Re-enactment

MACC (Malaysian Assassination Commission Club) got a stuntman to re-enact the alleged suicide. See more here.

Well, this damn sure gave the police some good ideas. Just at the right time too. They are busy investigating the allegedly Anwar sextapes. And guess what? They just found the gal. In order to get into the re-enactment business, the police has decided to try out "suitable" stuntman.

I can imagine what a re-enactment record could be like...

Re-Enactment Report
This is to check the authenticity of the sex tape. Ala MACC which asked a stuntman to jump out of the window to see if it was suicide or murder, PDRM has concluded this significant forensics test.

The female test subject, aka the alleged Chinese Prostitute (here-in after referred to as "PRC") was asked to corporate with the Police. Due to unforeseen circumstances, a number of stuntmen were required.

Stuntmen 1 (Code Name: Lingam)
The stuntman entered the set, and was busy talking on the phone. He was also gesturing wildly. For two hours, he ignored the very sexy PRC. PRC tried to seduce the stuntman to no avail. The stuntmen kept repeating "Correct Correct Correct", but the PRC appears to be confused by it all.

PRC got bored and started to video tape the stuntman talking on her phone. Test was immediately halted as it is too close to life of a not-too-long-ago concluded RCI. Just before leaving the set, the stuntman told the PRC "It will look like me, sound like me, but it will not be me."

Stuntmen 2 (Code Name: Saiful)
Stuntmen entered the set, PRC was not happy. PRC noted some semen was on the stuntman's clothes, and ass. PRC got stuntmen to shower. After that, stuntmen was trying to sell his ass to the PRC instead of having sex with the PRC.

PRC declined and stuntmen started to make offers to the cameramen and other crew. Re-enactment aborted.

Stuntmen 3 (Code Name: Jib)
Stuntmen was initially unable to get a erection. PRC tried hard. PRC nearly gave up. Then, the crew decided to excite the stuntman with the sight of some money. Stuntmen got real excited when he saw the money. He got an instant hard-on.

Just as things started to go as plan, someone tried to sneak into the set with C4 explosives. Re-enactment aborted.

Stuntmen 4 (Code Name: @Yo-rais)
Stuntmen entered the room. Saw PRC. PRC tried to make first move. Stuntmen then made a request - PRC must be dressed as a maid.

Stuntmen 5 (Code Name: CSL)
Stuntmen entered the room with PRC. Initially, stuntmen was not able to perform. Had to hide camera. Then, stuntmen performed extremely well, given his age.

Re-enactment is not conclusive. Stuntmen did not follow script. Too much oral sex.

However, before he left the set, he disclosed his secret...." I take Semi-Velu Viagra. Very potent and better than the usual Viagra. It's just like his political career. Once up, never down!"

Stuntmen 6 (Code Name: Semi-Velu)
Stuntmen entered room. Smiled at PRC. Started to make some promises to PRC, about improving estate life and etc. Suddenly, he wanted to collect money from the PRC. Says the PRC must pay toll. Otherwise, an act of god might happen.

Next...

Stuntmen 7 (Code Name: M)
Stuntmen entered room with a cynical smile. PRC smiles back. Stuntmen keeps his cynical smile. Nothing much happened. Stuntmen lupa his script. Then, lupa what he has to do. Also lupa .... He laments, "Melayu Mudah Lupa" before conjuring a biography and starts reading.

Next...

Stuntmen 8 (Code Name: Man on the Street)
Enters room. Mutters prayers. Starts scolding "You fellows have nothing to do is it?" Never seen someone fuck before? The economy is in shit. Inflation is sky high, mat rempits and snatch thieves every where. And you all are obsessed with a sex tape."

IGP walks in and punches stuntman on the eye.

**Censored**

To Investigate Further

There is a couple of points to clarify. Firstly, there is a need to check if the male actor in the porn movie was indeed circumcised.

Next, the alleged male actor will be subjected to a male (Sai-ful) and female (PRC) specimen in the same room. It is very doubtful if the alleged actor is gay, straight or both. This must be investigated in full.

On an unrelated note
Another re-enactment that we all love to hate: Get half a football team to fuck Saiful in the ass. Checks if he can goes three days without showering or shitting.

Why am I labelled a Chinese?

I get very sore every damn time a form ask me for race. Chinese, Indian, Malays are the options available, but no Malaysian.

Let me ask the authorities this, why the fuck are they calling me a Chinese?

Your Grandfather Came from China

Really ah? How the fuck to you want to prove my grandfather or my great grandfather came from China? You have a record of his boarding pass? Oh... you don't. Then? You know the date he arrived in Malaya? Oh, you don't. So, why the fuck do you say my ancestors came from China?

Who is my grandfather?
My paternal grandfather died when my Dad was still a kid. So, let's say I never knew him. The closest I ever get to him is his grave during Cheng Meng - which was two weeks ago. But I don't think that counts. At least I know his name.

Great grandfather? Sorry - no idea who he is. No photo, no name. Even the grave has long collapse. I am unsure if my Dad got to meet him. Back in those days, health care was poor and life expectancy was short. Then, the Japanese occupation destroyed any remaining paperwork.

Since I cannot trace further than my grandparents (paternal), how come some jokers call me Chinese for something that my great grandparents allegedly did (arriving from China)?

For the record, my paternal grandpa was born in Malaya, grandma in Indonesia now resting in peace in Melbourne. Maternal grandparents were born in Malaya and still well and alive in Perak.

My point is, even I am unclear of my family tree, how can the government call me a Chinese? As I have stated, my paternal grandmother was born in Indonesia. Serumpun.

Other doubts
And how the fuck do they want to prove that I am really Chinese, even if my great grandparents were from China? I mean, one of them could have married a local. Or had an affair with a local. Mind you, it was damn common to have more than one wife... even till today.

More than that, someone in my family could have been adopted. How do you know no one adopted a native, or a Malay kid?

And also, if Mahathir who is half Bangla is a bumiputera, how about me? I started even earlier ler.... my grandmother is from Indon. :P

It's not to say that I do not care about my background, but back then there were no records. My maternal grandparents never registered for their marriage but have been together since Japanese ruled Malaya. That's why it is not registered - the British were defeated and it was war time. No rules for adoption either.

Skin Colour
This is about as dumb as it gets. If someone wants to classify me by skin colour, it's got to be stupid.

If I stay in Melbourne winter for three months, then come back - what? Call me a PRC?
If I stay in the sun for two days? Malay?
Two months - Bangla?

Kind of stupid right? And clearly it does not work either. In any case, I can get more Fair and Lovely for my ass.

Present Day Facts
I present some interesting facts (not rumours, not hearsay, not circumstantial)

1. I speak English. Write in English. My Chinese is limited to my name, and shouting words related to the male and female anatomy referenced to mothers, fathers and grandparents.
2. If that classifies me as speaking proficiently in Chinese, I am equally proficient in Tamil. Hey - I grew up in a tough environment. One has to learn the essentials of a language.
3. My Malay is heaps better than my Chinese and Tamil.
4. I do NOT remit any money to China or India.
5. I have NO family relations in China, unless you count the massage lady from PRC.
6. I have no clue where my alleged ancestors came from in China. No idea which village, or state.
7. I eat more satay, tosai, nasi lemak than bah ku teh.
8. I prefer to bonk Malay and Indon girls compared to PRCs. Hahaha.
9. I rather vote for PAS than MCA, any time.
10. I cannot stand the sight of rude PRCs, regardless of how rich or sexy they are.

So, again - why am I Chinese? I am a Malaysian. I dare not even say I am a Buddhist. Taoist, closer. But don't ask me to name the deities or rituals. No clue.

This is the reality for most Malaysians. And that's is what being a Malaysian in all about. Gone were the days you could label a guy Chinese. Those Ah Pek that sent money home (in China) monthly, have relations in China, even die also want to be buried in China.- they are all long gone. That was a long ago era. The tin mines, no Facebook, no HIV, no cars. Fuck... in today's world, I even need an effing visa to get into China.

I really hope some lawyers will take the Government to the High Court to prove someone is Chinese or India, or whatever. It is time to wake up and realize this is 2011. More than 50 years after Merdeka. It's no longer 1811.

Poco Poco Banned

The poco-poco dance has been banned. Refer to article at:

http://www.bernama.com/bernama/v5/newsindex.php?id=575453

One cannot help but to think, what else would this imaginary Bolehland ban? Here are few suggestions:

Alphabet 't'
The small letter 't' resembles the cross, which is in reference to Christianity. As such, this letter will be banned. However, the government of Bolehland is rational and understanding. Capital letter 'T' will still be allowed.

't' shall be replaced with 'T" aT all Times. We musT never use the small leTTer 't' again as it mighT cause The counTry To be corrupTed. Any publicaTions wiTh The small leTTer 't' will now require permission from the Home MinisTry and musT be sTampped wiTh The words "For ChrisTians only".

Cross Roads
All road junctions must now be upgraded and changed - from the cross roads to a round-about. Cross-roads resemble the cross, which is referenced to Christianity. More than that, cars travelling on the cross-roads would inadvertantly form the 't'. A big no no. Just be like Shah Alam - use big round-abouts instead of cross-roads.


Projects to convert (no pun intended) cross-roads to round-abouts will be carried out by direct negoTiaTion insTead of a Tender process. This is to immediately stop the corruption of young minds but to fuel corruption of the rich and powerful.

Road intersecting other roads at 90 degrees would also be banned.

Cross Road Signs As and when the cross roads are converted to round-abouts, the cross-road signs must be replaced with the proper round-about signs.


For cross signs that are not replaced, the cross sign must be remounted 45 degrees clock wise. This is to make the cross road signs appear "X" rather than "t".

A similar rulling applies to the Red Cross. Otherwise, the words "For Christians Only" will be printed in bold next to the cross signs.

Come to think of it, if all the cross-roads are reserved for Christians Only.... heck, I would be a baptized by tomorrow morning. Imagine - no jam. That's really God sent.

Arms Wide Opened

In my humble opinion, this is the most serious. Not only it resembles the cross, it resembles how Jesus was crucified. Absolute horror. (to non-Christians, how could we be linked to another religion. For Christians, imagine the pain and sacrifice made by Jesus).




Now - what to do with non-Christians having their arms wide open is a big question. Possible ideas include:

• Charging them in a religious court
• Asking them to bend their heads back too
• Off with their heads
• Tie a string between waist and arm. This string will be the mechanical limiter, preventing innocent and unsuspecting non-Christians from spreading their arms wide open.

However, there is no limit on girls (or guys) spreading their legs wide open. Actually, guys and girls are encouraged to spread their legs - as that will never resemble the cross. I am all supportive of this one.

Unrelated News

However, the screening of porn recordings would still be allowed, so long the following rules are adhered to:

1. Producers must be a Dato' / Datuk / Datuk Seri / Tan Sri / Tun
2. Main actor / actress must resemble a member of DAP, PAS or PKR
3. Screening must be done in Carcosa Sri Negara

For those who are unfortunate to appear in such porn movies, please contact Lingam. He will make a good lawyer for such cases.

Rewarding the law breakers

Wonder why crime is high in Malaysia? Wonder why people die on the roads? Well - that's because, we reward bad behaviour. And here it is : You break the law. You didn't bother with the summon. You get a discount. You ignore the discount period. And you get an extension on the discount period.

This is fucking up the country.

Read about it.

Even an ex-judge is biased

Well, an ex-judge said that the family of the late Teoh Beng Hock has shown "clear disrespect" for boy-cotting the Royal Inquiry. Here's the article.

Well, guess what? Lingam, Eusoff Chin and Dr. M - challenges the RCI. Fuyoh. And the article is here.

So, what has the learned ex-judge got to say about his ex-boss, the now TUN Eusoff Chin? Isn't that even more than disrespect? That would well be 'derhaka" (treason) for challenging His Royal Highness? Off with their heads? Or have they collected enough potraits of the King in the form of Ringgit Currency, so they have the right to, well - be disrespectful? Can Malaysia be fair?

But no. Bernama has decided to carry both stories. One that smears the name of Teoh's family. Why the double standard? Or is he just speaking from his asshole? Completely unbalanced, and unfair view.

But yet...

After my last post, here's a list of fantastic stuff they blame for their own fucking business:

1. Foreign artist - bad influence, ban concerts.
2. Artists cannot have long hair.
3. Cannot show cleavage
4. Want to ban sanitary pads too.
5. Condoms should not be sold openly.
6. Beer / alcoholic drinks also cannot be sold.
7. Western culture
8. Christianity
9. Other religions and culture
10. Internet

And here are a suggestion of things they should ban / do:

1. Phones cannot have camera.
2. Web-cams shall be banned too.
3. Phones cannot SMS new numbers for at least 14 days. This is to prevent one-night-stands or boy-meets-girls and fucks each other within 24 hours.
4. All smartphone will be taxed 300%.
   
5. Internet speed shall be limited to 36.6kbps to prevent porn from being downloaded. Hang on - TM / Streamyx is already doing this.
6. Solvent based glue will be banned.
7. One in five condoms will be randomly poked with holes. This means unmarried couples cannot use condoms to fuck safely.
8. Contraceptive pills will only be sold to married couples.
9. Oh yeah - girls must wear chastity belt with two keys. One held by mother, one held by father. Else, father might rape daughter, or mother might pimp daughter.
10. All motorbikes will have only up to two gears. This is to prevent rempits.
11. Cars will be limited to three gears only - reverse gear included. This is to prevent speeding.
    
12. All handbags will be banned. To is to prevent snatch thieves.
13. Cars will be compartmentalized into four (driver, front passenger, back left passenger and back right passenger). This is to prevent teens from kongkek in cars.
14. The phrase Barang Naik is banned.
15. Any sentences with C4, Rosmah and/or Najib is banned.
16. Cinemas must be open air.
17. All alcoholic beverages will be banned...plus yeast, used to make alcoholic drinks must also be banned.
    
18. All imported films, books, songs will be banned.
19. All women, including non-Muslim must tutup aurat. Else, men see sexy Chinese / Indian women, go rape their own daughters.
20. Cosmetics, skin whitening products, slimming products - will also be banned. When people are ugly, they won't fuck each others.
21. Gyms will be banned for ladies. Guys can still work out.
    
22. Price of sugar will be increased, and taxed to prevent diabetes.
23. Santan and nasi lemak will be subsidized... again, if they are fat, they cannot fuck each other. When they are dying, they will even pray more.
    
24. All spray paint must be water soluble. This is for easy removal of graffiti.
25. Ban Astro, unless it is RTM 1 type of programmes.
26. Frequency jammers will be deployed to prevent reception of foreign satellite programs. This includes those up to Muar with extra high antennae to receive Singaporean TV stations.
27. All sexy under garments will be banned.
28. Cosmetic surgery, especially breast enhancement, must be banned.
29. All summonses will be banned - instead, motorist must settle on the spot. This is to improve efficiency.
    
30. All dogs will be shot / killed at sight.
31. All pig farms will be demolished, unless it is owned by Khir Toyo / BN controlled.

That's all I can think of for now. You have any ideas to make this nation better?

Reasons why we need Menara Warisan

There have been various protest about the 100-storey building. I think people fail to see why we really need a tall building. There are many benefits:

1. Tree replacement program. Now that KL city via DBKL has got rid of lots of trees, we still need some shade. What better way than to build a mega structure to provide relief from the hot sun? The shadows will be long and it will benefit many, including some poor squatters.
   
   
2. Flood relief centre. This would be the ideal place for flood victims. The tall tower will be well above the flood waters unless it is of biblical proportions. Flood victims will no longer need to climb above their roofs or cling to trees when it floods. Just climb up Menara Warisan. One can sit there, enjoy the view while awaiting for the floods to subside.
   
   
3. Parking. Yup, believe it or not, Menara Warisan will provide tonnes of parking space to the ever congested city. How? Menara Warisan is not reachable by rail. So, it will start to turn all roads around the Menara Warisan to one large parking bay. Cars will be there for hours before they need to move along. What more? It is free. No need to pay RM 3.50 per hour. Just park your car there and walk the rest of the way. In addition, some areas will just be good as a covered car-park when Menara Warisan cast its shadows on the raped planet.
   
   
4. Malaysian culture. Yes - Menara Warisan is meant to preserve our culture. If you have noticed, it is right next to VI - or Victorian Institute, one of the more prestigious schools of the past era. How on earth can the Melayu Tuans have a VI around? So, there is a need to drive VI out. If such a massive construction work does not drive them out, I am not sure what will. The government is no longer to acquire land by force, as it could turn out to be ugly. So, just drive them out naturally. In an unrelated incident, some of Malaysian's brightest students have fled to Singapore to avoid the pollution from an unnamed mega project.
   
   
5. MACC HQ. The new Menara Warisan could also double up as a MACC head office. It would be highly interesting to see MACC occupying the highest floor of the building. This way, using strong binoculars, MACC officers could keep an eye on many streets to watch up for police officers offering "on the spot settlement" to motorist. MACC hopes to work out a business proposition on profit sharing on this lucrative yet efficient "on-the-spot settlement". MACC could also inform the police when a traffic offence takes place, helping both parties to increase revenue from traffic offenders.
   
   
6. No Autopsy Cost. With MACC on the top floor, bodies of unfortunate witnesses could be thrown out, sorry, I mean suicide, ... more efficiently. MACC "suicide victims" could enjoy a clear view of KL before taking the final plunge. MACC hopes that the atmospheric friction will burn up the body. In any case, any remains will just be a red stain on the background, avoiding the long drawn controversies seen in the Teoh Beng Hock case. This will also eliminate the need to bring in foreign experts to perform autopsies, thus saving the public purse from unnecessary funds outflow to UK and Thailand.

These are the only few key benefits that I could think of. I am sure there are many more. Do leave your comments to add to the list here. Let's support a mega project.

Zaid ... a true NEP product

Well, Zaid Ibrahim is busy quitting PKR. It is turning out to be a long drawn affair. Well, from what I could see, Zaid is a true product of NEP. He has the hand-out mentality. To be fair, he is not alone. He expected to be someone, to win the PKR elections. He has not worked his way up (hack, he just joined recently), but yet, he expects something. The true handout mentality. I am sure there are plenty of other candidates, with a longer track record who can serve better. Even MP Loh Gwo Burne has been with PKR for longer periods.

This mentality has also infected businesses. People get promoted on seniority, rather than on achievements. Many times, a engineer is simple promoted to be a manager. In my view, it would be better they remain in engineer with a higher salary for more responsibilities. Why? Most of the time, they make horrible managers. Don't blame them - they were never trained for it.

How many companies look at the record of a true professional? For example, number of research papers, number of citation, presentations, patents, publications? Almost never, especially for Malaysian companies. Some MNCs do. As for the rest the hand-out mentality rules. If I have graduated with a First Class Honours, I expect a good salary. I say, eff that. You work for it.

It is high time both political and the commercial mindset be changed. No one should just sit there and expect to be voted. In Zaid's case, what has he done? Has he a draft of proposed legal admentments should he be elected Prime Minister? How does he plan to clean up the judiciary? How many pro-bono cases is he representing now? What are his contributions to the rakyat? To the nation?

A true hero in this field would be no other than Mr. Karpal Singh. Yup - always DAP. Worked hard. Stayed in DAP. ISA didn't stop him. Ops Lalangs did not worry him. He fights. Represents victims of injustice (Teoh Beng Hock, the Seremban mechanic murder case, and many others). I can only be thankful to see Gobind having such great values. I don't think Zaid even helped in Anwar's sodomy II case.

Well, this is what happens to NEP, ketuanan Melayu, UMNO politics and more handouts. Frankly, I doubt it if the non-Malays want NEP removed. Why make real competitors? The current bunch is just good for business.

The Amirul Case

Well, let the circus begin. That's what they all say. I have been scratching my head already. Here are two articles from MCA-controlled The Star:

http://www.thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2010/10/13/nation/20101013202815&sec=nation

http://www.thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2010/10/13/nation/7215803&sec=nation

Firstly, one of the articles say that there were 19 bullets casing fired by one police officer at the scene. Amirul, the victim, is a 15 year old boy.

The question is - how on earth did a police offer fire 19 bullets. That would be difficult if it is from a revolver. He must have been damn quick at reloading it. In any case, I doubt it. Why shoot the poor guy 19 times?

The next article provides some light. It says the police officer in question has training with MP5. That's a sub-machine gun. So, did the police machine-gun a 15 year old? Wow! You mean, he didn't machine gun him? So, he shot him 19 times, and he was a sharp shooter? I just fail to connect the logic. Did the poor boy have 18 lives? Had to be shot 19 times accurately before he died?

Another fact to note - a MP5 has a magazine of 15 bullets (based on wikipedia). Hmmm. So, he did have the time to re-load and continue shooting.

Too many facts do not fit the case. Just like - where did the C4 explosives come from to blow up Altantuya? What's the motive of the two policemen to murder Altantuya? The circus continues.

Bola in Boleh Land

No big fan of football, but it was sad to read the article on Free Malaysia Today about KJ - Khairy as the vice president of Football Association of Malaysia (FAM).

Apparently, despite the kriss kissing antics, KJ could not turn the free-fall of Malaysian football around. He wants to resign. Again, the world laughs at us. On one hand, there is this big Ketuanan Melayu concept. Supremacy. But when it comes to football, alas, it is a big shame. Apparently the Malaysian fans got fed-up when South Korea kicked Greece's ass. Greece was the champion of some Euro Cup. But South Korea beat them. And we used to beat South Korea. At last, South Korea has advanced, moved on ahead - albiet without the supremacy concept, while we moved back.

Based on the FIFA world ranking, Malaysia is ranked at number 146 for April 2010, out of 202 teams. Notable countries better than Malaysia are Zimbabwe at rank 110, Rwanda (107), Singapore (127), Sierra Leon (130), Haiti (91) - does make our beloved country looks fucked-up right?, Qatar (96), Kuwait (97), Finland (52), Turkey (29), Israel (26), Ghana (32) and Bahrain (69). There are poorer countries way better than us - Ghana (32). There are Muslim countries miles ahead of us - Turkey is at a very respectable 29! So, isn't it just Bolehland that is lacking behind? I mean shit - how do we explain Haiti, Sierra Leon, Rwanda and Zimbabwe being better than Bolehland? I am not even talking about Brazil or Uruguay.

Last month, we got our ass kicked by Japan in Thomas Cup. Then stompped on by China. The real issue is, the rot is in the whole country. Not just one race. Not just one religion. Our badminton squad is one example of this. All these, despite the patronage of Dr. M's wife and now, Rosmah. Still got a good beating from countries that could hardly perform some time ago. Don't get me started about hockey.

I suppose the only time we, Malaysia, are really supreme would be supremely bad performers, or perhaps in the fields of corruption.

Corruption? Not a problem here.

Is corruption a problem in Malaysia? Are we serious in preventing corruption? The mind boggles:

1. Why not use red light cameras to catch offenders, instead of stopping them and ahem...bincang?
2. Why not use automated speed traps and send the summons directly to the car owners, no need to ahem...bincang?
3. Why still have road blocks to, ahem...bincang?
4. PKFZ - bugget blown, white elephant is there - ahem, case close?
5. Lingam case - not enough evidence. Karpal volunteered to prosecute. Ahem... still waiting

Just a few cases on top of my head. Enough to highlight my point. Moving along...

Naked NEP - 30% quota

Apparently Ibrahim Ali is very happy. He is the champion of Malays. Again, I am all for Malay rights and helping the poor. I am dead against corruption and murdering this country.

Ibrahim is happy that the 10th Malaysian Plan, MP10, has required the 30% Bumiputera equity in corporates to stay. More on why he is happy later. First, why has this quota system killed the country? The answer is simple - the world is now flat. With internet and air travel, borders mean nothing.

Fact: Indonesian Palm Oil companies have listed in the Singapore stock exchange, despite the fact that the Malaysian Palm Oil Exchange is more mature and has big players in it. Also despite the fact that Indonesians are "serumpun" and also an Islamic country.

Fact: Malaysians are now nett investors. In otherwords, Malaysians invest more overseas than we receive foriegn investors.

So, quota does drive away domestic and international investors. Surely, we all know that. But why is Ibrahim happy? How can he be happy given this situation, purely fictional - but you get the idea. Without quota, we may have RM 10 billion of investment, and Bumiputra may own only 10% of it - which works out to be RM 1 billion. With quota, investment drops to RM 1 billion and 30% of it is only RM 0.3 billion. I do not think this is far fetched - considering we have nett capital outflow. In other words, we have no NEW (nett) investments. It is more like 30% of RM 0.

But why is he sitll happy? Ahhhh..... the reason is, he is patriotic. UMNO is patriotic. Especially to the first DYMM of Malaysia (rather it was Malaya back then). It is not only RM 1 billion or RM 0.3billion. It is a matter of, "WHO's pocket it is in". RM 0.1 billion in my pocket is better than RM 1 billion in every Malaysian's pockets. But how, I hear you ask.

More rules means more procedures. More procedures mean more approvals. And more approval means? So, do you know the answer or not? Pass or fail? Hehehe. I leave it to your imagination.

Naked NEP - Business Opportunity

Here's another way how the NEP has been killing the very people they are suppose to help. It happens all the time, but I will only write about one scenerio. Again, I have nothing against Malay rights, or helping the poor. However, I would like to see proper help being given, not giving them the crumbs of corruption.

Typical scenerio in a PLUS highway rest area. There will be about 10 stalls, more or less. Sometimes a lot more. Let's say 10. Of the 10 or 20 stalls, you will notice that most of the stalls are Malays, save for maybe 2 for Chinese and 1 for Indians. On the surface, it is government policy to help the Malays. But at an economic level, it is a disaster.

Why? First point - no pork. Everything must be halal. That's OK, but it means that most Chinese will stay away from the rest areas. So, who's left to visit them? Malays, of course. They are the majority and it is halal. Now that we have established that the market is a Malay market, think about it. Let's say there are 1000 visitors a day.

These 1000 visitors have 7 stalls to choose from. Say they don't like the Indian or the Chinese shops - just for the sake of argument - and this may not be a fact. I am not saying it is a fact. But just say, 1000 visitors for 7 stalls. That works out to be about 140 visitors a day. Not alot. (Note - I really doubt is some of them have 50 customers). The rest areas are pretty close to each other too!

Now, compare it to a situation of only 2 Malay stalls - halal, and 8 non-halal Chinese shops. All of a sudden, there are 500 visitors per stall. That's four times more business. My point is, the government looks popular by helping many Malays by giving them licenses to business. But no one worked out the supply. Instead, they are given stiff competition, and so many stalls have hardly any business. Instead of having 2 rich Malays and the rest poor, now, they virtually bankrupt ever Malay.

Do not believe me? Take a look. Go to a rest area. They all sell about the same stuff. Go to a Pasar Tani (those government ones). They all sell about the same stuff. If I am a business owner there, I will complain. Why do you issue only licenses to Malay? If they issue it to a Chinese, it will never compete with a Malay business - Chinese food is typically not halal.

Silly isn't it? But why does the government do this? Easy. They are smart. 7 Malay votes for UMNO is better than 2 Malay votes. Ever since things this way?

The Naked NEP - Corruption

Low wages in Malaysia can be attributed to one and only one thing - corruption. Let me explain. The government is the largest employer in the country. Period. Wages in the government sector is not at all attractive. Even worse if we compare it to private sectors in Singapore.

But there is no shortage of civil staff right? No shortage of applicants to be police officers right? Firstly, I must admit that there are those in the civil service with the right attitude to serve and they are dedicated. But hardly too many of them. So, what are the rest doing there? Ahem - you got it right. The SIDE income is bloody attractive. Some call it side income, some say corruption.

If you have a car, you will know what happens. Everytime you see a police offer stopping someone, only one thing comes to mind. The one thing is - the police are very patriotic and they want to serve the King. Anyone notice that there is a picture of the Agong on our currency? Yes, so, we are all loyal to the Agong. For different reasons, of course. We all admire the Agong, especially the First DYMM of Malaysia. We all love his potrait.

This is when simple economics take over. Government is the biggest demand of labour. There is no shortage of supply. So, price remains low. If the Government is paying such low prices for labour, naturally, wages in the private sector won't be high. Why should the private sector pay so much more? If a cleaner in the government department gets RM 300, the private sector might pay only RM 400, or RM 500.

To improve wages, we must get rid of all the side income. Teachers giving tuition, land officers getting land, planning officers owning low cost units. The list continues. The side income must stop. Only then there will be less supply of work force to the Government. As supply dries up, prices will go up - assuming demand remains unchanged.

Having said that, it is not easy to get rid of corruption. It is already in-grained in our country. As they say, Malaysia does not have a problem with corruption. We welcome it. Hahaha.

Naked NEP

The nation has been crippled by subsidies, quotas, ceiling prices and taxes. I will now write a series of blogs to undress the NEP and other silly government policies. It writing is clear, but no one has even seen it or has highlighted it. I am not sure why.

I will make it clear. I am not against any race. But if we must help someone, help someone properly. What is happening today is like:

An old man rides a bicycle along a kampung road. Accident strikes. A large tree branch fell on him and his bicycle. The old man is pinned. His leg is trapped, but otherwise completely unharmed. Shaken perhaps. He yells for help. Then comes along the Government to rescue him. Yes, the kampung folks are happy to see the old man being rescued. The Government takes a look at the old man, and swiftly takes out a parang.

The old man yelled, "No No No". Huh? Doesn't he want to be rescued? Alas, the Government wanted to hack of his leg, instead of the tree branch. The Government is unhappy, " You called for help, and I am here to help you. You are being ungrateful."

This is the scenerio we are all stuck in. Most of us do not even know when the government is here to amputate our arms and legs. Sure, the old man will be freed. But it is a very stupid way of doing it right? And why handicap him for the rest of his life? So, read on my series on The Naked NEP.

More stupid comments

When they want to attack the opposition, they are willing to be idiots. Here's an example from The Star.

One clown is protesting that 20 cents per plastic bag. Root cause is, people forget to bring their own plastic bags. Instead, he wants to burn down the mosquito netting just to get rid of the mozzies.

Why are there such clowns out there? He should be reminding people to bring their own plastic bags - instead of giving out more free bags. And for some reasons, it is fine to chop down all the forest for us to carry stuff in a bag for 5 mins and dump it. What a douche bag.

Rethink charging 20 sen for plastic bag, Selangor told

KUALA LUMPUR: The Selangor state government has been urged to review its 20 sen charge for the use of plastic bags for its no plastic day campaign.

Fomca advisor Prof Datuk Hamdan Adnan said the move was only profiting the retailers and supermarkets.

He said if Selangor really wanted to make the programme a success, they should find better alternatives.

"We support the no plastic day campaign on Saturday. But the retailers are taking advantage of the campaign to sell the plastic bags and getting profit for it.

"We feel such a move has somewhat affected the campaign itself. If one plastic bag costs 20 sen, how much will a retailer make if 5,000 people have to buy these in a single day?" he said.

The campaign was initiated by Selangor on Jan 9 to reduce the usage of plastic bags, following similar measures in Penang.

Mohd Hamdan said it was better for retailers to convert its use of plastic bag to that made of biodegradable materials such as wood or rattan.

He said consumers should also cultivate the habit of taking their own bags when shopping. - BERNAMA

When Justice is For Sale - at a discount!

H got a call recently. It was a weird situation. Her female friend, married with two kids - was asked to signed some divorce papers by the husband. This couple has marital issues for some time. Allegedly, the husband now wants to marry a Muslim lady. Thus, the man now has to convert to be a Muslim. Naturally, his father disowned him. Father is rich - and this is the important point of the whole story. The man is a lazy bum, allegedly. The father loves the two kids (the grandchildren).

The weird part now begins. The lady (H's friend), wants to know a good lawyer who can help her. News has it, her husband wants the two kids. The lady reckons that in Boleh Land, the Muslims will take her kids away and she will not be heard fairly in court. In the mean time, life goes on as usual for her.

Why strange? Try giving a dog a piece of bone. What will it do? It will take the bone, go somewhere and eat it. Especially when another dog is around. It will hide and eat the bone. What I am trying to say is, if you know someone wants to take the kids away, why the fuck would life be as usual? She has to be dumb and think that lawyers can solve everything. That's true - if you have VK Lingam.

But I am sure a great guy like VK Lingam won't be cheap. She won't even be able to afford a decent lawyer. Some lawyers quoted her RM 5000 and she doesn't want to pay up. Don't blame her. They are no VK Lingam.

Back to the story - she is still trying to find a lawyer. Kids are with her mother.

Let me get this right. This has nothing to do with Islamic law. It is the way law (be it Islamic or Civil) that is implemented in this country that is damn shit worrying. I mean, look - a learned Tun Eusoff Chin ruled that selling stolen property is legal. What the fuck? The stolen land still belongs to the wrongful owner till date. Screwed up right? So, imagine how it is like when they implement their version of Islamic law?

Honestly, I would be damn comfortable if Nik Aziz implemented Islamic law. At least I know he is fair and he is honest. It's just like sports. We don't mind if it is soccer or female volley ball - just ensure that the rules are fair. Under BN - nothing is fair. VK Lingam is not charged. The judiciary was for sale - mind you - for only trips to New Zealand and handphones. Shit. That's kind of a drop off. It's too cheap.

So, I have given H's friend my two cents worth. Screw the legal system - be it the Syariah Court or the Civil Courts. I don't know much about the Syariah Courts, but it doesn't look too good in the same light as the Civil Courts. More on that in another posting - and more on what I told H's friend

Cash rewards for the police?

Our friend Hisham has suggested that police stations that perform well should be rewarded with cash. What a retard. Why on earth should we give out more money for people to work? He should fucking sack those who cannot perform. Those who can perform, give them a promotion. End of story. How on earth can he have a jackpot system to reward police stations? What if they all work hard? Double everyone's salary? And will the reward be more than the bribes police can collect?

Our politicians are really out of ideas. Only stupid ideas from them. And Najib has nothing to say at all about all these. Fuckers. Will someone now send me a cheque for following the speed limit?

A new Natuional Holiday?

A new Natuional Holiday, yelled the NST. Guess that could be a new word. Why is the government so fond of declaring public holidays in Malaysia? Frankly, I think we hardly work hard enough here. Too many holidays. I like holidays, but when it is work, work hard. When party, party hard. Declaring a holiday without rhyme or reason is worrying. We must be the only country in the world celebration two national days - one is Merdeka, the other Malaysia Day.

Other public holidays that I would suggest:

1. Tunku Abdul Rahman's Birthday
2. Dr. M's Birthday - for his contribution to the country. Could also be called Japanese Culture Appreciation Day for Tun's Look East policy. (and I do not mean appreciate the adult DVDs from Japan).
3. Mooncake Festival - feel free to suggest more holidays based on culture.
4. Anti Corruption Day - on the day poor Teoh Beng Hock was found outside the MACC office.
5. Act of God Day - to reflect how lucky we are in Malaysia and be thankful
6. Fucking Day / Asmara Day - married couples are encouraged to have sex and be 'mesra' with each other. Terengganu has packaged a free honeymoon for couples who want to divorce (fuck, if I get a free holiday, I would file for 'divorce' too). So, why not extend it to the whole country? Single guys and gals can jerk off on that day - no pun intended.
7. Nasi Lemak Day / Malaysian Food Day. A day to promote all food which we intended to patent and claim that it is Malaysian.
8. Tan Sri Zeti Day - For Zeti who is doing a great job as the Malaysian Bank Governer.

Well, I guess that should be enough. Not sure if there is a need to celebrate anti-terrorist day (on the day Altantuya was bombed) or the day Parameswara landed in Melaka. Or perhaps when Hang Tuah was killed. How about a day to remember Francis Light? Or Chin Peng's surrender?

Coffee Money

Many months ago, a apek (old man of Chinese decent, speaks like a China-man, acts like one, looks like one, but isn't exactly one) complained about the cops. He alleged that the cops are very corrupt. He then related a story that just the other day, he was stopped by the police for no apparent reason while driving in a small town. Then they asked for his licenses, he had to hand them RM 30 (that's about USD 10).

This is the part I go, what the eff, apek? People stop you, you dish out money. Wei. If that's the case, I would also do the same. Just stop someone, and you get RM 30 - all in less than 5 minutes. Really, I would do it too. I doubt it very much if it is even a bribe. Why? Bribe, by nature, is to influence the way someone acts. So, if the police did stop them, maybe it was just a random thing. There could have been no offence, but what the eff - if you offer money, I would take. That didn't influence me in letting someone go (there was no offence to start off with).

So, thanks to the stupid public like this apek, they give the cops a bad name and then, they blame the cops. Frankly, it would be stupid if they didn't collect the money. After all, if someone is dishing out money (say if Donald Trump did that), I really don't see anything wrong in just collecting it. I am against bribery, but hey - it takes two to tango.

For the record, I've never bribe anyone before and will not do it either. Have been stopped by the police on a couple of occasions, but usually it's nothing more than just a glance at my driver's license. Fair enough - they are just doing their jobs.