Duck Shooting Committee

The Olympics just concluded a few weeks back in Beijing. Now, this blog is on another 'game' altogether. It is called a Duck Shooting Committee. Nible2 appears to operate with only such committees. This concept was introduced to me by my former Operations Director. He's a joker and I do miss working with him.

But firstly, what on earth is a Duck Shooting Committee? We are all familiar with duck shooting. Simple. First, you load your gun. Then, wait for ducks to fly pass. You see the duck, you aim and you pull the trigger. OK, I won't promote this bloody sport, but that's what it is.

On the other hand, the Duck Shooting Committee operates in a similar fashion, but with a twist. Same procedure. First, load the gun, then wait for the duck. However, the shooter cannot decide to pull the trigger or not. The Committee must decide. So, typically, the Committee members would yell "Shoot", while another would say "Don't shoot". It will take a lot of yelling, going back and forth between "Shoot" and "Don't Shoot" before a decision can be made. Alas, when a decision is made, the duck is nowhere to be seen.

The Nible2 Duck Shooting Committee takes decision making to another level of confusion. While the Committee debates to shoot or not, someone would always ask "Are you sure it is a duck?" A finance guy might literally just duck and hide under the table. The shooter might get fed-up and will likely turn the gun on his fellow Committee members. Alas, it is a bloody mess with no results.

As they say, the worst decision is not a wrong decision, but no decision. I have participated in my fair share of Duck Shooting Committee. On yes, sometimes, we meet individuals who cannot decide on something. That's who we call "A Duck Shooting Committee All Rolled Into One"!

Not to worry. No ducks were hurt while writing this blog. Come to think of it, no work's done either!

Looking for a new job

Oh, let's assume someone has found a new job. Now, what to do? The company makes an offer. You are the chosen one. But does it end there? Is it really what you want? Is it really better? There is no telling for sure, but here are some hints on what to do and what not to do.

1. Make darn sure that the offer letter provided, an actual signed copy, black and white. You must have one copy. If you accept after much deliberations, sign it and return one copy. Fair enough.
   
2. For fuck sake, never accept anything verbally only.
   
3. Offer letter must have your salary and position hired. If possible, ask for a job description too.
   
4. What is the probationary period? What happens if you are not confirmed after this period? What's the extension limit on the probationary period? Is the termination clause clear and fair?
   
5. Check on the other benefits. Confirm that amount of annual leave. Are you allowed to carry forward the leave? Medical leave and benefits? Any monthly car park passes? Over-time policy clear? Working hours clearly stated? Don't demand for all of this, but please do make damn sure you have taken them into consideration.
   
6. Check how profitable has the company been. Do ask them. What's their business plan or direction? In other words, try your best to do your due diligent that the place won't go bust. First, ask them if they have been profitable and how much is their turnover.
   
7. Next, get the company registration number. Go to www.ssm.com.my. Search them up and get a report on the company from SSM. You can either visit a SSM branch or via website.It will cost RM 15 but it will be worth it.
   
   If you want to use the Internet to get the company's report, go to http://www.ssm-einfo.com.my/uni/findroc.php. Best if you have the registration number (such as 3121-X) or the name of the company. You will need a credit card too for online transaction. It's secure enough, IMHO.
   
8. Now, study the report from SSM. Do look at their profit and loss, and the financial state of the place. If no information is found (ie, the company has not submitted it annually) - well, I suggest you forget working for such a chinaman place, unless they pay darn well. Darn well is defined as at least 35% more than market value of your salary.
   
9. If it is a listed company (Berhad) - good news. You don't need steps 7. Just get your information from www.bursamalaysia.com. Annual reports are available. Statement from Bursa can be more accurate as they are somewhat properly audited. Better than some private limited companies.
   
10. Caveat - some private limited companies are known to manipulate their accounts. They will always post a profit and pay some tax. They will never post a lost. They will never post a large profit either. But these reports will still give a picture of what's installed for you.
    
11. If it is a listed company, what is the share value? Has it been falling? Any dividends lately? Do fund managers think it is a good industry?
    
12. Check if they have had tonnes of staff leaving or not. If there is a mass exodus, well - do try to find out why. Surely something must be wrong.
    
13. First indicator of a mass exodus. Did the company advertise for 30 vacant positions from Finance to Production? If they are, are they expanding? If not, the only reasonable conclusion has been a mass exodus. Be warned! The rats have jumped ship.
    
14. Ask yourself what you really want. Is this what you want? But really, you should have asked yourself what you want before applying for the job!
    
15. Never ever leave a place in spite. Make damn sure you are leaving for a better place.
    
16. Try to sense if there is anything wrong. For example, if they offer you the job immediately after the first interview and request for you to start work the next day - your warning lights should start blinking. Why is it so urgent? Do they plan well? Is there a disaster looming? Most of the time, it shows really shit planning. You sure you want the place? I am not suggesting you don't take the opportunity, but please make an informed decision!

I sure hope this helps. I doubt if the list is comprehensive, but it should be the minimum checklist for due diligence for job seekers.

Big Bang Theory

Heck no. I am not about to rival Stephen Hawkins. That guy is just amazing.

Some clowns has taken up the bad habit of smoking in the office toilet. Every day without fail, it will stink - it's in the morning. Pisses me off. Then I noticed, they don't even bother to take their ciggies out of the toilet. They just leave it on top of the walls between the toilet cubicles.

Now, a good idea dawned upon me. Yup - I thought to myself, why not take a few of their ciggies away. Dig out the tobacco, put in a small fire-cracker, and cover it back with tobacco. I am sure that could be done. Easily. My my. That nasty idea did cheer up my day. Imagine them, sitting on the toilet and enjoying a smoke. All of a sudden, BANG! Hmmm. Would they wet themselves? Or maybe shit? It's OK if they sit, since they're already in the loo. It would be fun to see them fall into the toilet bowl.

Oh well, don't blame me for having bad ideas. The government has already warned. Smoking kills!

Boss Management 101

Madam C has been yelling a bit and condemning most, if not all, of my ideas or plans. What the heck. Guess what? Something dawned upon me yesterday. She was suppose to assign me some work. After describing what she wants done she asks me what's my idea of going around it.

What the eff. She would be sure to condemn it anyway. So, I gave her the most stupid and silly idea I could think of.

Guess what? It worked. That set her off like a barrel of gun-powder. She went off rattling about how stupid that suggestion was - which I admit, it was the worst I could think of. She went off tangent about something else. And it worked. After all the explosion, she forgot to assign me any work. Or maybe she thinks I am hopelessly incompetent.

Either way, Wally has survived. Getting extremely little work and in return, he gets to enjoy a fiery performance. Hehehe. That's just boss management 101. Oh, am I evil? Yes I am. Never claimed I am an angel. If someone makes my life miserable, I will make his or her life even more miserable. My history teacher taught me that!

Mayday mayday

Nope - not about a plane crash but rather a series about air crash investigations. Very interesting show, which I think pops up occasionally on Astro. I've been kindda lazy at work and I've watched a good number episodes of Air Crash Investigators. The only sad thing is, I feel kindda depressed right now.

I've not been entirely lazy - watching YouTube in the office. I've been asked to chair a team of auditors for Nible2. We are to find out what went wrong, somewhere, somehow. So, I figured that watching how they investigated air-craft was interesting.

One particular episode, is about Eastern Airlines Flight 401. Actually, it was my case study back in university and I've completely forgotten about it. It has a strong message for management. Yup - you heard it right - management.

Essentially, the crash happened way back in 1972, off Miami. I won't dwell on the details of that crash, but essentially, the plane was brought down by a USD 12 problem. The indicator (light bulb) failed to indicate that the front landing gear was locked. It cause, a burnt light bulb. The crew was so engrossed in fixing the problem, they forgot to fly the plane. Alas, it crashed.

This is essential in my latest task - Nible2 has been so focus on cost cutting. The bloody entire company is worried about cost cutting. We forgot to fly the plane. We forgot that we are a technological company, not a cost cutting company, per se. We ignored so many things that we are to do. Cost went down, together with quality, number of research and new technology. And Nibble2 is suppose to be the leader in the industry. Everyone forgot to fly the plane. While cost cutting to a certain degree is OK, but really, it is the effing Finance Director's job. Not HR. Not Operations, not Engineering. Everyone must hand in hand, but they better remember to fly the damn plane!

Here's the first part, out of five parts, of Fatal Distraction.

MP Longkang

Big news on The Star, a government controlled newspapers. Member of Parliament (MP), Azlina Othman, who is now the Minister for Tourism is busy cleaning up some garbage. This is the classical MP Longkang - or Drain MP.

In the past, the rakyat (citizens) used to be very happy when their MP could get the town councils to clean the drain. But heck, the year is 2008 and MP Longkangs are now obsolete. Most of the MP Longkangs lost their pants during the last general elections. Guess what? Someone forgot to send a memo to Azlina to tell her not to be a MP Longkang or Minister Longkang.

Can you believe it? Your MP or Minister is busy cleaning up some garbage, when clearly that's someone's job scope? This is a similar problem in Nible2. Engineers love to do the job of a technician. The technicians will end up doing a operator's work. The managers? Of course, they will be doing the engineers work. Who's the manager then? It's call no management. Nothing new here.

Some say I am mean, but I think I am being very fair. I keep telling my staff. If they (executive staff, such as Marketing Executives) are caught doing administrative work (such as being a typist for the week), I will ask Nible2 to only pay them what a typist is worth. I don't deny that the statement can be mean, but hey, do your job.

My HR manager is another idiot. He prefers hiring managers, with the rational that managers can do the job of the executives. He doesn't like to hire executives because they can only work as executives. So, Nible2 ends up with tonnes of managers without any executives. I once told that idiot, why don't he fires all the cleaners in Nible2? That will save some money. After all, managers can clean toilet.

At times like this, I really feel like asking them. "Can you please look out of your window and tell me what's the colour of your sky? In my planet, it's blue."

MP Longkang Azlina hard at work. She is no more than a grossly overpaid drain cleaner. Of course, this joke of the day was proudly brought to you by Barisan National, picture from http://www.thestar.com.my/.

A chinaman-company called Nible2

Yes, the title would have been a dead give away. And now, as a first step towards healing, my admission " I work for a chinaman company".

Nible2 should have been a fantastic company to work for, and to invest it. Nible2 is pretty much involved in electronics, and special kind of electronics. The business is really recession resistant, and will bloom with the good times. It has a few core products, so, from a business point of view, a damn good place to invest and work.

Unfortunately, the fairly tale stops there. The company has pretty much moved from ICU to CCU due to extremely poor management. How bad, I hear you rush. Let me put it this way, if it was fiction, it would make Dilbert look like a Fortune 500 company. The place is full of Pointy Haired Boss (PHBs), the micro managing kind; a HR directors that's missing a tail - else, Catbert; plenty of Asoks, the innocent interns but fortunately, not many good Wallys.

Ah, and this is when my QQQ training comes into play. During my Asok years, I had the privilege to work in another company called QQQ. Fortunately, 3Q had plenty of good workers and there was a chief weasel, let's call her Miss K. And yes, I owe her most of my survivor skills.

Anyway, back to Nible2. My colleagues there are usually the innocent kind, some of them kind of incompetent, but really, no real Wallys. Some would forever be carrying a coffee mug around the office. Needless to say, you won't find me educating them. For the uninitiated, a little trick here - at work, always look busy. Never ever be seen carrying a coffee mug. That's advertising to everyone that you are free... you are not doing your work... and you need more work. Bad idea. Instead, carry a laptop or a thick logbook. The contents of the said laptop or logbook is not important.

But the real problem is the PHBs. There is no operations at all. There isn't any systematic way of doing stuff. Always the cart before the horse. Believe it or not, the entire company does not run on a budget. If one needed to purchase something, just fill up a purchase request. If there is money in the bank, well, it will be approved. Otherwise, KIV. No big wonder we ran out of cash 4 times in the last 5 years. Of course, the PHBs have the grand idea of scrutinizing only PRs for a large sum of purchase. Ah...but Wally has a way. Just break the purchase to a few requests - all of it under RM 5000 (about USD 1800), each, and no questions will be asked.

How about is the company? Let me put it this way, no one in the company, yours truly included is able to answer any of the following questions accurately:

1. Who are the top 10 customers, in the correct order?
2. What's the best selling product, in terms of sales volume?
3. What's the product with the best margin?
4. What are the top 3 things customers like about Nible2.
5. What are the top 3 things customers hate about Nible2.
6. Which department is losing / making money?

In short, Nible2 has no clue what is happening. It is a culture to do the urgent, never the important. PHBs hire more managers to row the boat.

Oh well, all I can say is, I already have half a foot out of this plane. Looking for the right spot to bail out. It is flying on fumes, the pilots are busy entertaining the business class passengers and a beautiful air hostess playing pilot. What more can I say... for today, at least.