How Did I Score

Nope - this is not related to how I would score with girls. It's how I score in the little heart and soul test - at Jojo's request to know my score.

1. Yes, I do visit orphanage. Did the last about two months ago. On average, it is once a year. Do note - I prefer to give directly to charities (as in going directly to the orphanage, etc); rather than donate to those by the street. It's really I don't want to encourage scams or professional beggars. 
2. Yes - almost always stop for pedestrians; unless it is a danger to myself. No bloody point stopping in the middle of the highway. I work in dangerous environments too for my professional work. When I see workers repairing roads or even cleaning the road sides, I slow down. Accidents can happen. It's very sad to read when someone has to die just to maintain the roads we use. Most of the foreign workers who keep our roads clean will almost never get a chance to buy a car and drive it in Malaysia. So yes - if you see people by the road side, do slow down. 
3. I will be most unkind if they keep screwing up or worse still, lie to me. In the past, I will fight for their salary increase first, before mine. Obviously I won't be too popular with management after a long debate on why they deserve a pay increase. However, I am performance focused. I prefer to keep salaries low. Better if there is no salary. The reward will be in performance bonus or a very good incentive / commission scheme.
4. I apply the gossip test to others. At work, I am very strict. So, no one would feed me with any rumours, unless they have a death wish or something like that.
5. Don't pretend to be the best brother. But at least my sister won't run away from me. Or asks me to stay away from her. I guess I am just average in this area.
6. I drive a very old Proton Wira - so, this doesn't apply. My idea is really simple. My car is her to serve me. Not the other way round. If it gets scratched, well - it is bound to happen, just a matter of sooner or later. Won't worry too much about it. My bumper is still half broken as a result of someone reversing into it. Happened while I was in the car, and I didn't ask for the other driver to pay for it. I mean, it will be broken again sooner or later and it serves no bloody purposes - especially if it is the soft ABS type of bumpers on my Proton.
7. As above - I don't have expensive stuff. If it is a pretty gal who spills sauce on me, I might ask her to buy me dinner... or even ask her to have dinner with me and I will buy her dinner. Don't wonder why.
8. A good collection of porn, but I read a wide variety. Harry Potter, Jurassic Park, The Lost Symbol ... and academic books. Have a good book collection. 
9. I would just wait around. A neutral feeling, I suppose. If she really doesn't have the change, and the amount is small, I might just pay for her.
10. Just hope the Ah Pek won't put the car into reverse gear and accelerate into me. My reaction is usually to keep my distance, rather than some idiots who will tailgate closely, honk and flash headlights. No point making the Ah Pek (old man) nervous. Look at it this way. If he is rich, he can afford the damages. Most young drivers cannot afford the damage. If he is poor, his car is probably a old car with a strong chassis. Damage will be on the car at the back. And very interestingly, unless you can provide documented evidence, the car at the back is wrong (legally). The police will ask "Who asked you to follow so closely". So, yeah - I rather worry about my own position than yell at the driver in front.
11. I stay very close to where my parents are - and we meet for dinner at least twice a week. Not the best son, but well, I am OK I suppose.
12. Prefer to go out with the ground level staff. At an informal setting, they will tell you heaps more (about work) than in the office. If at work, things fail and there seem to be no answer or a solution, start talking to the ground staff. Chances are, they will have observations or even ideas that will work. And they would never voice out in work - which we can all understand especially management thinks they are just dumb-ass.
13. I am usually nice to everyone, unless they lie, cheat or do something really malice to me.
14. Never date or slept with someone just based on looks. As stated, I value a kind heart and a good soul.
15. H did ask me once. I told her not to worry if she gets pregnant. Just tell me. I may not marry her, but we will still have the kid together if she wants to. 

All in all, I would say H is a better person that I am. I think she is kinder, and yeah - that's why I like her.

Asshole of a Boyfriend

I just read this article:

Sin Chew Daily reported that a 16-year-old girl in Singapore had resorted to starving and vomiting after a remark about her weight from her boyfriend.

She only ate a piece of chocolate a day and eventually became anorexic.

The daily reported that the girl, known only as Jane, was a high achiever in school and felt bad after her boyfriend said she had put on some weight.

Jane would stay in her classroom even during recess to avoid seeing other students eating and only allowed herself sips of plain water.

She added that if she accidentally ate, she would forcefully vomit until her throat bled.

Here's the link to the original.

What kind of boyfriend would that be? Why comment on her weight? Ladies hate it when commented about their weight. I hate it too. Some would say, hey - you put on a few kilos. Or you look slimmer. I mean, it's my body. As if I needed someone to tell me I am fat or I lost weight. 

Mind you, such statements are of zero value. At best, it is just pointing out the problem. One could say, "Hey dear, let's go hiking together this weekend", or join a gym together. That would be a solution. Unfortunately we see this kind of zero-value bastards everywhere, including in the office. "Boss, sales down". I mean, fuck you. Everyone knows sales is down. Even the cleaner knows it. So? Here you are, on an executive salary scheme, giving me a statement that the cleaner could have told me. I usually tell them upfront about it and suggest they take up the cleaner's salary. Fair right?

And girls. If anyone comments about your weight, especially your boyfriends / hubby - please be strong. Don't end up anorexic. You could reply "Yeah - when I diet, I can become slim. But your dick will always be small". Ouch. Do consider that response. And please, dump that bastard. You deserve better. Why have someone who can only point of flaws, and with zero-value add? It makes the situation worse and he won't be able to help one iota. 

So, dump him. If you cannot tell him to his face his dick is small, better still - tell all your hot, sexy  friends that his dick is small and he provides zero-value yet hurtful comments. After dumping him, work-out at a gym, lose weight and then make him regret it to the point he is willing to cut-off his own balls. By the way, don't lose weight by dieting. Working out is better. It's healthier too.

Indelible Ink

The AG maintains that the ink can be misused. His case is - if someone gets hold of the ink, and then, simply marks in on say all folks from a village. These folks would then be barred from voting, thus being unfair to them.

http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2011/11/15/nation/20111115205440&sec=nation

So, my dear AG - how does this differ from the requirement to present MyKad to vote?
Someone pays the villagers RM 50 each, keeps their MyKad for 24 hours on voting day. Villagers, without the MyKad, cannot vote. Wouldn't that be a violation of their constitution rights?

We all know what is happening. Since MyKad is a require and it is a non-issue, what is the issue then with the indelible ink? I know. We know. It has to do with one of the 4Cs.... cheating.

Hamsap in Shah Alam

I was at this hypermarket in Shah Alam. It was a somewhat busy Sunday, with some promoter gals offering food samples, etc to try. One young, cute, tudung-clad gal come up to me.

Gal: Hi. Nak cuba?
Me: Oh. Itu soalan bahaya. Nak cuba apa?
Gal: Hehehe.
Me: OK la. I cuba.
Gal: Hehehe.

I decided to push my luck.

Me: Nak cuba, boleh?
Gal: Hehehe.

Then, we happily exchanged our phone number. The following day was her off day from work. Suffice to say - it was a 'very satisfying' date at a hotel. We did cuba (try) heaps. Good thing is, she didn't go hehehe anyone once we started 'trying' each other.

A test of the heart & soul

The great emphasis nowadays is the mind. From young, mothers are bombarded with messages for DHA milk, make her child learn the fastest and be the smartest. Then, we reward 'bright' students. And in the big bad world, it is all about the money money money. To earn more, one will need a good mind or skills. The objective - to buy a new iPhone, or a new handbag, a car perhaps, gadgets and go clubbing. 

Occasionally, I would get this question "Does she love me?" or "Should I marry her?". I mean, how would I know. Most of the time, I do not know the other party. But for one to ask such a question, it usually means more than just cold feet. There could be some serious doubt.

Recently, H and I organized a visit to a orphanage in Klang. We contacted our friends and I could say almost everyone contributed. H was however very annoyed with one rich, towkey. This guy has been flirting with H for ages - well before I got to know H. It never went beyond flirting - and some very very dirty talk. Now that H has some equally sexy friends, this towkey (businessman) enjoys going out with H for clubbing. He usually pays for the bills. However, when H asked him to donate for the orphanage - his true colours showed. He promised, and then - kept quiet and did nothing. Even worse, started not showing up for their clubbing sessions. No one would understand why. Firstly, if he had donated lots of money, the girls would have adored him, and perhaps would go beyond flirting. After all, he was paying tonnes for drinks. Trust me, the bills can be up to RM 3000 per night just for drinks. H's feelings? Best described by the phrase "hell has no fury like a woman scorned." Note - H is furious at his lack of compassion, not the guy no longer buying her drinks. Trust me - she can get free drinks anytime from almost anyone (lesbians / bi included) if she so wanted to.

Either way, that guy would have come up tops - if he had donated RM 100. Firstly, our largest donor was RM 200 by a very generous gal. It surprised even me. This taukey could have done RM 1000 easily. If he did it for sex, surely a number of gals would have bought it. If he did it purely out of kindness, he would have just enjoyed helping others. But he didn't. Not only that, now the girls are naturally - not only avoiding him, but posted enough on Facebook to remind me to be generous in such future events - if I needed the reminder anyway. It is worth repeating - Hell has no fury like a woman scorned. I also learnt (and will remember) that in addition to just posting stuff on Facebook, this bunch of sexy gals actually call each other almost immediately and discuss about it. In great detail.

Now, back to the topic - how do we test someone's heart and soul? It is not that difficult. Here are some suggestions - and you get the general idea. Test apply to both guys and gals - although I use the gender specific pronoun.

1. Organize a trip to a orphanage or a old folks home. Ask your friends to join in or to donate. Now, you get to see what the person is. Will the gal with the latest Gucci and the complete LV collection donate the most? Will the guy with a Ferrari give the kids a ride? Post it on your FB wall...and see who actually replies. If you are a pretty girl or a rich guy - compare the response to a post like "Hey - tonight I wanna go clubbing at <>. Who wanna  join me?"
2. Does he stop for pedestrians? Or give way to others? Does she jump the queue while driving? It says a lot about a person. It shows how much they care for others.
3. How does he treat his subordinates? Does he appreciate their help? Or think his subordinates or team mates are a burden? What happens when someone in his team makes a mistake? Does she gossip? Apply the gossip test. Have one trusted person plant a rumor in her. See if it spreads.
4. How does she treat her siblings? Spends time with them? Are her siblings (usually younger) close to her or would they run away / keep away?
5. How much time does she spend with her parents? If you schedule a date with her, would she jump at it and 'dump' her parents? Or would she say, sorry - "I have to go out with my mother"? Or does she say "Aiyoo Ah Ma.... why need to go to the hospital again? You ask sister to take you la...".
6. Is he a Mr. Price-tag? Borrow his car (if he has a fancy one.). Call him 30 minutes later. Tell him you had an accident. Does he ask about you first, or his car first? If he is more worried about his car than you, and you do not appreciate that, consider dumping him and a way to keep the car.
   Note: Do not lie. Just say you met with an accident. Do not say what accident. It could be running over a gecko or a fly was killed when it hit the windscreen. You get the idea.
7. What happens if a waiter spills wine on her RM5000 LV bag? Does she become an ugly Miss Price-Tag yelling and shouting, reminding the poor waiting the he would never ever afford the bag? Then tell him how expensive the aged French wine is and he will never be able to enjoy it. Or will she forgive the poor waiter when he has apologized? The thing is this - the really rich ones and for the few who can afford the expensive stuff - they usually cannot be too bothered about all these. To them, it's just buy another.
8. Does she have more books or more shoes? Does he have more books or porn DVDs? What does one read? Romance? Humanities? Self help? How to sell more, make more money?
9. How does she react in a check-out queue when an old lady in front asks for the total amount for the tenth time before hearing it, then starts fumbling for the exact change? Does she roll her eyes with the please drop dead somewhere else expression? Or does she say - poor old lady. Or does she run out to the cosmetic aisle and get more 'anti-wrinkle' cream for herself with the better-not-end-up-like-her expression? 
10. What if the Ah Pek (old man) in front of him drives really slow and takes almost forever to get out of a junction? Would he start swearing? Or will he just take the opportunity and appreciate your sexy thighs? That would be how he would be treating you when you are old and slow.
11. When was the last time he took his father out for a meal? Or she took her mum out shopping? It does not count if it goes like "Ah Pa...eat faster la. I wanna date that hot gal / <> la... cannot tahan already."
12. Does he go out for lunch with anyone from the office, or only equals? Or does she try to go out for lunch only with the Mat Salleh boss? If there is an office function, does he mingle with his bosses only, or does he ensure that his staff are well fed and comfortable? I learnt that this means a lot to non-executive staff. Bad enough they already feel out of place, and their immediate superiors won't even talk to them.
13. When he shows up for the interview, how does he treat the reception? Ask a cleaner to mop the floor or vacuum the place, where she is sitting. What does her face say? How one treats subordinates is the true reflection of his/her heart & soul.
14. Don't just ask your sexy friend to hit on your bf to see how he reacts or will he cheat on you. Instead, ask one that's ordinary looking, or less sexy (in his terms), or someone completely not his taste and hit on him. How would he reject her? Kindly or a stab-in-the-heart type? I've heard it all from "If you lose 50 pounds, then I will consider" or "I am so pretty, sure I can date better guys. If you are driving a BMW...then, I might date you la".
15. Ask him "Dear...what if I am pregnant?" (for non hubby cases). See what happens. Best if you can set it up - as in SMS him to say you have something important to ask him, book a restaurant. Make it like a 'big event'. However, do note : Ask him what if you are pregnant. Don't lie and say you are pregnant - if you are not. If he finds out you are lying and he dumps you - I am not liable for it.

There is no right or wrong response. Consider this. If the sexytary wants to bed the boss for a quick promotion, and the boss is the real hamsap and flirty type - good. Match made in heaven.

If he is after her bedroom skills and she is after his money - good. They can go screw each other.

The problem starts with when he wants a wife and she wants a sugar daddy. Or he wants a fuck buddy and she wants a family. Be wise. It's a cruel world.

Hamsap B2B Massage at Bandar Permaisuri, Cheras

It has been sometime since I had a good B2B massage. This time, I ventured out to Cheras - very far from where I stay. But alas, the trip was worth it. This place is near Smart Hotel. That's about all I know. The rest of the work was done by my GPS. BTW - I really have not much of a clue about Cheras.

When I arrived, my buddy OKT Ah Chai greeted me. There were only three massage ladies available - all in their 30s. The two Thais were sexy and super busty. But he told me to try the lady from China. He told me she's the BJ master.

So, off I went. The body to body (B2B) massage started soon enough. It was pretty ordinary for a B2B massage. She knew how to excite. She knew what needed to be massaged. Then, I turned over (massages usually start lying on the stomach); and she continue with the massage.

Then came the question "Do you want a BJ?" I kept quiet. Next question, very seductively "How about fire & ice? Or make love?" I opted for the Fire & Ice. What is it? It's simple. She brings in two glasses of water. Gives me a regular BJ (which she is really good at), takes a small gulp of cold water and continues with her BJ. This is done with the cold water in her mouth. It was a very good and over-whelming sensation. 

After a minute or two, she spit out the now warm-water into a bucket, and slithered her naked body up my body...and whispered in my ears.. "You like that?" My cock was between her legs, just outside her pussy. Well, given my difficult position, I could not disagree with her. Next question " Can you control? Or do you want to cum? If you want to cum, let me know. The 'fire' BJ will be very intense... most guys cum immediately". 

I said I was OK. She wanted confirmation "Just OK? Or can still take it?". I said "Can". 

So, she started the "Fire" BJ. And true to her words, it was very intense. What a feeling. I was on the verge of a "happy ending", but I manage to hold on to it. To cut a long story short, she kept alternating between fire and ice, so to speak. It was really good. 

Towards the end, again with her body pressed against mine, she pointed to the two almost empty cups. She said " I like it... you know how to control." We gave each other wicked smile before she continued with Fire till I came in her mouth. She sucked like ...well, a pro. "You shoot hard". Oh well, what would you expect? "Wish we can make love"....then I should be charging her.

All in all, it was a very pleasurable session for an hour. Tipped her a fair bit. Official fee would be RM 120 only. I must mention Ah Chai gives me a special rate. For those with mild erection problems, you might wanna consider some Viagra / Cialis before this...just to keep it hard during ice. For the record, I needed no "supplements" for my "performance". 

Have fun!

Relationship Status

The term "Complicated" as a relationship status is sure overused. And misused. As for most relationships, it is far from complicated. The status "Complicated" should be reserved for truly complicated relationships. For example:

Complicated:

Abby loves Adam. However, Adam's dad has been secretly fucking Abby. Abby does it for cash. Adam does not know about it. Adam's sister, Sue, knows about her dad and Abby's relationship. Sue is a lesbian and has the hots for Abby. Sue blackmails Abby to sleep with her. Reluctantly, Abby agrees as she still wants to be with Adam.

Twisted:

Same as above, but Abby is pregnant with Adam's dad child. Abby and Adam will get married soon. Sue wants extra time with Abby after the marriage. Adam is actually gay.

So, if the relationship is nothing like the above, please stop using the word 'complicated'. It is not complicated. See below for the proper definitions (to me at least)

MBA

Married but available. It could be a open MBA, or a secretive one. 

Dilemma

Unsure if one wants to continue with the current bf/gf or husband/wife relationship. 

Example: Relationship status: In Dilemma with Amber.

WFO

Waiting for Opportunity. When the time is right, this person will terminate / end relationship with current partner. The right 'time' could be:

• When a rich 80 year old comes along. He does not have any heir either. Does not matter if he has hair or not. 
•  A sexy 17 year old comes along, with natural C cups, 170cm tall and loves sex.

You get the idea.

SAD - Class 1

Single and Desirable

SAD - Class 2

Single and desperate

Cheating On & Cheating With

Example: Relationship status: Cheating on Wilson; cheating with Johnny. 

If anyone declares it as such, it am sure it will make the Jerry Springer show look like Sesame Street.

For Show

Example: Relationship Status: In relationship with Camelia; For Show with Dianna.

Very suitable for those who has one for show; and one whom he really loves. Typically for males; but rich datin-datins are catching on too.

For Money

Similar as above, but more applicable to girls. Guys are catching on too.

For Sex

Example: Married to Kent; for sex with Jimmy & Sue.

Suitable for the bored housewives or house-husbands.

SNA

Single and not available. Happy with being alone. Don't ask any more. Moving on...

Yoyo

Example: Gal loves guy. After some time, starts fighting / arguing. Dumps guy. Stuff herself with food / Guy drinks and gets messed up. Make up, loves him again. Starts dieting for him / he repents and promises to quick drinking / smoking / gambling. Repeat.

Love-Hate: Class 1

Example: John loves to hate Sue. 

John actually enjoys hating / arguing / fighting with Sue. This feeling is mutual. Typically found in older relationships (both above 60 years old) and for whatever reason, they cannot go separate ways (like staying with separate kids for a few months). Must be together and keep arguing / nagging.

Love-Hate: Class 2

Sometimes they love each other; sometimes they hate each other. But not as severe as yoyo.

Mental

Status suitable for stalkers, those who yell none stop when they see Justin Beiber on stage; in-love with some manga character; spends more time with his sports car than his wife; having an online relationship with a 'pretty gal' when it is actually a twisted fat-so impersonating a 18-year-old girl. Frankly, most of us are under this category.


I recently read one:
Facebook should have a new feature. If one changes his or her status more than 3 times per month, it should automatically be "Unstable".

Budget 2011

Well, after hearing the budget from both sides of the house - nothing impressive. We all know which is worse and it is just like a bloody band-aid solution when the patient is almost dead.

Here are some ideas that I have:

• To keep prices of food low, all duties and excise tax on machinery directly involved in food production to be abolished.
• To help businesses, all individuals wishing to register for businesses (under Enterprise) with SSM will only be charged RM 10.
• All Sdn Bhd companies - with all shareholders as directors - will no longer require company audits.
• Stamp duty on all new Sdn Bhd companies with paid up capital of less than RM 100k will be halved.
• Fees for all traders in pasar malam, pasar, hawkers to be abolished.
• Petrol will no longer be subsidized.
• Cars APs will be abolished. All cars can be imported freely.
• However, excise duty on cars will remain with: 10% for cars rated to achieve 15km or more per litre of petrol (or equivalent in diesel); 15% tax on cars rated to achieve 11km per liter of fuel; 30% tax on cars with efficiency of less than 10km per liter of fuel. This is based on cruising speed of 100kmph.
• Road tax will be base on vehicle tonnage rather than on engine capacity. (as new hybrid vehicles have very small engines. After all, it is the weight of the vehicle that causes damage to roads).
• All excise and duties for busses, taxis (but must be used as a taxi for more than 8 years), lorries will be abolished.
• To assist SMEs, import and excise duties for all machinery using less than 10kW of power (or equivalent for gas-powered) will be abolished.
• Municipal councils will be allocated budget to legalize all illegal hawkers / traders. This includes providing them with stores and proper places to trade. (Why do we do a 'pemutihan' for illegal workers who are not even citizens but yet never even help citizens).
• Immediate ban on all logging and export of logs.
• For companies awarded under the Bumiputra status / quota - make it mandotary that their entire work-force (for staff with salary less than RM 3000) to be Malaysians. This is to prevent them from getting the projects being turned to Ali-Bangla or Ali-Bakso projects.
• Government will not interfere with private sector. (Eg - don't ask Telcos to absorb service tax).
• Service tax for mobile phones will be abolished.
• Taxes on all books and stationery to be abolished.
• Import and excise duty on all exercise equipment to be abolished.
• Service tax for gyms, sporting venues to be abolished.
• Sales tax for fast food (McD, KFC, A&W) be increased to 10%.
• Gaming tax on lotteries, 4D, etc to be doubled.
• Entertainment tax for cinemas to be abolished.
• Personal income tax relief for purchase of books to be increased to RM 1000.
• Bernas will no longer hold the sole permit to import rice. 
• All students will be issued with public transport passes to ride on all public transport for RM 10 per month.
• Instead of a RM 200 book voucher, all textbooks will be given free of charge to all students in public schools.
• Government will buy over rights of workbooks, and allow students to buy workbooks at cost for printing only.
• Will set up a Energy Efficiency agency.
• All energy efficient light bulbs, fridges, IT equipment, air-conditions will not be taxed.
• Electrical items not energy efficient / not rated will be taxed 20%.
• Personal income of less than RM 3500 per month will not be taxed.
• Tax and duties on all fertilizers; agro related chemicals for domestic consumption to be abolished.
• Minimum wage for all civil servants to be RM 1200 per month. However, minimum productivity will be introduced (let's get rid of the Monday-Blues 
• Maximum wage for all civil servants to be RM 10,000 per month
• All pensioners with pensions less than RM 1000 will receive a pension of RM 1000. 
• FELDA - only FELDA settles will determine their own future. They will be given a chance to vote if they want to publicly list this entity.
• FELDA must be headed by someone who has planted and tended to at least 1000 oil-palm trees over the last 5 years instead of someone who has been found guilty of money politics.

In order to save money to finance the above:

• All government tenders will be open tenders. No exceptions.
• Will start policy similar to the GSA by the US Government (http://www.gsa.gov/). All vendors must be registered; and prices are available online. If anyone is caught selling cheaper to others (non Malaysian Government); they will be removed from the list of vendors. (Interesting note - do see this link http://bit.ly/oPKA5V ). Directors will be blacklisted for 10 years.
• Immediate stop to all public relations campaign / adverts including but not limited 1Malaysia; congratulation notes to Prime Ministers / Wife of PM in New York / Mentri Besars; Wawasan 2020; meaningless songs by RTM; and other 'syiok sendiri' programmes.
• All government functions must be held in their own premises. No more hotel or resorts.
• For all functions, if attended by only the civil service, no food will be provided at the expense of the tax payers.
• For public function with more than 90% non-government staff attending, a cap of RM 25 per pax on food is allowed.
• All non performing / crime committing civil servants will be sacked; instead of 'retired', 'transferred to desk job', or 'promoted' to cold storage.
• All government buildings must reduce energy usage by 10% within the first 12 months and 15% by the next 18 months.
• All GLC 'C' Level staff to be paid only RM 10000 per month. Not a cent more. Balance will be in bonus if the company makes more than 10% profit based on paid up capital.
• All GLC 'C' level staff to be sacked if the comapny run losses in three years straight; or asset of the company is reduced for three consecutive financial years.
• If an individual causes losses to the Government, (eg - paying RM 50000 for a RM 5000 binoculars), the Government reserves the right to sue the negligent individuals and suppliers to recover losses.

So tell me - what do you think?

Better to read GutterUncensored

The quality of reports by The Star, a Make Chinese Angry newspapers is worse than gutter news. The entire newspaper is becoming a big puzzle to me.

Firstly, let's look at this article:

http://thestar.com.my/news/story-superlite.asp?file=/2011/9/28/nation/20110928082918&sec=nation

"SUBANG JAYA: Four people were injured while more than 300 people rescued and evacuated when an explosion occurred inside an eatery at the Empire Subang here early Wednesday."

Hmmm. At 3AM, more than 300 people rescued? What? They were having an orgy in Empire Shopping centre when the explosion happened? What the heck? Why so serious? The mind boggles. If 300 were evacuated, I would half believe. 300 rescued? That bad? Another Petknode case for human beings?

It is sad that The Star has to stoop so low just to make the headlines. No bloody wonder people prefer the alternative media. Why do I read it? Just to see what sort of shit they decide to report for the day.

Unfortunately, a couple was hurt in the explosion. Apparently (http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/malaysia/article/explosion-rips-through-empire-gallery-four-hurt/), they had dinner and then 'were talking' inside the car till 3.40am. Hmmm. That's at least 5 hours after dinner. A long chat indeed, if you know what I mean. But I sure hope they are OK and it was worth the bang, no pun intended.

In the print edition, Page 18 of the Star carries an equally puzzling report. http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2011/9/28/nation/9590281&sec=nation

“Upon seeing the gun, the robbers scattered. He fired three shots at them while they tried to flee on their motorcycles,” said SAC Ku. He said the robber was hit in the chest and collapsed. His accomplices left him and fled."

So, the report says that the robbers ran away (scattered) when they saw the gun. Then, the bugger was hit in the chest and died. How the fuck do you shoot someone in the chest when the bugger is running away? Or did he hit a lamp post while running away and died? Or a car hit him?

And then again, why the fuck is the police officer shooting robbers that were fleeing on the motorbikes? With no sympathies to the robbers, that's still wrong. 

Can you imagine the quality of the news they are dishing out to us? I mean, do they think we are dumb? And Rais is busy saying "Undilah" video doesn't have MCMC approval. How the fuck can MCMC approve the garbage that The Star publishes? Or is it a policy to keep the rakyat stupid while they rob us blind?

Next - (no fault of the Star this time around), the MACC officers - four of them, were caught robbing money changers in KLIA. http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2011/9/28/nation/9588193&sec=nation

Guess what?

They now said say "PETALING JAYA: The Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission said the actions of three MACC officers involved in the robbery of a money-changer at the KL International Airport recently was “serious”."

So serious, that they were transferred to desk job? So, if I work in a hotel as a bell boy, and I go rape guests, can I get transferred to a desktop only? Hehehe. This is just like the case of "she was not charged because she returned the RM 5million she stole 3 years ago". And people wonder why the Ringgit in crashing and the stock market is down the gutters while Indonesia and Vietnam is doing well.

I really think we are better reading GutterUncensored. At least there are some sexy pictures there to look at and obviously the blog is published with some care.

New Boobs Policy

I was stuck in traffic today and I got this wild idea. Many have complained about the NEP and that other races have been sidelined. So, I have this fantastic "idea" suitable only for Bolehland.

Spoof News: New Boobs Policy

Background
This policy is the mirror of NEP. NEP is to help less fortunate Malays and to ensure that they get a "levelled playing field."

To ensure that the other races benefit from similar policies, we now have the New Boobs Policy (NBP). Based on University Kangkung's research, it is said that Bolehland's Chinese women generally have smaller breast; especially when compared to her Malay counterparts. These smaller boobs have caused certain disadvantages, including but not limited to:

1. Direct loss of economic opportunities (for "commercial vehicles"); as some customers prefer bigger boobs.
2. Indirect loss of income (hamsap bosses giving promotions to ladies with bigger boobs / reduced opportunities during interviews)
3. Losing hubbies to China dolls with bigger boobs

Objective
The objective of NBP is clear. It is to give the less endowed (read "small boobs") a chance to access a more levelled playing field (actually, it is a more curvy 'playing field').

Policy
The following NBP will now be enforced

1. All taxes and duties for bras for cup size A and B shall be abolished.
2. GST shall be exempted for bars less than 300cc - that's cup A and B.
3. All bras for cup sizes A and B shall have mandatory "push-up" features.
4. For bras between 300cc to 400cc (C and D) - an excise duty of 50% shall be imposed.
5. For bras exceeding 500cc (E or bigger), an excise duty of 100% shall be imposed.
6. Langkawi and Federal Territory of Labuan shall continue to sell duty-free bras, regardless of size. However, duty free bras may only be taken out of these areas without tax if the visitors stay for more than 3 nights and there is a limit to two bras per person. Female above the age of 18 only.
7. All bras exceeding 300cc must be manufactured by selected companies. These companies shall be selected on a close tender basis due to national security reasons.
8. Imports of bras exceeding 300 cc must have MITI approved permit (AP)
9. Bras assembled locally (CKD) will have a lower tax rate.
10. Eco-friendly bras, such as those made from cabbage / lettuce / whip-cream will be tax exempt for current financial year. 
11. Cost of purchase of bra sizes A and B shall enjoy tax rebates, as long as the original receipts can be produced to LHDN.
12. Subsidy of RM 280 per cc shall be provided for cosmetic surgery for individuals with natural breast size not exceeding 100cc.
13. Subsidy of RM 180 per cc shall be provided for cosmetic surgery for individuals with natural boobs size not exceeding 200cc.
14. Typical of government policy, there is no warranty on outcome of surgery.
15. Service tax (20%) shall be levied on all cosmetic surgery for women born with boobs bigger than a C cup.
16. Lifetime rebate will be provided for purchase of bras for those who take up cosmetic surgery for boobs enhancement.
17. Policy is available for females only.
18. Bra cup information will be included in the MyKad under the application of "MyBra".

Boobs-a-kom
In order to determine the classification of boobs size for the purpose of NBP, a new 30 year concession will be given to Boobs-a-kom (not to be confused with PUSPAKOM). Boobs-a-kom shall:

1. Provide boobs examination and classification.
2. For "commercial vehicles", an annual inspection is required to ensure that boobs have not suffered fatigue from wear-and-tear as well as the effects of gravity.
3. Licenses for "Commercial vehicles" older than the age of 35 will not be renewed.
4. Long queues are expected. Please be patient.
5. "Vehicle" owners are reminded to clean their "vehicles" prior to inspection.

 Now, I hereby submit my application for a position in Boobs-a-kom. Of course, with NEP in place, I will not be applying for the DG of Boobs-a-kom. I would just be happy as a Head of Department for "New Vehicle Registration" section. Hehehehe.

I sure as hell hope the gov will not get ideas from my spoof news.

PS: I have way too much time on my hands. Hahaha.

Who is Jibby Afraid Of?

Just read this article that Jibby is not afraid of Anwar.

http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/malaysia/article/najib-im-not-afraid-of-anwar/

I can imagine. He has other stuff to be worried about:

1. French investigation of our submarines
2. His very own Deputy
3. Kak Mah
4. Victims of C4

Well, you get the idea. I suppose Anwar is the least of his problems...hehehe.

Marketing Problem

The biggest problem with MCA or BN - marketing. See - the above is Wee Ka Siong's blog. The entire blog is in .... Mandarin. Guess what, this banana-man over here (no reference to my penis), cannot understand nor read Chinese (and that includes my penis).

Think about it - how many with internet access, IT savvy that can read Chinese? And now, compare it to - how many that can read English. Then, compare it to Bahasa Malaysia. No wonder they are losing all the urban votes. Take a cue from McD or Coke. What language do is the menu in?

Sure - some say, it is for a targeted audience of Chinese only. Given that we are becoming more Malaysian than ever, is this still a smart move?

Guess somethings are destined to join the dodos.

License to Steal

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Why are we paying this bozo's salary?

Really? Why are we paying for his salary? What a bozo.
Just two days ago, the bozo denied speculation that the government plans to abolish ISA.
http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/malaysia/article/home-minister-no-talk-about-abolishing-isa/

And now, chief bozo announces: ISA to be abolished.

http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2011/9/15/nation/20110915205714&sec=nation

Unless the bozo thinks the chief bozo is only all talk and no action (NATO - no action talk only).

Can the government blame the rakyat of Bolehland of not wanting to pay taxes? Hmmm. Frankly, I rather just do some charity work.

Chief Racist

It really saddens and angers me when people make very racist statements. In this case, a chap (sometimes nicknamed "Mamak-kutty") is making more racist remarks.

Let me quote " I hope the Budget will strike a balance between the treatment of the Malays and non-Malays" Shit. What the fuck? He cannot even bring himself to say "I hope the budget will strike a balance for all Malaysians"?

He would still rather say "Malays and non-Malays" instead of Malaysians. What a racist. You mean, besides Malays and non-Malays, there is the "third kind" (aliens?) in this country? A typical mamak-kutty whom is a disgrace to his Bangla roots.

Hamsap at Uptown Damansara

This incident happened a number of months back. I didn't have the time to blog it. One day, my OKT friend Ah Chai called me. I was busy, so I did not answer at first. Usually, he would leave it at that and not call me again. But this time, he called back every 15 minutes or so. Eventually, I answered. He said "You free now? Must come over. I am looking after this place in Uptown and there is a very beautiful chick. She is out to "curi makan". 

I was very busy. So, I told him - sorry. Kind of busy. He asked if I was free at night. I gave the non-committal "see how, see first" response. I dismissed it as one of his marketing calls - trying to tell me that he has some new girls and to try them out. 

The next day, he called me again. He went to say that "Please make some time. The gal is out to "curi makan". Very nice body. And such a chance won't come by again." I said, see how again. I though to myself, his business must be real bad. 

In any case, he manage to convince me to show up at his new location in Damansara Uptown. Mind you, this location is new to him, but it is not a new place. I really didn't want to go to Uptown - the place is jammed. No place to even double park. Since I know I won't "Finish" in 5 minutes, it is really not an option for me to double park.

It was raining when I got there. Manage to find the shop (on top of Dragon & Phoenix Food Court). Guess what? There was a parking just a few meters away. My lucky day, after all. Before I knew it, the car in front of me took the spot. Oh well, such is life. Traffic was bad. And I manage to see this sexy and beautiful lady getting out of the car. Better look out for another spot. Fortunately, I found one nearby.

Walked quickly to this place. Ah Chai was there...and so was the lady who just parked. Wow. Good thing I didn't scold her. She's tall, slim, with a nice set of boobs and yeah - she's from Indonesia. I guess she must be studying at a private college, aged about 22 - but no more than that. 

Ah Chai then told me - she's actually some one's girlfriend. (more like mistress). Which explains the car. They met in a nightclub two days ago, and she told Ah Chai she wanted a good fuck. She is not here for the money, but for a good time. Oh. Now I understand what he means by "Curi Makan". I though 'curi cari makan'. My mistake... but at least it was not too late.

As for the place, it clearly an abandoned massage place, possibly with extras. Ah Chai was there supervising the clean-up works plus renovations. He prepared a place for us to have fun. 

Once inside the room, we were like lovers. Kissed and hugged. When she removed her bra, he boobs stayed exactly where they were, plus they remained the same size. That's my definition of a solid pair of natural knockers. Without getting into too much details, it was a very playful and sensual session with lots of licking, sucking and rocking action accompanied by an explicit soundtrack - mind you, we had it going for 90 minutes. Tried and did almost everything. She's real hot and naughty. Clean too, might I add. Good thing I didn't have to worry about parking.

At the end of it, we were both very satisfied, tired and happy. Thanked Ah Chai and left. No, I didn't have to pay for it. However, I was wondering if I inadvertently ended up being a gigolo. How was I to tell if Ah Chai didn't ask for money from her? Well, at least she didn't tip me. Hahaha. But I wouldn't have minded such a good 'customer' anyway. And don't ask me how come this Ah Chai guy recommended me to her. Maybe he got my 'reviews' from his other gals in the past.

Did I get her phone number? No. Why? I analyzed the situation. She was out to curi makan (cheat). I didn't know who the other guy is/was. And lets just say - C4 are readily available for the Malaysian police to blow people up. NFA.

How to Get a Fuck Buddy

I cannot even remember if I posted this or not. But I keep getting request "can you give me the gal's number. I am looking for sex."

Plenty of guys and girls are looking for sex. So? And why should I give out my friend's number to a stranger online? If you are a guy, how do you like it if I give your number to some old auntie with a few teeth missing or a 100kg-gay-guy? Or worse still... some tele-marketer creep? Which reminds me, the worst has to be a guy (plus a cute Malay girl) from a local fitness centre. They would call and call and call. If only I have a way to feed them with my enemy's phone numbers.

How to get a girl is simple or fuck-buddies, is simple

1. First - be their good friend. This takes time and one must be sincere.
2. Second, if you have the opportunity to go out for dinner (even in groups), ask the girl that you think is horny or is open minded, if she wants to drop by your place.
3. In short, you have to be brave and open about it. If you are shy - forget it (unless item 4 to 6 applies)
4. Helps a lot if you are handsome
5. Helps even more if you have a nice car (Camry, BMW - you get the idea).
6. Have your own place. Most gals hate budget hotels as people might think they are prostitutes.
7. When you have your own place, keep it clean and tidy. It should be a love nest instead of a pigsty. 
8. If you don't have your own place, work harder and get one. After all, it is a good investment.

But the most important to convert from a one-night-stand to a long term fuck-buddy:

1. Make damn sure she has lots of fun in bed.
2. Make her cum as many times as possible.
3. Care about her needs in bed.
4. Don't be selfish, or ask her to do things she is not comfortable with. Which is why I prefer to find out their bedroom preference first during dinner, or chatting with her.

If you just get a phone number, imagine this - why you? Any hot blooded guy (and some lesbian / bi gals) would want to bed her? So, why you? This question applies to interviews, job promotions, etc. Why me? Why you? Do you have strength and endurance? Strength - able to hang a wet towel on your man-hood. Endurance - keep the towel in place till it is dry.

The most common reason I hear is, the guy cannot satisfy the gal (for gals with bf or husbands already). This is not just related to size - but attitude. Some just strip and fuck them for 5 mins. No foreplay, didn't excite her. Ask for BJ with CIM, but won't even kiss and suck her nipples, let alone lick her till she cums. So, what can one expect? Every one wants to have fun. For guys, how do we like it if a gal is just like a limp fish in bed (to a gal, this is the guy that fucks like a bunny and nothing else).

Whatever we do, do not lie. The worst is to say "I love You" just to jump into bed with a gal. Frankly, that is plain evil. Better to just find some paid-fun outside. Also - it can be very sticky (no pun intended) - girl might get pregnant, or clings to you (and this is when I say - that bugger deserves it...who ask him /her to lie?).

I don't say I am a good lover or great in bed. So far, I have sufficient fuck buddies (who ever has enough??) and good feedback.

Idiot Olympics on in Malaysia?

I didn't know that the Biggest Idiot Contest in on in Malaysia. There appears to be no shortage of idiots trying to out-do each other, usually at the level of the Federal Government. To say the least, the competition is stiff. My nominations would be:

The Best Idiot Award (70%) has to go to...the current "Hell Mini-ster". Why?

I read that they wanted to control the sale of acid in light of the current acid-attacks. (http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2011/8/23/nation/9350801&sec=nation)

So, how is this going to happen? Does that mean that we can buy cars now but without the car battery? Or when we sell cars and we have to remove the batteries and keep in under our beds? Unfortunately, acid is extremely common in our daily products. Even lime juice (when concentrated a bit) can be corrosive. In short, it is damn difficult, if not impossible, to control the sale of acid. 

The Hell Mini-ster should have taken a hint from Hong Kong. If they didn't ban acid or control the sale of acid during their episode of acid attacks, how come he thinks we can? 

What should have been done is:

• Firstly, do NOT publish the attacks. Think about it. So what if you publish the attacks? There is no one the victims to prevent it. But it gives the sicko encouragement to carry out more attacks. 
• If you must publish the attacks, please tell people what they can do. Do not walk alone is about as stupid as it gets. So, how? You mean, we never walk alone? Avoid lonely places? So, walk in groups and get molested? Or raped? In short - there is only so much we can do and in this case, there is nothing much to do.
• The best 'cure' would be to tell the public to carry some fresh water as well as soda bicarbonate (found in baking sections, for about RM 1.50 per small plastic can). This will help neutralize acid, but it is not a good cure either. Again, if one is attacked, a friend or assistance would be required to rinse and pour soda bicarbonate on the acid splashed areas. This can be too late, but better than zero first aid.
• On Kosmo, it was published that they want to control the sale of acid. In a few pages, they reported the homeless in KL, and sadly was still homeless in KL during Hari Raya. This is the solution. A solution to crime. Imagine - the homeless is usually at the same spots for 24 hours, every day. They see a lot. Hear a lot and definitely knows the routine of the area, and who are the 'outsiders'. So, why not recruit them to be police informants? They only need to tell the police what they see or hear. That's it. Simple. In return, they get food, a place to stay and of course, a salary. They should be given free medical including glasses - just to be damn sure they can see and hear clearly. This is a win-win situation. The 'homeless' keeps a look out for the police / authorities, and they actually get employment. 

Alas, it really doesn't look like the government is competent enough to solve problems. It is more like a competition to see who is the biggest moron.

Another reason why the Hell Mini-ster should be nominated for 70% of this award is the Tear-Gas-a-Hospital Incident. All sorts of lies have been told, promises broken. Yet, no apologies. And more treats of saying MCA will stay out of government if they fail to perform. They should go ahead to even disband MCA should they fail to perform. Don't just stay out of the government and make noise behind the scene or end up being back-door Senators.

In line with our NEP policy, 30% of the Best Idiot Award goes to......Home Mini-ster (aka GAB promoter). Now we have tonnes of "legal" foreign workers and heaven knows how they ended up here - over 2 million of them. Funnily, I didn't come across that many sexy Indon gals. :) They are definitely bringing in the wrong 'talent'.

Gay Massage in Ipoh

Well, in Ipoh a couple of months back, and there I was - itching for a massage by men. After all, I have tried a lot of massages by ladies, so - why not something different.
Did some online search....and yeah - why not a "gay" massage - that is, massage by men.
To cut a long story short, I found this place opposite Regal Lodge. It's suppose to be a gay massage centre. It's just like any massage place, in terms of pricing and set-up. But the massage routine was significantly different. The moves are more rapid and more "power". Yes, they do offer extras including B2B massage.
All in all, I would say - I still prefer a sexy lady doing a massage for me, but it is a good experience that I would say - must at least try once la.

B2B Massage or Fuck-Shop

Let's be clear. If you want fried kuey teow, don't walk into McD. This is true for many things in life - including sex. If you just want sex, please don't get a girlfriend or worse still, get married for sex only. Or working from 9 to 5 in an office, hoping to get rich. Nope - those do not happen.

Similarly - if you want a massage, don't go into a place know for sex only. The massage cannot be good.

More importantly - there are a lot of 'fuck-shops' (get in, choose a gal if there is a choice, shower, bj, put on condom, fuck, cum, leave) - the kind of wham-bang-thank you ma-am shop offering B2B service. Don't bother paying for B2B in such shops. I will tell you why.

Their specialty is really a wham-bang-thank-you-ma-am. No more, no less. But occasionally, more precisely every 27 days or so, the gals will need a 'rest'. Locals say "auntie-visit". So, what do you do with these gals? Rent needs to be paid. Overheads as usual. Solution? Give them some red panties and offer B2B service.

You can imagine these gals - with zero B2B knowledge. It's worst than walking into McD asking for nasi lemak. At least McD will be honest enough to say "Sorry - we do not serve that".

Horny Massage - USJ...it started non-Hamsap

Well, there I was - lying naked on the massage table. It was a no-extra-service place in USJ. Mind you - the massage is good. Its usually by "China dolls". (As an aside, I won't call all of them dolls). But the massage is good. Strong. Knows how to give the muscles a good "workout" without me having to do much work.

She did vary the touch - from light to hard (almost bone-breaking) and the "feather touch". The feather touch was just before she told me to turn-over. Massage usually starts with me lying face down. You know what happens when you give a guy the "feather touch". Some other part gets hard.

So, I turned over. She started playing with my was-soft-now-hard part. Then, she dropped her pants. Dropped her panties, and started masturbating. Trust me - I was a good boy all along. I didn't talk to her (except for hello and please don't tell me I had her at hello), didn't seduce her (except for being naked - which is normal because oil is used for the massages), didn't touch her, didn't offer her money, didn't even wink at her.

Here I was thinking... what the heck. If only I could get more ladies to drop their pants and panties whenever they see me naked. Not to worry - I will not go round testing that idea. I seriously doubt if will have any positive effect. All I could conclude was, she was just plain horny.

Suffice to say that our hands got busy for the rest of the session, and we both ended up with our happy-endings. And no, she didn't ask me for money but I gave her a tip.

Robberies

My neighbourhood idiot, Jeff, is not happy. The story goes like this. Over the last few months, more and more residents have dropped out of the private security scheme - that is, they are no longer paying their dues. Of course, he residents are fed-up with all the failed projects that they had no say but had to pay for the damn thing. This included CCTV (which does not work) and closure of roads to the point it annoys everyone.

Jeff, as usual is going about his fear-mongering. He event went as far as to say that the guards will do nothing if they see a non-paying (non-participating) resident's house get rob/broken into. Jeff being Jeff, he only sells fear, condemning the non-paying residents. He never tells of the benefits of the paying residents.

Sadly, a good number of robberies happened. This unfortunately included paying residents. Let's get real. You think the bloody robbers will care if you pay for security or not? No. They do not care. If they see you as a target, they will rob you. Plain and simple.

Equally sad is to note that the community security scheme is failing a part, and as I have said years ago - it is ineffective.

Some facts about those who got rob as recent as 30 days ago:

• Appears to be committed by a gang of three or four men; driving a Alphard.
• One of the men (Malay / Indon looking) has a gun and handcuffs. He waves them around to imply he is a police officer (which is how he got into the gated community) - but never identifies himself as a police officer.
• One of the victims withdrew about RM 5000 from the bank earlier (many hours ago but within the same day). It appears that they do "tag" their victims.
• One victim was right next to the guard house. Guards did not know. I do not blame them.
• Waits for victims to leave the house for work in the morning or returns from work in the evening. Attacks when victim opens the main gate.
• In another case, victim goes out at night (about 8 to 9pm) to hang out / bring in the laundry. Robbers attacked and gains easy entry to the house.
• Most houses have walled fences (not the usual chain-linked). It is best to keep good visibility from the road to house. Privacy may be an issue but lets face it - how often do we have intimate moments in the garden?

It is at best troubling to have to blog about such things. Life must go on. We must stay on our guards and keep an eye out for each other. As I have stated, the above were robberies. Chances are, it is not random crime. They would have surveyed the place, look out for targets.

So, if we see anyone suspicious - inform the community, inform the guards, turn on more lights (show that we re-act) and yes - make a police report. Don't just bloody tell them - make a report. If the police stats begin to look bad, they will begin to act.

Fuck Buddies

Someone, or I have to admit, a few of my friends / readers have asked - how did I end up with so three (last count four) fuckbuddies? It is really hard to say.

I am not handsome, neither am I rich. I drive a 10 year old Proton around town. Swears and is definitely not the sweetest guy - quite the opposite actually. I tell things as it is and most people dislike it. But mind you, they know it is true. However, I do not point things out just to hurt people, but I only do so when asked. I believe that I should keep my mouth shut unless I have something nice to say; or the other fellow asked.

So, back to the original question - how did I end up with fuck buddies? I have no idea. I could guess. I suppose I am honest. If I see a gal or lady, and I want to bed her - just ask her. No need to lie or be shy.

And when I actually make it to bed with her, the objective is really to make sure she has a damn lot of fun too. Fun for both parties. If she has concerns, address them (like she may not want to go to hotels - so, be prepared to have fun in your place or her place). Don't just say "Never mind la, hotels are fun too... That does not address the problem.

I suppose the same is true for work, and indeed many aspects of life. First, we have to be upfront and honest about it. No point lying to others, and especially to ourselves. Next, communicate and if there is a problem address it. Don't just take the 'tidak apa' (never mind) attitude.

Good luck and have fun hunting :) If your hunt is successful, enjoy the results too.

Dave Above OK

A number of readers have asked about the exact location of Dave Above OK. I have been there about 3 weeks ago. All I can say is, it is not worth finding out exactly where it is now. Hardly any new "merchandize" and I suppose there are other places which are better.

Happy Hunting

Dumb Malaysians?

It worries me that Malaysians are getting dumb and 'dumber' by the second. No exceptions, myself included. It pains me a lot to say this, but I think it is time we take stock and improve. Take this article for example:


Original article:
http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2011/6/25/nation/8972945&sec=nation

This is taken from The Star. I did a "double take" at first - reading it again. What the fuck. A dumb ass motorist, heard an explosion, stopped his car to look? Shit. Wouldn't a standard reaction be get the fuck out of there fast? What if it explodes again? Oh...sui lor... or takdir tuhan lor. I think any Iraqi or al-Qaeda will know to duck if something explodes (unless they are they ones exploding as suicide bombers).

Come on. Imagine the Singaporeans laughing at us. Dumb fucks...they all have a death wish. Mind you, not a heroic one, but more of an idiotic death. What good could possibly come out from watching an explosion? No rewards. But you would cause traffic congestion, plus hamper rescue work. And not to mention another explosion that could well change this bugger's status from stupid bystander to an idiotic victim.

Even more concerning, hasn't The Star anything better to publish to this dumb-ass's comments?

Manhole at hospital

Now that the contractor for hospital maintenance, Faber Mediserve, has caused injury to the top cop in Penang, we finally hear some low-quality bullshit from the Health Minister. Those interested in the bullshit can visit:

http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2011/6/21/nation/8939724&sec=nation

If one reads Lim Guan Eng's letter, it is clear that this contractor is completely unfit for the job. http://limguaneng.com/index.php/2011/06/20/surat-yab-lim-guan-eng-kepada-menteri-kesihatan-malaysia-dato-seri-liow-tiong-lai-untuk-membatalkan-kontrak-perkhidmatan-penyelenggaraan-oleh-faber-medi-serve-sdn-bhd-untuk-semua-hospital-di-pulau-pin/

My immediate thoughts on - change the staff of the maintenance team. So, which unfortunate hospital is going to bloody get this team of clowns? Shouldn't this team be replace (sack and hire a new team) rather than replace? Also, why isn't there a bloody enquiry before sacking? Is it because they do not intend to sack anyone? Shouldn't the less-than-honorable Minister be asking for a full report from Faber and make the report public? It does concern the public right?

But alas, the Minister appears to be the spokesperson for Faber. You know... most spokesperson for a company would be paid by the company.

Not covering or securing a work site is an offense under the Health and Occupational Health and Safety Act. But no news of anyone being charged. If it was a private hospital, one could argue that Faber Mediserve was helping the hospital generate more business.

Then, the stupid Minister went on to say "As long as it is public space, they need to do their job properly." What the fuck? You mean if it was a private hospital they could demolish the place? Or they are allowed to increase the rate of industrial accidents for their own workers? Or injure doctors and nurses so long it is out-of-bounds for the public? Or kill-the-top-cop if it was a Generator Room?

Then this asshole goes to blame the age of the hospital. If that contractor cannot maintain an "old" building, get a new one - on a proper tender basis, of course. Certainly the hospital did not age overnight, and neither did any of its patients.

Even when such a serious accident has happened, all he could bloody say is "action MAY be taken". What kind of action? Shouldn't the buggers be sacked?

If he ever says that his hands are tied in appointing the contractor, I say, we get someone else who can get the job done of sacking the contractor. Bloody idiot. The part that gets me angry is, he really believes we 'stupid' Malaysians will accept such idiotic explanations.

Go rot in Hell

Well, I got an interesting respond from an anonymous coward, with the comments to be "Go Rot in Hell".

That's such an interesting comment. Something must have pissed of this person, although I suspect it could be more than one item pissing him or her off. But the comment itself. Rot in hell.

Well, surely we must know that it is not easy to rot in hell. Hot as hell, burn in hell - I would agree to it. But rot? Given that Hell is suppose to be hot, it is difficult to rot, if not impossible. Hell must be hot, thus low on humidity and perhaps even no water. Rotting requires somewhere damp, no sunlight and water. Micro-organism (not micro-orgasms) are also required. So, how could someone rot in hell?

Re-enactment

MACC (Malaysian Assassination Commission Club) got a stuntman to re-enact the alleged suicide. See more here.

Well, this damn sure gave the police some good ideas. Just at the right time too. They are busy investigating the allegedly Anwar sextapes. And guess what? They just found the gal. In order to get into the re-enactment business, the police has decided to try out "suitable" stuntman.

I can imagine what a re-enactment record could be like...

Re-Enactment Report
This is to check the authenticity of the sex tape. Ala MACC which asked a stuntman to jump out of the window to see if it was suicide or murder, PDRM has concluded this significant forensics test.

The female test subject, aka the alleged Chinese Prostitute (here-in after referred to as "PRC") was asked to corporate with the Police. Due to unforeseen circumstances, a number of stuntmen were required.

Stuntmen 1 (Code Name: Lingam)
The stuntman entered the set, and was busy talking on the phone. He was also gesturing wildly. For two hours, he ignored the very sexy PRC. PRC tried to seduce the stuntman to no avail. The stuntmen kept repeating "Correct Correct Correct", but the PRC appears to be confused by it all.

PRC got bored and started to video tape the stuntman talking on her phone. Test was immediately halted as it is too close to life of a not-too-long-ago concluded RCI. Just before leaving the set, the stuntman told the PRC "It will look like me, sound like me, but it will not be me."

Stuntmen 2 (Code Name: Saiful)
Stuntmen entered the set, PRC was not happy. PRC noted some semen was on the stuntman's clothes, and ass. PRC got stuntmen to shower. After that, stuntmen was trying to sell his ass to the PRC instead of having sex with the PRC.

PRC declined and stuntmen started to make offers to the cameramen and other crew. Re-enactment aborted.

Stuntmen 3 (Code Name: Jib)
Stuntmen was initially unable to get a erection. PRC tried hard. PRC nearly gave up. Then, the crew decided to excite the stuntman with the sight of some money. Stuntmen got real excited when he saw the money. He got an instant hard-on.

Just as things started to go as plan, someone tried to sneak into the set with C4 explosives. Re-enactment aborted.

Stuntmen 4 (Code Name: @Yo-rais)
Stuntmen entered the room. Saw PRC. PRC tried to make first move. Stuntmen then made a request - PRC must be dressed as a maid.

Stuntmen 5 (Code Name: CSL)
Stuntmen entered the room with PRC. Initially, stuntmen was not able to perform. Had to hide camera. Then, stuntmen performed extremely well, given his age.

Re-enactment is not conclusive. Stuntmen did not follow script. Too much oral sex.

However, before he left the set, he disclosed his secret...." I take Semi-Velu Viagra. Very potent and better than the usual Viagra. It's just like his political career. Once up, never down!"

Stuntmen 6 (Code Name: Semi-Velu)
Stuntmen entered room. Smiled at PRC. Started to make some promises to PRC, about improving estate life and etc. Suddenly, he wanted to collect money from the PRC. Says the PRC must pay toll. Otherwise, an act of god might happen.

Next...

Stuntmen 7 (Code Name: M)
Stuntmen entered room with a cynical smile. PRC smiles back. Stuntmen keeps his cynical smile. Nothing much happened. Stuntmen lupa his script. Then, lupa what he has to do. Also lupa .... He laments, "Melayu Mudah Lupa" before conjuring a biography and starts reading.

Next...

Stuntmen 8 (Code Name: Man on the Street)
Enters room. Mutters prayers. Starts scolding "You fellows have nothing to do is it?" Never seen someone fuck before? The economy is in shit. Inflation is sky high, mat rempits and snatch thieves every where. And you all are obsessed with a sex tape."

IGP walks in and punches stuntman on the eye.

**Censored**

To Investigate Further

There is a couple of points to clarify. Firstly, there is a need to check if the male actor in the porn movie was indeed circumcised.

Next, the alleged male actor will be subjected to a male (Sai-ful) and female (PRC) specimen in the same room. It is very doubtful if the alleged actor is gay, straight or both. This must be investigated in full.

On an unrelated note
Another re-enactment that we all love to hate: Get half a football team to fuck Saiful in the ass. Checks if he can goes three days without showering or shitting.

Why am I labelled a Chinese?

I get very sore every damn time a form ask me for race. Chinese, Indian, Malays are the options available, but no Malaysian.

Let me ask the authorities this, why the fuck are they calling me a Chinese?

Your Grandfather Came from China

Really ah? How the fuck to you want to prove my grandfather or my great grandfather came from China? You have a record of his boarding pass? Oh... you don't. Then? You know the date he arrived in Malaya? Oh, you don't. So, why the fuck do you say my ancestors came from China?

Who is my grandfather?
My paternal grandfather died when my Dad was still a kid. So, let's say I never knew him. The closest I ever get to him is his grave during Cheng Meng - which was two weeks ago. But I don't think that counts. At least I know his name.

Great grandfather? Sorry - no idea who he is. No photo, no name. Even the grave has long collapse. I am unsure if my Dad got to meet him. Back in those days, health care was poor and life expectancy was short. Then, the Japanese occupation destroyed any remaining paperwork.

Since I cannot trace further than my grandparents (paternal), how come some jokers call me Chinese for something that my great grandparents allegedly did (arriving from China)?

For the record, my paternal grandpa was born in Malaya, grandma in Indonesia now resting in peace in Melbourne. Maternal grandparents were born in Malaya and still well and alive in Perak.

My point is, even I am unclear of my family tree, how can the government call me a Chinese? As I have stated, my paternal grandmother was born in Indonesia. Serumpun.

Other doubts
And how the fuck do they want to prove that I am really Chinese, even if my great grandparents were from China? I mean, one of them could have married a local. Or had an affair with a local. Mind you, it was damn common to have more than one wife... even till today.

More than that, someone in my family could have been adopted. How do you know no one adopted a native, or a Malay kid?

And also, if Mahathir who is half Bangla is a bumiputera, how about me? I started even earlier ler.... my grandmother is from Indon. :P

It's not to say that I do not care about my background, but back then there were no records. My maternal grandparents never registered for their marriage but have been together since Japanese ruled Malaya. That's why it is not registered - the British were defeated and it was war time. No rules for adoption either.

Skin Colour
This is about as dumb as it gets. If someone wants to classify me by skin colour, it's got to be stupid.

If I stay in Melbourne winter for three months, then come back - what? Call me a PRC?
If I stay in the sun for two days? Malay?
Two months - Bangla?

Kind of stupid right? And clearly it does not work either. In any case, I can get more Fair and Lovely for my ass.

Present Day Facts
I present some interesting facts (not rumours, not hearsay, not circumstantial)

1. I speak English. Write in English. My Chinese is limited to my name, and shouting words related to the male and female anatomy referenced to mothers, fathers and grandparents.
2. If that classifies me as speaking proficiently in Chinese, I am equally proficient in Tamil. Hey - I grew up in a tough environment. One has to learn the essentials of a language.
3. My Malay is heaps better than my Chinese and Tamil.
4. I do NOT remit any money to China or India.
5. I have NO family relations in China, unless you count the massage lady from PRC.
6. I have no clue where my alleged ancestors came from in China. No idea which village, or state.
7. I eat more satay, tosai, nasi lemak than bah ku teh.
8. I prefer to bonk Malay and Indon girls compared to PRCs. Hahaha.
9. I rather vote for PAS than MCA, any time.
10. I cannot stand the sight of rude PRCs, regardless of how rich or sexy they are.

So, again - why am I Chinese? I am a Malaysian. I dare not even say I am a Buddhist. Taoist, closer. But don't ask me to name the deities or rituals. No clue.

This is the reality for most Malaysians. And that's is what being a Malaysian in all about. Gone were the days you could label a guy Chinese. Those Ah Pek that sent money home (in China) monthly, have relations in China, even die also want to be buried in China.- they are all long gone. That was a long ago era. The tin mines, no Facebook, no HIV, no cars. Fuck... in today's world, I even need an effing visa to get into China.

I really hope some lawyers will take the Government to the High Court to prove someone is Chinese or India, or whatever. It is time to wake up and realize this is 2011. More than 50 years after Merdeka. It's no longer 1811.

+ sign banned

We are eagerly awaiting for the + sign to be banned. In fact, the students are praying for the + sign to be banned. This would be that mathematics might not be a subject for them to study. In the mean time, Muslim students are allowed to skip sums which requires addition.

For example:
1+5 = "Sorry. I cannot answer this question as it is against my religion."

To replace the + sign with something more "Malaysian", some has suggested it be called Jib, in honour of the PM.

Question:
Class, what's 2 Jib 3?

Answer from student:
1

Teacher:
Why 1? How can 2 Jib 3 be one? Isn't it suppose to be 5?

Student:
Suppose to be 5, but Jib pocketed 4 maaah.

Are You Married?

This is a situation, with a twist. Recently, I met up with a faraway (geographically) relative, and she asked me:

Aunt: Are you married?
Me: Nope
Aunt: Oh good. I have a god-daughter to introduce to you. She is very beautiful, works for a bank at a managerial level. She's from Johor, but travels to KL often.

Me: ...

What goes on in my mind:

Wow. Didn't know my aunt was so open minded. I said I am not married wor. I did not indicate I am single and available. I could have two girlfriends now and three fuckbuddies (FUBU). And she already wants to introduce a girl to me. Not bad at all.

Hmmm. Is she really that hot and pretty? Wonder if the girl is open minded too. Or does she need a FUBU in KL? I would gladly know her. I mean, single girls have their needs too - in a sexual way. So, better me than some other guys right?

Aunt: So, you interested in meeting her?
Me: Of course.... :)

When I told H about it, she had a good laugh.

On The Way

This is another answer that gets me.

Question: Where are you?
Answer: On the way.
Next question: Would that be one leg out of bed, naked in the shower, or 1km from the office?

Again, it is clear enough. "Where" refers to a location. "On the way" refers to an action. So, how could the answer gel with the question? And frankly, I don't care if you are on the way or not. On the way can mean anything from "One leg out of the bed while french-kissing your wife/gf/bf" to "Just outside the office opening the door to enter the office".

Surely, that's a great difference. So, please respect each other's time. I can understand the occasional traffic jam due to accidents, floods, etc. Then again, if I could get there on time - why can't you question comes to mind.

This reminds me. I went for a meeting in Ipoh. I had a meeting in KL, picked up a buddy, then drove to Ipoh. Had a quick lunch and was at the venue spot on. One lady from Ipoh, was 15 minutes late. It was to meet the end client (not that lady!) for a million ringgit contract. Bugger.

That lady got it big time from my buddy. Serves her right. If her boss was not there, we would have went ahead without her. I would have done that. After all, she isn't a lady with a killer body and seductive smile. If one has those qualities, I would say it is OK. Why? Because the end-client would be dying to see her, and making the client wait would have been smart. More "kan-cheong" (exciting) right?

Picking up a girl

I met with a long time friend, who's now in Singapore. She was visiting Ipoh - so, I picked her up from the bus station. Not familiar with Ipoh, I needed to find out exactly where she alighted from the bus. Apparently, it was on the main road, near the bus stop at Gopeng.

Question: Hi L. Can you see McD from where you are at?
Answer: Ha? You want me to walk there? It's far.

This is the part that goes in my mind ... what the fuck. My question was clear enough. Could you see McD. I said nothing about walking. This is the kind of stupidity that really turns me off. She's a smart gal and works as a auditor. CPA and all. But yet, the kind of answers that I get - is like some 6 years-old kids. Heck, most of the time, 6 years-old kids give better answers.

Sometimes we wonder - why can't people just answer the question. And I cannot help but to think - do I do that too? Must be careful in the future.

In any case, I picked her up - took her for food. Ended up in her hotel and on bed with her. No la. Just sitting on the bed only. Nothing more. OK - we watched Astro. No mood for anything romantic already. Hahaha.

Went out for dinner and had some great food at a restaurant (Public Seafood). All for only RM 70. I think that's very reasonable given the food that was ordered and it was a fair bit for just the two of us. What do I miss? The dinner lor.

Naughty B2B Massage in SS2

I was in Aman Suria the other day. As I was half asleep, I made a couple of wrong turns on ended up on LDP during rush hour. Real shit. So, I decided to check out a place in TTDI. No bloody point sitting in a jam.

Went to TTDI, the place is opposite a school. No idea what's the name of the place. I left the navigation to my GPS. As they say, leave things to the expert. My GPS understands me - it leaves the girls to me. Hahaha. Anyway - this place in TTDI - no girls at all. They are expecting a raid. Oh - Bolehland.

So, off I went to Dave Service Centre above OK. Went in there, and well - the China ladies are back in China. Only Thais and one Indon. The Indon was sexy too! Took a B2B massage with a very sexy Thai girl. She has a nice and solid pair of assets.

She started the massage off - the normal massage. Her massage was good. It's really strong, but without pain. Ah - just the way I like it. Then, she proceeded to the B2B massage. Usually, it would be oil as lubricant for the lady's body to slide on mine. But this girl, it was very different. She used a lot of powder instead. I would say, that's really creative. Powder is less messy compared to oil. Easy to wash off too. And the effect - just as good, if not better. Oh, how I miss her powdered boobs. After some time, it ended up with me giving her boobs a massage. Hahaha. Have to be fair maah. I treat ladies well too. :P Cost - RM 188. BTW - I liked her service, not rushed, and not money-faced. She didn't even ask for a tip (although I gave her).

Well, according to the government of Bolehland, that's better than reading a Bible. The Bible is most unfortunately listed as a prohibited reading material by the Home Ministry. OK lor...what to do, I go for my massage la.

Poco Poco Banned

The poco-poco dance has been banned. Refer to article at:

http://www.bernama.com/bernama/v5/newsindex.php?id=575453

One cannot help but to think, what else would this imaginary Bolehland ban? Here are few suggestions:

Alphabet 't'
The small letter 't' resembles the cross, which is in reference to Christianity. As such, this letter will be banned. However, the government of Bolehland is rational and understanding. Capital letter 'T' will still be allowed.

't' shall be replaced with 'T" aT all Times. We musT never use the small leTTer 't' again as it mighT cause The counTry To be corrupTed. Any publicaTions wiTh The small leTTer 't' will now require permission from the Home MinisTry and musT be sTampped wiTh The words "For ChrisTians only".

Cross Roads
All road junctions must now be upgraded and changed - from the cross roads to a round-about. Cross-roads resemble the cross, which is referenced to Christianity. More than that, cars travelling on the cross-roads would inadvertantly form the 't'. A big no no. Just be like Shah Alam - use big round-abouts instead of cross-roads.


Projects to convert (no pun intended) cross-roads to round-abouts will be carried out by direct negoTiaTion insTead of a Tender process. This is to immediately stop the corruption of young minds but to fuel corruption of the rich and powerful.

Road intersecting other roads at 90 degrees would also be banned.

Cross Road Signs As and when the cross roads are converted to round-abouts, the cross-road signs must be replaced with the proper round-about signs.


For cross signs that are not replaced, the cross sign must be remounted 45 degrees clock wise. This is to make the cross road signs appear "X" rather than "t".

A similar rulling applies to the Red Cross. Otherwise, the words "For Christians Only" will be printed in bold next to the cross signs.

Come to think of it, if all the cross-roads are reserved for Christians Only.... heck, I would be a baptized by tomorrow morning. Imagine - no jam. That's really God sent.

Arms Wide Opened

In my humble opinion, this is the most serious. Not only it resembles the cross, it resembles how Jesus was crucified. Absolute horror. (to non-Christians, how could we be linked to another religion. For Christians, imagine the pain and sacrifice made by Jesus).




Now - what to do with non-Christians having their arms wide open is a big question. Possible ideas include:

• Charging them in a religious court
• Asking them to bend their heads back too
• Off with their heads
• Tie a string between waist and arm. This string will be the mechanical limiter, preventing innocent and unsuspecting non-Christians from spreading their arms wide open.

However, there is no limit on girls (or guys) spreading their legs wide open. Actually, guys and girls are encouraged to spread their legs - as that will never resemble the cross. I am all supportive of this one.

Unrelated News

However, the screening of porn recordings would still be allowed, so long the following rules are adhered to:

1. Producers must be a Dato' / Datuk / Datuk Seri / Tan Sri / Tun
2. Main actor / actress must resemble a member of DAP, PAS or PKR
3. Screening must be done in Carcosa Sri Negara

For those who are unfortunate to appear in such porn movies, please contact Lingam. He will make a good lawyer for such cases.