Better to read GutterUncensored

The quality of reports by The Star, a Make Chinese Angry newspapers is worse than gutter news. The entire newspaper is becoming a big puzzle to me.

Firstly, let's look at this article:

http://thestar.com.my/news/story-superlite.asp?file=/2011/9/28/nation/20110928082918&sec=nation

"SUBANG JAYA: Four people were injured while more than 300 people rescued and evacuated when an explosion occurred inside an eatery at the Empire Subang here early Wednesday."

Hmmm. At 3AM, more than 300 people rescued? What? They were having an orgy in Empire Shopping centre when the explosion happened? What the heck? Why so serious? The mind boggles. If 300 were evacuated, I would half believe. 300 rescued? That bad? Another Petknode case for human beings?

It is sad that The Star has to stoop so low just to make the headlines. No bloody wonder people prefer the alternative media. Why do I read it? Just to see what sort of shit they decide to report for the day.

Unfortunately, a couple was hurt in the explosion. Apparently (http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/malaysia/article/explosion-rips-through-empire-gallery-four-hurt/), they had dinner and then 'were talking' inside the car till 3.40am. Hmmm. That's at least 5 hours after dinner. A long chat indeed, if you know what I mean. But I sure hope they are OK and it was worth the bang, no pun intended.

In the print edition, Page 18 of the Star carries an equally puzzling report. http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2011/9/28/nation/9590281&sec=nation

“Upon seeing the gun, the robbers scattered. He fired three shots at them while they tried to flee on their motorcycles,” said SAC Ku. He said the robber was hit in the chest and collapsed. His accomplices left him and fled."

So, the report says that the robbers ran away (scattered) when they saw the gun. Then, the bugger was hit in the chest and died. How the fuck do you shoot someone in the chest when the bugger is running away? Or did he hit a lamp post while running away and died? Or a car hit him?

And then again, why the fuck is the police officer shooting robbers that were fleeing on the motorbikes? With no sympathies to the robbers, that's still wrong. 

Can you imagine the quality of the news they are dishing out to us? I mean, do they think we are dumb? And Rais is busy saying "Undilah" video doesn't have MCMC approval. How the fuck can MCMC approve the garbage that The Star publishes? Or is it a policy to keep the rakyat stupid while they rob us blind?

Next - (no fault of the Star this time around), the MACC officers - four of them, were caught robbing money changers in KLIA. http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2011/9/28/nation/9588193&sec=nation

Guess what?

They now said say "PETALING JAYA: The Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission said the actions of three MACC officers involved in the robbery of a money-changer at the KL International Airport recently was “serious”."

So serious, that they were transferred to desk job? So, if I work in a hotel as a bell boy, and I go rape guests, can I get transferred to a desktop only? Hehehe. This is just like the case of "she was not charged because she returned the RM 5million she stole 3 years ago". And people wonder why the Ringgit in crashing and the stock market is down the gutters while Indonesia and Vietnam is doing well.

I really think we are better reading GutterUncensored. At least there are some sexy pictures there to look at and obviously the blog is published with some care.

New Boobs Policy

I was stuck in traffic today and I got this wild idea. Many have complained about the NEP and that other races have been sidelined. So, I have this fantastic "idea" suitable only for Bolehland.

Spoof News: New Boobs Policy

Background
This policy is the mirror of NEP. NEP is to help less fortunate Malays and to ensure that they get a "levelled playing field."

To ensure that the other races benefit from similar policies, we now have the New Boobs Policy (NBP). Based on University Kangkung's research, it is said that Bolehland's Chinese women generally have smaller breast; especially when compared to her Malay counterparts. These smaller boobs have caused certain disadvantages, including but not limited to:

1. Direct loss of economic opportunities (for "commercial vehicles"); as some customers prefer bigger boobs.
2. Indirect loss of income (hamsap bosses giving promotions to ladies with bigger boobs / reduced opportunities during interviews)
3. Losing hubbies to China dolls with bigger boobs

Objective
The objective of NBP is clear. It is to give the less endowed (read "small boobs") a chance to access a more levelled playing field (actually, it is a more curvy 'playing field').

Policy
The following NBP will now be enforced

1. All taxes and duties for bras for cup size A and B shall be abolished.
2. GST shall be exempted for bars less than 300cc - that's cup A and B.
3. All bras for cup sizes A and B shall have mandatory "push-up" features.
4. For bras between 300cc to 400cc (C and D) - an excise duty of 50% shall be imposed.
5. For bras exceeding 500cc (E or bigger), an excise duty of 100% shall be imposed.
6. Langkawi and Federal Territory of Labuan shall continue to sell duty-free bras, regardless of size. However, duty free bras may only be taken out of these areas without tax if the visitors stay for more than 3 nights and there is a limit to two bras per person. Female above the age of 18 only.
7. All bras exceeding 300cc must be manufactured by selected companies. These companies shall be selected on a close tender basis due to national security reasons.
8. Imports of bras exceeding 300 cc must have MITI approved permit (AP)
9. Bras assembled locally (CKD) will have a lower tax rate.
10. Eco-friendly bras, such as those made from cabbage / lettuce / whip-cream will be tax exempt for current financial year. 
11. Cost of purchase of bra sizes A and B shall enjoy tax rebates, as long as the original receipts can be produced to LHDN.
12. Subsidy of RM 280 per cc shall be provided for cosmetic surgery for individuals with natural breast size not exceeding 100cc.
13. Subsidy of RM 180 per cc shall be provided for cosmetic surgery for individuals with natural boobs size not exceeding 200cc.
14. Typical of government policy, there is no warranty on outcome of surgery.
15. Service tax (20%) shall be levied on all cosmetic surgery for women born with boobs bigger than a C cup.
16. Lifetime rebate will be provided for purchase of bras for those who take up cosmetic surgery for boobs enhancement.
17. Policy is available for females only.
18. Bra cup information will be included in the MyKad under the application of "MyBra".

Boobs-a-kom
In order to determine the classification of boobs size for the purpose of NBP, a new 30 year concession will be given to Boobs-a-kom (not to be confused with PUSPAKOM). Boobs-a-kom shall:

1. Provide boobs examination and classification.
2. For "commercial vehicles", an annual inspection is required to ensure that boobs have not suffered fatigue from wear-and-tear as well as the effects of gravity.
3. Licenses for "Commercial vehicles" older than the age of 35 will not be renewed.
4. Long queues are expected. Please be patient.
5. "Vehicle" owners are reminded to clean their "vehicles" prior to inspection.

 Now, I hereby submit my application for a position in Boobs-a-kom. Of course, with NEP in place, I will not be applying for the DG of Boobs-a-kom. I would just be happy as a Head of Department for "New Vehicle Registration" section. Hehehehe.

I sure as hell hope the gov will not get ideas from my spoof news.

PS: I have way too much time on my hands. Hahaha.

Who is Jibby Afraid Of?

Just read this article that Jibby is not afraid of Anwar.

http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/malaysia/article/najib-im-not-afraid-of-anwar/

I can imagine. He has other stuff to be worried about:

1. French investigation of our submarines
2. His very own Deputy
3. Kak Mah
4. Victims of C4

Well, you get the idea. I suppose Anwar is the least of his problems...hehehe.

Marketing Problem

The biggest problem with MCA or BN - marketing. See - the above is Wee Ka Siong's blog. The entire blog is in .... Mandarin. Guess what, this banana-man over here (no reference to my penis), cannot understand nor read Chinese (and that includes my penis).

Think about it - how many with internet access, IT savvy that can read Chinese? And now, compare it to - how many that can read English. Then, compare it to Bahasa Malaysia. No wonder they are losing all the urban votes. Take a cue from McD or Coke. What language do is the menu in?

Sure - some say, it is for a targeted audience of Chinese only. Given that we are becoming more Malaysian than ever, is this still a smart move?

Guess somethings are destined to join the dodos.

License to Steal

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Why are we paying this bozo's salary?

Really? Why are we paying for his salary? What a bozo.
Just two days ago, the bozo denied speculation that the government plans to abolish ISA.
http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/malaysia/article/home-minister-no-talk-about-abolishing-isa/

And now, chief bozo announces: ISA to be abolished.

http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2011/9/15/nation/20110915205714&sec=nation

Unless the bozo thinks the chief bozo is only all talk and no action (NATO - no action talk only).

Can the government blame the rakyat of Bolehland of not wanting to pay taxes? Hmmm. Frankly, I rather just do some charity work.

Chief Racist

It really saddens and angers me when people make very racist statements. In this case, a chap (sometimes nicknamed "Mamak-kutty") is making more racist remarks.

Let me quote " I hope the Budget will strike a balance between the treatment of the Malays and non-Malays" Shit. What the fuck? He cannot even bring himself to say "I hope the budget will strike a balance for all Malaysians"?

He would still rather say "Malays and non-Malays" instead of Malaysians. What a racist. You mean, besides Malays and non-Malays, there is the "third kind" (aliens?) in this country? A typical mamak-kutty whom is a disgrace to his Bangla roots.

Hamsap at Uptown Damansara

This incident happened a number of months back. I didn't have the time to blog it. One day, my OKT friend Ah Chai called me. I was busy, so I did not answer at first. Usually, he would leave it at that and not call me again. But this time, he called back every 15 minutes or so. Eventually, I answered. He said "You free now? Must come over. I am looking after this place in Uptown and there is a very beautiful chick. She is out to "curi makan". 

I was very busy. So, I told him - sorry. Kind of busy. He asked if I was free at night. I gave the non-committal "see how, see first" response. I dismissed it as one of his marketing calls - trying to tell me that he has some new girls and to try them out. 

The next day, he called me again. He went to say that "Please make some time. The gal is out to "curi makan". Very nice body. And such a chance won't come by again." I said, see how again. I though to myself, his business must be real bad. 

In any case, he manage to convince me to show up at his new location in Damansara Uptown. Mind you, this location is new to him, but it is not a new place. I really didn't want to go to Uptown - the place is jammed. No place to even double park. Since I know I won't "Finish" in 5 minutes, it is really not an option for me to double park.

It was raining when I got there. Manage to find the shop (on top of Dragon & Phoenix Food Court). Guess what? There was a parking just a few meters away. My lucky day, after all. Before I knew it, the car in front of me took the spot. Oh well, such is life. Traffic was bad. And I manage to see this sexy and beautiful lady getting out of the car. Better look out for another spot. Fortunately, I found one nearby.

Walked quickly to this place. Ah Chai was there...and so was the lady who just parked. Wow. Good thing I didn't scold her. She's tall, slim, with a nice set of boobs and yeah - she's from Indonesia. I guess she must be studying at a private college, aged about 22 - but no more than that. 

Ah Chai then told me - she's actually some one's girlfriend. (more like mistress). Which explains the car. They met in a nightclub two days ago, and she told Ah Chai she wanted a good fuck. She is not here for the money, but for a good time. Oh. Now I understand what he means by "Curi Makan". I though 'curi cari makan'. My mistake... but at least it was not too late.

As for the place, it clearly an abandoned massage place, possibly with extras. Ah Chai was there supervising the clean-up works plus renovations. He prepared a place for us to have fun. 

Once inside the room, we were like lovers. Kissed and hugged. When she removed her bra, he boobs stayed exactly where they were, plus they remained the same size. That's my definition of a solid pair of natural knockers. Without getting into too much details, it was a very playful and sensual session with lots of licking, sucking and rocking action accompanied by an explicit soundtrack - mind you, we had it going for 90 minutes. Tried and did almost everything. She's real hot and naughty. Clean too, might I add. Good thing I didn't have to worry about parking.

At the end of it, we were both very satisfied, tired and happy. Thanked Ah Chai and left. No, I didn't have to pay for it. However, I was wondering if I inadvertently ended up being a gigolo. How was I to tell if Ah Chai didn't ask for money from her? Well, at least she didn't tip me. Hahaha. But I wouldn't have minded such a good 'customer' anyway. And don't ask me how come this Ah Chai guy recommended me to her. Maybe he got my 'reviews' from his other gals in the past.

Did I get her phone number? No. Why? I analyzed the situation. She was out to curi makan (cheat). I didn't know who the other guy is/was. And lets just say - C4 are readily available for the Malaysian police to blow people up. NFA.

How to Get a Fuck Buddy

I cannot even remember if I posted this or not. But I keep getting request "can you give me the gal's number. I am looking for sex."

Plenty of guys and girls are looking for sex. So? And why should I give out my friend's number to a stranger online? If you are a guy, how do you like it if I give your number to some old auntie with a few teeth missing or a 100kg-gay-guy? Or worse still... some tele-marketer creep? Which reminds me, the worst has to be a guy (plus a cute Malay girl) from a local fitness centre. They would call and call and call. If only I have a way to feed them with my enemy's phone numbers.

How to get a girl is simple or fuck-buddies, is simple

1. First - be their good friend. This takes time and one must be sincere.
2. Second, if you have the opportunity to go out for dinner (even in groups), ask the girl that you think is horny or is open minded, if she wants to drop by your place.
3. In short, you have to be brave and open about it. If you are shy - forget it (unless item 4 to 6 applies)
4. Helps a lot if you are handsome
5. Helps even more if you have a nice car (Camry, BMW - you get the idea).
6. Have your own place. Most gals hate budget hotels as people might think they are prostitutes.
7. When you have your own place, keep it clean and tidy. It should be a love nest instead of a pigsty. 
8. If you don't have your own place, work harder and get one. After all, it is a good investment.

But the most important to convert from a one-night-stand to a long term fuck-buddy:

1. Make damn sure she has lots of fun in bed.
2. Make her cum as many times as possible.
3. Care about her needs in bed.
4. Don't be selfish, or ask her to do things she is not comfortable with. Which is why I prefer to find out their bedroom preference first during dinner, or chatting with her.

If you just get a phone number, imagine this - why you? Any hot blooded guy (and some lesbian / bi gals) would want to bed her? So, why you? This question applies to interviews, job promotions, etc. Why me? Why you? Do you have strength and endurance? Strength - able to hang a wet towel on your man-hood. Endurance - keep the towel in place till it is dry.

The most common reason I hear is, the guy cannot satisfy the gal (for gals with bf or husbands already). This is not just related to size - but attitude. Some just strip and fuck them for 5 mins. No foreplay, didn't excite her. Ask for BJ with CIM, but won't even kiss and suck her nipples, let alone lick her till she cums. So, what can one expect? Every one wants to have fun. For guys, how do we like it if a gal is just like a limp fish in bed (to a gal, this is the guy that fucks like a bunny and nothing else).

Whatever we do, do not lie. The worst is to say "I love You" just to jump into bed with a gal. Frankly, that is plain evil. Better to just find some paid-fun outside. Also - it can be very sticky (no pun intended) - girl might get pregnant, or clings to you (and this is when I say - that bugger deserves it...who ask him /her to lie?).

I don't say I am a good lover or great in bed. So far, I have sufficient fuck buddies (who ever has enough??) and good feedback.

Idiot Olympics on in Malaysia?

I didn't know that the Biggest Idiot Contest in on in Malaysia. There appears to be no shortage of idiots trying to out-do each other, usually at the level of the Federal Government. To say the least, the competition is stiff. My nominations would be:

The Best Idiot Award (70%) has to go to...the current "Hell Mini-ster". Why?

I read that they wanted to control the sale of acid in light of the current acid-attacks. (http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2011/8/23/nation/9350801&sec=nation)

So, how is this going to happen? Does that mean that we can buy cars now but without the car battery? Or when we sell cars and we have to remove the batteries and keep in under our beds? Unfortunately, acid is extremely common in our daily products. Even lime juice (when concentrated a bit) can be corrosive. In short, it is damn difficult, if not impossible, to control the sale of acid. 

The Hell Mini-ster should have taken a hint from Hong Kong. If they didn't ban acid or control the sale of acid during their episode of acid attacks, how come he thinks we can? 

What should have been done is:

• Firstly, do NOT publish the attacks. Think about it. So what if you publish the attacks? There is no one the victims to prevent it. But it gives the sicko encouragement to carry out more attacks. 
• If you must publish the attacks, please tell people what they can do. Do not walk alone is about as stupid as it gets. So, how? You mean, we never walk alone? Avoid lonely places? So, walk in groups and get molested? Or raped? In short - there is only so much we can do and in this case, there is nothing much to do.
• The best 'cure' would be to tell the public to carry some fresh water as well as soda bicarbonate (found in baking sections, for about RM 1.50 per small plastic can). This will help neutralize acid, but it is not a good cure either. Again, if one is attacked, a friend or assistance would be required to rinse and pour soda bicarbonate on the acid splashed areas. This can be too late, but better than zero first aid.
• On Kosmo, it was published that they want to control the sale of acid. In a few pages, they reported the homeless in KL, and sadly was still homeless in KL during Hari Raya. This is the solution. A solution to crime. Imagine - the homeless is usually at the same spots for 24 hours, every day. They see a lot. Hear a lot and definitely knows the routine of the area, and who are the 'outsiders'. So, why not recruit them to be police informants? They only need to tell the police what they see or hear. That's it. Simple. In return, they get food, a place to stay and of course, a salary. They should be given free medical including glasses - just to be damn sure they can see and hear clearly. This is a win-win situation. The 'homeless' keeps a look out for the police / authorities, and they actually get employment. 

Alas, it really doesn't look like the government is competent enough to solve problems. It is more like a competition to see who is the biggest moron.

Another reason why the Hell Mini-ster should be nominated for 70% of this award is the Tear-Gas-a-Hospital Incident. All sorts of lies have been told, promises broken. Yet, no apologies. And more treats of saying MCA will stay out of government if they fail to perform. They should go ahead to even disband MCA should they fail to perform. Don't just stay out of the government and make noise behind the scene or end up being back-door Senators.

In line with our NEP policy, 30% of the Best Idiot Award goes to......Home Mini-ster (aka GAB promoter). Now we have tonnes of "legal" foreign workers and heaven knows how they ended up here - over 2 million of them. Funnily, I didn't come across that many sexy Indon gals. :) They are definitely bringing in the wrong 'talent'.

Gay Massage in Ipoh

Well, in Ipoh a couple of months back, and there I was - itching for a massage by men. After all, I have tried a lot of massages by ladies, so - why not something different.
Did some online search....and yeah - why not a "gay" massage - that is, massage by men.
To cut a long story short, I found this place opposite Regal Lodge. It's suppose to be a gay massage centre. It's just like any massage place, in terms of pricing and set-up. But the massage routine was significantly different. The moves are more rapid and more "power". Yes, they do offer extras including B2B massage.
All in all, I would say - I still prefer a sexy lady doing a massage for me, but it is a good experience that I would say - must at least try once la.