A typical day at Nible2

My ex-colleague asked me the other day, what exactly does SNAFU mean. I was surprised. It means, Situation Normal, All Fucked Up. This brings me to my typical day at Nible2.

7.00am - Manage to find my cubicle. Thankfully it is still in tack. No sign of further attack by the rats. Starts reading my newspapers and have breakfast. We have a canteen.

8.15am - Officially, we start work. Typically, my laptop refuses to turn on. The damn 'ON' button is busted after much use and it has travelled the world.

8.30am - Computers is OK, but finds out that the bloody network is now busted. Calls MIS for help.

9.00am - Network is running, but Internet DNS is not working. More calls to the MIS.

9.15am - Checks the website. Finds out that the server is dead - ColdFusion error. Another call to MIS.

9.30am - Emails arrive. Lots of offer to buy Viagra. When will they offer cheap gals as well?

10.00am - Finally completes deleting junk mail.

10.15am - Wanted to print something but there's no paper left in the printer. Paper chase begins. Everyone hides their own secret stash of paper. Found out that someone from Purchasing forgot to order paper last week. Bummer.

10.30am - Received some blank faxes, fax machine out of ink.

10.35am - Received presentation file, PowerPoint 2007. I'm on old Office 2003. All the formating is out. Spends time fixing it.

10.45am - Paper jammed in the fax machine. Feels like tossing it out of the window.

10.50am - Stapler is missing. Replacement has not showed up.

11.00am - Wonders what is for lunch. Someone screwed up a customer order. Spend some time fixing the damage. Interrogation begins. What exactly does that customer want?

11.30am - Lunch time. Internet is damn slow.

1.30pm - Back from lunch. Got notice from email server. Attached file was too big. Now, we need to hunt for a FTP server.

1.45pm - Looking for a calculator. Believe it or not, we are asked to share calculators to cut cost. Obviously if anyone had one, they are not about to share it and loose the darn thing for good.

2.00pm - Could not log-in to the FTP server, some bozos changed the password, or deleted our account.

2.30pm - Finally uploaded a file to the FTP server. Another SNAFU. Insufficient stock to fulfill and order. Waiting time is 3 months. Customer pissed. More fire-fighting required.

3.00pm - Sales needs to issue a quotation. No idea what the price is. Unable to provide price, costing is not available. No product specifications either. R&D cannot confirm when product will be ready. Potential customer gets pissed. Sales personnel begins to yell.

3.30pm - Need to do some market research. However, access to a competitor's site has been blocked by MIS - to save bandwidth. Idiots. Calls MIS.

4.00pm - Put out fire on quotation request. Potential customer yells again. He wants a Ferrari for the price of a Ford Pinto. Informs Sales to tell the customer to get ...

4.15pm - Customer sorts of agrees to the price, asks for brochure. What brochure? Immediately starts cooking up a brochure. Or rather I ask someone else to do it. Ensures that it is Booker's Prize material.

4.30pm - Another customer calls up - unable to access FTP server. Server time out. Tells MIS to liaise directly with the customer. Too tired to fight this fire. Decides to update personal blog instead.

4.45pm - HR calls up. Says thay my phone bill is too high, despite all calls are for business. I carry my own personal mobile. What an idiot. If our usage is high, go negotiate with the service provider for better rates. Tells HR to just take back my business phone. Issue will be closed, till the next bill shows up.

4.50pm - HR sends memo to tell us that medical bills are too high. Requested to fall sick less often. HR Director doesn't ask the panel doctors for a discount.

5.00pm - Aircond is switched off, as cost cutting measures. Signals time to pack up.

5.15pm - Office is too warm. Spent entire day fire fighting, none of my work is done. Too warm to work over-time.

5.30pm - Runs off. Goes to gym, keep fit - hoping to bed some pretty gals later. Updates resume later in the evening.

This place is riddled with inefficiencies. At the end of the day, the wonder why the staff is not performing. The answer is easy. We do not have the tools. My laptop is old. Software is outdated. Internet is slow. Air cond is either too cold or too hot. Internet? What internet? Email goes missing. R&D misses deadline and it becomes my problem. Solving Sales problems. At the end of the day, I fail to do my marketing work. And they are still wondering why.

Cost cutting has been the 'in' thing for management around the world, when they should really be focusing on being more efficient.