F Buddy for underperformers?

I read with utter disgust that the government is giving under-performers buddies.

http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2012/4/15/nation/11110141&sec=nation

So, what's next? If I under-perform in bed, I will get a fuck-buddy? Of course, I am hoping it would be a girl rather than a guy to train me how to fuck.

What if someone prematurely ejaculates? They will get a buddy too for bedtime activities?

And how could I sign up? I mean, I won't lie. My performance is OK. But I don't mind coaching a under-performing (not under age!) girl. Or girls.

As far as I am concerned, buddies (for the work place) shall be assigned during training or probationary period. After that, if they are under performing, it's a HR issue. Re-training, warning, re-assignment of task or even firing them would be the right course of action. So, what if they still under perform after getting the buddy?

And what's worse with this system, the performing staff will now need to baby-sit the under performing staff. Kindda screws up the entire system right?

And I cannot believe I have to pay up taxes by month end to finance this bunch of idiots.