Financial Jokes

Got these from the internet. Very funny, given the current finanial situation.

One of these days, I'm going to borrow enough money to get completely out of debt

I've determined that this financial downturn is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my assets but I still have my wife.

The stock market may be terrible, but I slept like a baby last night. I woke up every couple of hours and cried.

Q: What's the definition of optimism?
A: An investment banker who irons five shirts on a Sunday evening.

An investment banker said he was going to concentrate on the big issues from now on. He sold me one in the street yesterday.

A man went to his bank manager and said: ‘I'd like to start a small business. How do I go about it?' ‘Simple,' said the bank manager. ‘Buy a big one and wait.'

The credit crunch is getting bad, isn't it? I mean, I let my brother borrow a tenner a couple of weeks back, it turns out I'm now Britain's fourth biggest lender.

Q: What is the difference between an investment banker and a pigeon?
A: A pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW.

Q: What is the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza?
A; The pizza can still feed a family of four.

Q: What does a hedge fund manager with no fund to manage say?
A: Would you like fries with that sir?

Q: What is the capital of Iceland?
A: About $3.50

I tried to get cash from the ATM today but it said “insufficient funds.” I don't know if that meant them or me.

Mark Twain was ahead of the curve: “October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.”