Abusive Boyfriend

It breaks my heart every time I hear one of my friends getting abused by her boyfriend. It has happened to a number of my friends (with different boyfriends, of coz).

Case 1

This was actually my colleague. She showed up with bruises, or cuts here and there. At first, we didn't think too much about it. We did ask, and it was the usual "accidentally fell" or "bumped into something". It did occur strange to us as she wasn't clumsy in the office. 

Then, came one day. She was hospitalized. We thought it was a car accident or something serious. A few of the colleagues when to visit her in the hospital. They came back to the office crying. We asked, what happened? For a moment, I thought she died or something like that. No. She was badly hurt. And they found out, the boyfriend did it. How badly hurt? Got punched, black eye, broken bones here and there. Mind you, this gal was really petite - about 1.6 meters tall only. All I can say is, those who visited her really cried - and they told us, please do not visit her. It's really heart-breaking. For the record, I was a coward and dare not visit her.

No, she refused to break-up with the boyfriend. Her excuses ranged from:

• Been together for 5 years already
• Need his transport to work

We offered to pick her and send her to work. She had an option to stay with one of our female colleagues too, for free. But no, she stuck with the asshole. No police report. Nothing. The abuse continued.

The part that boggles my mind is, why not leave him? She could get someone miles better. If he was threatening her, it would not be a problem. The company worked very closely with law enforcement agencies. Our bosses were worried too. Help was not a problem. If so needed, we could get a couple of 'shady' officers and jump at the guy. We texted her often after office hours. Every time she was late for work, we got worried - "Is she OK?".

Alas, an opportunity came. The company transferred her to New Zealand for 6 months. She went there for a project with a few colleagues. 

At the end of the six months, she came back with a new boyfriend (one of the single guy colleagues on the same project). This guy is way better (looking, earns more, caring, loving). Now, happily married with kids.

Not everyone is so lucky to have good bosses, or the opportunity to break away from an abusive relationship.

Case 2

The gal got abused even in crowded places, like Sunway or the cinema. He would push her, pull her hair or punch her. She just resigned from her job, and was planning to move in with him. "For free rent" was her reason. Obviously she has her doubts, as she confided with me. 

Come on girls. For Free Rent? And you are willing to be abused? That's not even worth it. Many friends are willing to help her for nothing in return. So, her excused ranged is:

• Been with him for more than 3 years
• Free rent
• Will break-up later when she gets a new job
• He promise not to hurt her again; but he breaks more than his promises. 

This gal, from Ipoh is good looking, highly educated with a Master's Degree, age 25 only. What the heck not break-up? Surely she can get a better guy, any time. Again, it puzzles me. 

So, I asked - what if you move in, and end up pregnant? I mean, if it is pregnant with a guy you love, it's positive. But this asshole? Surely her life and body is worth more than free rent. Mind you, his place is just a terrace house by Old Klang road. Even if his place was a palace in Marseille, he still has no right to abuse anyone.

Sadly, this is still an on-going case. Despite all I could do, she moved in with him. My question: Anyone out there that has a better solution on how to help such friends? I tried all I could, to no avail in this case. Perhaps someone out there has good suggestions. Do let me know. It will be useful to all of us.

If you are abused and you need help, please call someone. Here's a good start:

Call the WAO helpline          : +6 03 7956 3488
You can also call Talian Nur  : 15999

Do NOT suffer in silence.It is not your fault. And yes, you will get someone better. Do not continue the relationship - he will abuse you again. Break it off first, get him to go for counseling, and when he completes counseling - you can get back together with him.