happen. Don't wanna do a Bill Clinton either!

If there is a gal who really like, does that mean I will let her go just like that? Of course not! I would rather resign, go after the gal and get a new job. Hmmm... who's my ideal gf? More on that on another post.

In this sense, I would rather not mix business with pleasure. If I have to mix business with pleasure, it has to be in that order.

A fat bonus from Nible2

My my... it indeed has been a good year for Nible2... the best bonus payout yet since my 3 years with Nible2. We all got about 4 this year, as a bonus payout. We thought it would be 3 only, but no, the COO came along this morning and handed out another. I do envy some lucky buggers who got more than 4.

In any case, I will enjoy my 4 mandarin oranges. Oh, who said anything about money?

The COO has been busy beating around the bush - budgets have not been finalized, no news on annual appraisal, no updates on bonus. Heck, he does remind me of a George Bush. One quarter is almost over and no, no clue of budget for 2008... just spend as long as there is still money in the bank, grab any order that comes along the way.

I am sure PHBs are all wondering, why aren't the workers working any harder. Hehehe... Then again, they are the PHBs, enjoying their fat paychecks.