How to Keep Pussies Away

This is not the usual subject of my post, as I would prefer to attract pussies for some hot sex. Recently, some pussies have irked me. The bloody cats is. Cats somehow has the illusion that my garden is their toilet.

So, if you cannot beat them, join them. This was my friend's idea and I have validated it. It works. Animals mark their territory. So, all I needed was a bigger animal to piss in my garden. In the absence of a tiger, I collected my own piss and ... oh well, you know the rest of the story. No, I didn't piss directly onto my own lawn. That would have killed the grass and I might be in police custody by now. Not very smart.

I collected some piss, diluted it with 10 parts of water and watered my lawn with it. It makes fantastic fertilizer and yes, it kept the pussies away. I 'piss' on a weekly basis, unless it rains - then I would have to piss more often. By the way, piss does not smell when it is fresh. Urea is odorless. However, if left to decay (due to consumption by bacteria), urea will breakdown to ammonia. Ammonia stinks. So, use your piss while it is fresh. If it smells even when fresh - go seek medical attention!

A less gross method would be to feed a cat - which also means keep a cat. It better be a strong cat to keep the rest out of the garden.

Grow Grow Grow

Nope, not talking about my private part (that's good enough as it is, thank you very much), but rather the plants in my garden. For the past many years, the poor plants are either half dead or dead. Did lots of homework and research - found out that trace minerals were missing. The usual NPK fertilizer helped a bit, but not for long. Organic matter helped, but the plants looked weak.

So, after all my research, I settled for "ACE All Plant Food". Got it from Ace Hardware Summit, Taipan, RM 41.90 for 2.2kg. It has trace minerals like Boron, Zinc, copper and many more. Only two missing - magnesium and calcium. Tried mild dosages on a few selected plant as I didn't want to murder what was left of my garden. Nothing died. Increased dosage.

And the conclusion - it works. I am now using about 1 teaspoon (it has one included in the box) per watering can (which I estimated it to be about 5L of water). Once a week, every Saturday morning. The plants are growing well. Healthy. Started it on the trees outside my house - they haven't grown much for the last 15 years. Reminds of the film "pokok" by Nik Aziz as part of 15Malaysia by P1.

Nett nett - it works. To add calcium, just use egg shells - that's free and Epsom salt from Caring Pharmacy (RM 6, I think, per box) for magnesium. Oh - not too much, quarter of a teaspoon per 5L will do.

The downside is, it can cause water polution if the fertilizer is leached / washed away. In other words - use smartly (just like your private parts - it can be lots of fun if used sparingly and wisely). Hahaha.