Dogs versus Cats

Dogs have been condemned to be dirty. It's hard to get a dog license here. Plus, it is shoot to kill for the poor dogs. Cats on the other hand has been given free access to the house and it is indeed very welcomed. Are cats better? Well, here's my take:

1. My dog is home 24 / 7. Cats are free to roam. Heaven knows who's garbage they have been eating and digging. What if the garbage contained pork? Hmmm.
2. Cats are more likely to go after rats, cockroaches and heavens know that else. Dogs (house bound) are unlikely to go after such filthy creatures.
3. Cats kill birds.
4. Stray cats have given birth on my neighbour's bed. Yukky rite?
5. Some stray cats are full of fleas. I have been badly bitten once when the bugger walked pass me.
6. Cats poop every where - when they are out of the house on their own.
7. Cats fuck other cats freely. Dogs can be house bound. And castrated. How often do they castrate cats in Malaysia? So, they go round fucking every other cat on the block, bringing back god-knows-what diseases.
8. Dogs bark. But hey - you heard cats fighting the whole night during mating season? Just as a bloody nuisance as barking dogs.
9. Dogs have de-worming medication, flea shampoo, etc. Never seen de-worming for cats.
   
10. I shower my dog once a week. Cats? You say ler?

So, how can people come to the conclusion that dogs are dirty? At best, cats are just as filthy. Get real. It's time to get rid of stray cats, and people with cats should seriously think of keeping their pussies clean.

How much is enough

Some people say, I don't want my house to look like a jail with locks and grills. Well, please start thinking like a thief. Say, I want to rob something? Who do I rob? Surely, the richer the better. And, it has to be low security too. The lower the security, the better.

So, if you don't want your house to be a jail house, please don't deco it like a palace. Be modest la. If you want to flaunt your wealth - please have some security. Unless of course you happen to the the local Ah Long or a gang member.

How much is enough? Easy - make it about 8% to 10% of your budget for renovation and furnishing. Although that's the budget - remember - it is best to be safe and secure by design.

Security Aspects to consider when renovating

When you get a new house, please don't only worry about what colour the tiles will be and extending the kitchen. Sure, we all want it to look good, but at the same time - make it safe and secure. Standard security isn't any good - because the security market in Malaysia is basically a cowboy market. The best price wins. I leave it to your imagination on what that would be.

In any case, here are some points to consider - mind you, these ideas are real cheap:

1. Use solid timber doors (about RM 300 each) for front and back doors.
2. Install quality lock sets - use a 5 lever mortice dead lock.
3. Install grills on the outside. The idea is, put vibration sensors on the grills. When they attack the grills, the alarm will sound. It will still take them at least 10 minutes before they can break the wooden door. I have seen some houses with security doors only - no grill. The thing is, when the door is attacked, the alarm will only sound when the door is opened. This means, when the alarm sounds - the intruders are already inside!
4. Install smoke detectors - one on each floor. Just outside the bedroom, near the stairs is a good place. It's only RM 60 for two at Ace Hardware.
   
5. Build in a hook where the stove is. Chain and padlock the gas cylinders to this hook. This is to prevent intruders from using your gas cylinders to break your room doors (when you are in the room!). Typically, this should cost no more than RM 10.
   
6. Fit a fire extinguisher in the store room (RM120 at most).
7. Even if you do not want a alarm system, put in the wiring. Wiring is about RM 30 per 100 meters. You might need only three rolls.
8. Select which lights you wish to have timers on. Use a high quality timer (Hager) which is about RM 100. Better still, use a light sensor switch. It's only RM 40 plus - you never have to adjust the time. Select which lights you want to turn on when dark. Turn on outside lights, especially the back of the house and porch.
9. Install a low wattage, energy saving light bulb for the back door and the front door. (Light case can be as cheap as RM 20 each, RM 8 for light bulbs from Houz Depo). These are the ones that should be linked to a timer or light sensor.
   
10. Install wiring for autogate. Use armoured-cable - which is only about RM 20 per meter (Jalan Pasar).
11. Locate a spot for your alarm panel, phone line termination and DSL (internet) router. Terminate all the wiring here, and in the future, you can link your alarm system to the internet.
12. Install at least two emergency lights. It is about RM 80 each. In the event of a black-out, (disasters like earth quake - or in Malaysia landslides, or even a fire) you can still see where to go. Make sure one of them is at the electrical distribution box - you can still see where to turn on the mains should the ELCB trip during lightning.
    
13. If you plan to have a safe - start designing a hiding place for it. Ensure it is bolted to the floor. In any case, I do not advise a safe at home. Fire resistant cabinets for valuable documents will suffice.
14. If you intend to employ a maid - consider a maid-friendly design. That is a door between the kitchen, wash area and the maid's room to the rest of the house. In other words, the maid can access the kitchen, wash area and go out by the back door. That's it. Why? Without this extra door, she can always let in her boyfriend and gangbang buddies when you are asleep. An extra door - could be as low as RM 300; and RM 200 for the mortice dead lock (or a Union Night Lock).
    

So, looking these basic items, what's the total cost. Without a safe an a alarm system - these safety and security items cost less than RM 500 (I assume you already have the wooden doors). Even with the doors and the alarm system (typically RM 2500 when wiring is done) - it would be still below RM 5000. Of course, if you want a safe and the maid, it will cost a bit more.

Yet - fellow citizens find it hard to justify the RM 5000. But, the LCD TV is a must, Astro has to be there, change tiles, air-cond here, air-cond there, down lights, paint house... all will be included. Some will even put in a fish pond. Most people budget between RM 50,000 to RM100,000 for renovation plus furnishing. So, why not 10% of the budget into safety and security?

All I can say is this - I have heard of too many cases of break-ins. After it happens, the owner will pay anything for security. But the really sad part it, usually the wives will be terrified of knowing someone has been into the house, and she would be badly traumatized. Shifting to a new house isn't exactly a great option.

The Darren Monologue

Wonder how a possible monologue could be:

Scenario 1
Hello. Yes, this is Darren.... oh, you are Ryan is it? Hi. Nice to hear from you. Daphne is your wife right? I see... Yeah, I have been fucking her la. You don't mind right? Oh like that ah.... OK lor.... I try not to fuck her again la. But don't worry la - it's just sex. We don't love each other. What? She said I love her. Of course I have to say that lar. Else, how to get her to spread her leg?

Another scenerio:

Aiseh. Actually, Ryan - your problem is not with me la. Daphne gatal. You have to satisfy her la. She is not satisfied, so I heard. How? I can help you one... I can recommend you cheap viagra, or if you prefer Cialis la. Ah yes...I also know of a good friend. He can supply tongkat ali and give you some urut batin. That way, you will be strong la. If you satisfy Daphne... no need for me to fuck her la. I mean, I am also married - not suppose to fuck her maaah. Some more, I also have to service my own wife. Right? Oh. She also complain about your skills. Aiya. Normal la. Not every guy has good skills. Easy la.... if you want, we can organize a threesome. Then you see how we can satisfy Daphne lor. Ha? Oh... like that ah, I bring my wife along la. Foursome is also fun maah...

OR:

Wei brother Ryan. Not my fault ler. Daphne come and seduce me. You know la. She is so hot. Whenever she works near me, she spreads her legs. Show her tits. Aiyoo. How to tahan. So, I also like kena rape la. Not my fault ler. I think you better settle her first...

And a few months later:

Ah...Ryan ah. Wei. I am in a fix la. Daphne say I got her pregnant. I need you help la, Ryan. Can you be the legal father. I mean, I also have three kids already... not easy la nowadays. Everything barang naik. Cannot meh? You just pay for Isobel financially la. I won't say anything. Daphne also won't say too much....because, I suspect Isobel is not mine. How I know who? But you tolong tolong la. Just pay for maintenance lor.

I know... but not bad maah. You don't need to exercise in bed...I also understand. Businessman like you very busy, not free to make babies. So, consider this as ready made.....fast food McD type la. You go to McD, you worry where the cow come from or not? No maah....just pay and eat only right?

So, can or not... please la bro.

OK la wei....I owe you one brother..... next time we go cheong, the gal on me la.

Will the Father Please Stand Up

Here's another one fellow with a weird definition of gentlemen. It's about the Daphne Iking case. Go read the interview on The Star.

"Yes, I can understand that he is enraged. However, he made no indication of wanting to settle it like a gentleman..."

Hang on. What makes you think you are a gentleman? You fucked someone's wife. And now, you are implying that lady is a slut and the child is a bastard.

You declared in court that you are not the biological father of Daphne’s daughter, Isobel?

Two parents (mother and father) with O blood type cannot result in a child with A blood type, which is the blood type of Daphne’s child.

Good la. Now you tell the world that Daphne Iking must have been sleeping around, and the child - don't know who the father is. Bastard lor.

Of course, the possibilities could be:

1. Daphne Iking sleeps around.
2. Darren is lying.

Either way, if one looks at it, Darren is no angel all right. Don't blame Ryan for suing his ass. But he is damn shit lucky Ryan just sued his ass, instead of going after his ass. Most guys would just beat the shit out of the other bastard. But Darren expects Ryan to get his phone number from Daphne and talk.

"Even if he didn’t have my number, he could have gotten it from his ex-wife."

I think this guy ah....really low IQ and EQ. What does he expect to talk. "Hello. Since you fucked my super model wife, can I fuck your wife? Oh... your wife not super model ah... how about your daughter... old enough? Have to wait some more is it.... so, how? You got a sister? Can laaa.... can swap swap la... but hor, can your sister also get pregnant for me?".

The other part of the story is this: Yo Rais! Yes. Yo Rais is usually dead busy and fast banning foreign artists for "bad influence". So now? Daphne Iking apa cerita? Ban her for being a bad influence? Bad example ler. But why not? She is still on TV. Is she "connected" to some media mogul? Mind boggling right?

And the poor girl Isobel? Wonder how her birth cert looks like. You see - when you are rich and powerful, don't know who the father is, can still get birth cert. The poor, cannot even go to school. I say - education should be all children. It's not important if they have a birth cert or not. Let them study first. Give them a future. But cannot. Want to make people suffer.

Yet another lesson is - girls also cheat la. Don't only blame the guy. Don't say married guys stray. Girls also stray mah. In this case, her emails stated she wanted someone else to make her pregnant. Shit - even the kinkiest porn movie doesn't have this stuff. Moral of the story - no need to watch porn. Just read our daily newspapers - you have Daphne, Anwar, Soi Lek... OK maah.

SS2 Massage

I think it was in SS2... but cannot be entirely sure. Let's say this place is Dave above OK. OK? The name is good enough on its business cards - Dave Service Centre. Smart. It sure provides service, but it is a special service for well, usually guys.

And my - this place sure has two very sexy, tall, pretty gals. Nice boobs. And yeah - very gfe too - touching and hugging every where. The massage was good. Sufficient pressure. I guess she enjoyed herself too... riding real hard. After our session, she hug me and chatted. It's a nice feel. No rush.

Will I return - perhaps... but there isn't a need to yet.

Ipoh Massage... more like a fuck shop.

It was a dark and stormy night. I was riding into Ipoh town, on a moonless Monday night. I was hungry and it wasn't only a hunger for food. I went to Jalan Yang Kalsom. Did see some action there before - ladyboys. But no one was to be seen. Maybe it was too early - I was there at about 8pm. Then again, it can be never too early for such pleasurable activities. I went to the bank to drop a cheque, and left.

Now that I am more focused on my other hunger - I went to look for some good food. Saw some ladies by the street while driving past KFC in town - but alas, nothing worth it. More over, I am unsure of the quality.

First stop - Lotte Hotel. Celaka. The hawker centre there is closed for good. Next stop, the fellow also closed. Drove past Sam Tet school - the hawker stalls were also closed. Went to a medan selera in Ipoh garden - celaka - my favourite stall was also closed. With not much luck - I decided to eat something, went home and showered. Bugger.

But I could not sleep. Was still looking for a place with massage and perhaps, something extra. started to read about blogs - and yeah - everyone said Jessica. Mind you, that's a name of the place. I have searched for the place many times - to no avail. It's easy enough - it's opposite the Store.

What the buggers didn't tell me is, it's not the Store in Ipoh town centre. It's The Store in Jalan Ipoh. Got out of my house and went to look for The Store in Jalan Kampar. Found it! It's Jessica Health Centre. Off I went...and found out - shit. It's a fuck shop, no massage. It's cheap enough. RM 90 but only for 30 mins. Straight fuck - shower, blowjob (BJ), handjob (HJ) and some gals fuck job (FJ). Not many girls around - perhaps they were busy working. It's very late anyway - so they could have knocked-off from work.

Here I am thinking - what the fuck. I never like to rush things - 30 mins - what can be done? Might as well masturbate at home. BTW - the place is really old. If one wonders how a old prostitution dent looks like - this would be it. I am guessing it is at least 30 years (the deco). Gosh.

So - next mission - get a fuck buddy in Ipoh. I thinka FUBU is heaps better :)

A doctor in the house - Memoirs of the forgetful

Well, the first task the doctor will have to do is, to remember he is a doctor. Hahaha. I was shocked to read that Dr. M has published his memoirs. Is this the same fellow who "Lupa Lupa Lupa" during the Royal Commission Inquiry about the "Looks like me, sounds like me" case?

If he so "Mudah Lupa", what would be in the memoirs? Pages after pages of "it has happened a long time ago, I forgot". Or is the memoir entirely fictional - just like this blog?

The mind boggles. Question to the doctor:

1. Is there a cure for selective amnesia?
2. Why not title the book "Mahathir Mudah Lupa", a sequel to Melayu Mudah Lupa?

Only in Boleh-land...

Solving stuff amicably: Part 1

Well, I read this article on The Star about the Allah issue and Bibles being detained at ports. In short - not easy to import a Bible. Mind you, the Bible cannot be printed in Malaysia. And the Minister (the say one who awards law breakers with extended discount periods for traffic summonses) - said - it will be resolved amicably.

That's when my imagination started to get wild. What's some people's definition of amicably? Is it, you will have to beg and bribe before you get something approved? Or they just keep you waiting for as long as they like? Or if they can make your life miserable, they will?

More than that, The Star also printed:
"I urge all parties not to listen to wild allegations and speculations. As always, the ministry will act based on the law," he said in a statement here on Sunday.

Oh my. The Law. Is it the same Law that said that all traffic offenders should be hauled to court when they fail to compound their summonses? Or is the Law being selectively applied? (a.k.a Anwar Ibrahim and Chua Soi Lek).

What they do not release is, such actions cause them to loose all respect.

Disclaimer: I did not vote for these bunch of clowns to govern the country.

Rewarding the law breakers

Wonder why crime is high in Malaysia? Wonder why people die on the roads? Well - that's because, we reward bad behaviour. And here it is : You break the law. You didn't bother with the summon. You get a discount. You ignore the discount period. And you get an extension on the discount period.

This is fucking up the country.

Read about it.

Even an ex-judge is biased

Well, an ex-judge said that the family of the late Teoh Beng Hock has shown "clear disrespect" for boy-cotting the Royal Inquiry. Here's the article.

Well, guess what? Lingam, Eusoff Chin and Dr. M - challenges the RCI. Fuyoh. And the article is here.

So, what has the learned ex-judge got to say about his ex-boss, the now TUN Eusoff Chin? Isn't that even more than disrespect? That would well be 'derhaka" (treason) for challenging His Royal Highness? Off with their heads? Or have they collected enough potraits of the King in the form of Ringgit Currency, so they have the right to, well - be disrespectful? Can Malaysia be fair?

But no. Bernama has decided to carry both stories. One that smears the name of Teoh's family. Why the double standard? Or is he just speaking from his asshole? Completely unbalanced, and unfair view.