Massage in Kemuning

It's bloody not easy to find a good massage in Kemuning or Shah Alam. Tired. Dead tired. Had a quick bite. It was already 10pm. Yes, it had been a long day - out of bed before 6am and there isn't anything sexy to it.

So, after a quick bite - I noticed, a new massage place. Hint on location: It's in Kota Kemuning. It's near a Subway (The sandwich place, not the New York Metro system), a Vietnamese food, a bakery and a tyre shop.

I walked in. First thing: The price. It was bloody expensive. I cannot remember if it is RM 70 or RM 80 per hour. That's very expensive for a massage. Since there were couples (husband and wife) having their massage, it would mean that this place is for massage only.

Anyway, I decided to try it for an hour. The masseur, came in. Rather polite, and all - BUT - she has almost zero experience. Important note: this is a new place. It's easy to tell if she is new. After a few minutes of massage, she starts to pant. Compare to Xiao Hong - she could give a hard massage and she will still be chatting, with no sign of fatigue. (Xiao Hong did tell me... on good, or some say bad, days, she has to work for a total of 10 hours or more. With breaks of course, but still - it's kind of physical).

Back to this story. The masseur was getting tired. The massage was painful (what I call thumbs of death), using only her thumbs to apply sharp pressure. When I told her it hurts, she tries to massage more gentle, but alas, her strength setting is either hard, or hard. She doesn't know how to control it.

Not bad enough, some massuers outside are free, and starts talking loudly to each other. It's fine if the patrons talk - nothing much we could do about that. But for goodsake - please shut up or talk outside if you happen to be a staff. The cashier/OKT joined in the conversation. I had zero interest in it, and it's not what I wanted to hear at the end of my day. If I wanted to hear some talk, I would listen to my clients as they have to bloody pay me to listen.

If you think that's as bad as it gets - you are dead wrong. The cashier / OKT starts smoking. For proper massage places (and even some hanky panky ones), it's very likely a smoke free environment. Imagine - you lying there, someone torturing your back with her thumbs, two clowns yapping away and now, they try to smoke you out.

I mean, if it is a family place or proper massage place - why turn it into a third rate pub. Imagine - if the wife or husband goes for a massage, then goes home...

"Honey, where did you go?"
"Massage"
"Bullshit.... you smell like an ashtray. So tell me....who's the bitch? / Are you working as a freelance GRO?*"


*potong yang tidak berkenaan

In summary, it would have been cheaper and more pleasurable to get my dog to walk on me.
And no, there was no happy ending, no happy starting and not happy at all.

Online booking of Gals - on Facebook :)

Well, to all the hamsap fellows who has been looking for gals, and more gals, here's the page for you. Quick - grab it - before the page is removed.

Just look at all the sexy gals.

And even more on offer.

Isn't she cute?

And now: How to place your order. Errrr......

You see, if one uses his head to think (instead of his d***head to think), you would have realized - it's a scam. Why the heck would they ask for IC number, where you stay plus a picture of you? The only thing that matters is - money. Instead, there is no talk of pricing.

Just ask for personal details. I am sure one will get effed - not in a sexy way. It would be blackmail. And who the heck would dare comment on these pages using their real profile? Wife find out how? GF find out - how?

Take care - don't get scammed.

Sabo?

So, tell me. Which of this is true:

• Someone likes it kinky.
• Someone is afraid BN would actually lose the elections.

Why on earth would they handcuff and cute, petite young gal and parade it to the press? Hmmm. Who would gain the most, if Jibby lost? Or is this aimed at the Home Minister? Or someone else wants to be promoted to the post of IGP? The mind boggles.

And the police says it is SOP. Bullshit. Since when is it SOP to handcuff someone in front? It's bloody dangerous to do it this way. The SOP way is to handcuff a person with the hands at the back.

If they want something real kinky, please keep it inside the bedroom. Justices says it is more or less OK, as long as she consents although underage. The police goes to handcuff a sweet young thing. I guess different people have different ideas on what excites them. Handcuff - one could argue it is SOP. But please la - don't parade it to the press.  

To me - you know what's the most dangerous part of the gal? Her cute innocent looks. To prevent her from using her cute looks to melt someone's heart - they should have put a paper bag over her head instead of handcuffing her.

Some jokes...

Nowadays, I suppose kids are more educated that we are.

 
Anyone wants to offer me a "All you can eat". Not a bad idea. It's fun. Zero calories, and might actually lead to a good workout.

How not to eat a pussy. I am unsure if the poor pussy enjoys being licked this way either.

Creative. 

To my dear visitors

Dedicated to all my readers, whom are sitting in the office, refusing to start work; or awaiting to run-off at the end of the work day.

And this video (safe for workplace or public places)

Take care, and have a good day.

Cowboy nation?

Tell me if this is true. Malaysians are far from law abiding when it comes to traffic rules. Take me for example. I don't bother to drive at 110kmph. Chances are, it's closer to 125kmph.

Just two days ago, I was in a super crowded area in Sunway. There wasn't parking. I found an 'illegal' car park. I parked. I got out. As I was walking away, I noticed - other fellow "illegal parkers" have summons. My initial thought - just take their summons and put it on my windscreen. But alas, I did not do that - did not want the other poor bugger to be summoned twice. Hahaha. But please, don't let me put ideas in your head.

This brings me to the question. Why the heck isn't anyone obeying traffic rules? Why do we speed? Park everywhere and anywhere?

But the bigger question is this: WHY do we get ANGRY when we are caught? I mean, if I speed, I should bloody well accept the fine. Why is everyone against "saman ekor"?

I have given serious thought to this - and I came to one conclusion. Fear and Favour. The law must be enforced without fear nor favour. But alas, could it be done in Malaysia? We know the answer.

This is why we get very angry:

1. That guy can use tax money, buy condos for cows - and I want to drive fast, I kena saman.
2. That Dato's car has more tint than an illegal casino - no one says a word. My third brake light not working, the police is having a chat with me. 
3. How come he can rape a 12 year old? I mean, I am also rushing for my bright future meeting. So, what's wrong with driving on the emergency lane?
4. CSL's oral sex on tape, OK? How come you want to tell me I cannot "masuk"/enter just because it's no entry?
5. Jibby says, I help you, you help me. So, why you just summon me? Never give me a chance to help you?

This is exactly why we do not obey the law, we are pissed off when we are caught. I would love to see some brave officers decorated for upholding the law without fear nor favour. 

Happy Merdeka Day, Malaya

Time flies, it's now 55 years of Independence for Malaya. There are lots of could haves and should haves. But alas, we cannot change history.

We can only look forward to a better Malaysia. Personally, I am sad. Sad to see how history has been twisted. How we have been lied to, when we (perhaps not all of us) were students.

31 August 1957 is Independence day for Malaya. Malaysia was formed 6 years later. Wouldn't it be good if we stopped the lies, and face the truth like a matured nation? Oh well...

Unnatural acts

There are a good number of acts, deemed unnatural or against the act of nature, and is thus banned. So, I rant on. Perhaps we should ban the following too.

1. Calculators. That's not natural. Everyone should do arithmetic using their heads only...or fingers and toes.
2. Glasses. If god wanted you to be blind of have poor eye-sight - don't correct your eyesight. Be blind.
3. Cars and all modes of transportation. We should walk, and only walk.
4. Haircuts. It's not natural to have haircuts. We should all go for the cavemen look. (some are already achieving it). Imagine kids saying "Teacher, I cannot cut my hair. It's against the act of nature. I am not tying it up either, or washing it - unless it rains".
5. Medical science and medicine - unless it is traditional medicine. This will ensure nature does it part and only the fittest survive.
6. Condoms - that's not natural too.
7. All cosmetics. That could be the most deceiving invention of the human race. The most deceiving would be plastic surgery.
8. Electricity - that's completely unnatural. The only electricity allowed is lightning from the sky.
9. All processed food, including fast food. That's so unnatural.
10. Massive earth works - levelling hills, sea reclamation. dams (Bakun included...).

And the following then, should be allowed, since it is very natural:

1. Random sex. It's about the survival of the fittest. This includes getting the best genes - for ladies. For guys, it's about increasing the chances of the survival of your genes - by putting eggs in many baskets. (No pun intended). 
2. Theft. In nature, there is no such thing as "it belongs to me". There is no ownership. So, technically, I could 
3. Going naked. What more can I say? It's god's gift - so, let's flaunt it. OK, not all gifts are equal... but let's still flaunt it. (Ewwwww).
4. Sleeping on the job. When I am tired, I sleep. Taking coffee to stay awake is unnatural (unless you can prove coffee is native to your workplace area).
5. Rude behaviours - farting, coughing, and scratching where-ever and when-ever it itches.

However, it must be noted that the CSL oral sex case, when filmed, is OK. 

Rapes allowed?

It is very disheartening to read about rapes of minor, and the court seems to be 'OK' with it. To me, that's just sick. Hudud should be applied... to all rapist (regardless of religion). Potong jer. I support this idea. Throwing them in jail seems to be a waste of space and tax-payer's money.

How could a 12 year old consent to sex? She cannot even start a savings account (which is a good thing) without her parents. However, it's OK to consent to sex. 

What else is wrong? Juveniles have been banished for stealing motorbikes. How much is a motorbike? RM 2000? RM 3000? So, does this mean our courts value a female for way less than RM 3000? Consider this - if a juvvy steals a bike - he can be jailed, or detained at His Majesty's pleasure, or sent to reform school. We now have adults (both older than 18), raping underage girls - and almost get away with it. Try stealing an apple. Sure kena jail. So, in the eyes of the court, I guess our young gals are worth less than apples. Sigh.

More over, there seems to be a huge uproar when anal sex is concerned. Even  if it is between two consenting adults. Mind you, even oral sex is illegal between consenting adults. They say, it is NOT natural. I don't know. Maybe they got a manual on how to use their bodies. I guess the manual must state " Only put Dick into Vagina". Strangely, the manual seems to leave out the "Use Brains" section.

And speaking of unnatural - isn't kissing unnatural too? Mouths are for eating. Not kissing. Or did the manual leave that out too? More on that in my next post...

Back to subject matter - the rot started a long time ago. It started with the judiciary reporting to the executive. There goes the check and balance. Then, there was this "Correct Correct Correct" guy brokering the engagement of the chief justice, no less. Then, the CJ says.... keeping stolen land is legal (Adorna Properties Sdn Bhd v Boonsom Boonyanit 2000 ("Adorna Properties")). And now, even young girls are not safe. 

It is time we stop the rot. Please register to vote before we are all buggered. Imagine the argument. Since the majority voted to allow the rakyat to be buggered, please drop your pants and bend over....

How True

Motivation

We all need some motivation from time to time. Have fun.

A wish come true :)

The new Evidence Act is sure a wish come true.

http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2012/6/14/nation/11474506&sec=nation

Now, it is up to the owners of blogs, websites and internet account to prove that they did not do it. That is, if someone logs onto your WIFI, uses it to defame Najib, it is your burden to proof you didn't write those comments. In the legal world, the burden of proof usually lies with the prosecutor. How, given this is Bolehland, and how that guy performed during his questioning of Dr. Porntip, it is no wonder they have to tilt the legal system to their favour.

The government states that the new law (or rather new amendments) will protect the victims. This is when I start to laugh out loud. I suspect these 'clowns' have forgotten their school days - or they went to very very boring schools.

But all is not lost. This is really the wish come true. Now now...imagine this (WARNING: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME OR AT YOUR WORKPLACE). If you must try it, you just need to learn how to change / clone your MAC address. The only way they (the account holder, the WIFI owner) can get you is by logging your MAC address.

1. Boss didn't give me a pay raise. Now, I will use his internet account at work, and write a sordid affair of some VVIPS and his driver & maids. Just sit back, and see my boss suffer, questioned by the police and even get thrown in jail. How on earth could he prove he didn't do it, I could not tell. All I have to do is, wait for him to be in the office, and publish the sordid sex stories that would even make Datuk Trio blush.
2. That supplier refused to pay you on time, or squeezed you hard on prices. OK la. Just wait for the next meeting you have at his premises. Most of the time, we can get internet access. Then, just use his internet line to flame and roast some politicians.
3. Your co-worker is a bitch. And your boss didn't give you a pay rise. What do you do? Start a few email accounts, pretend to be the bitch using the new email accounts, and write the most malicious stories you could ever think off. This is a double victory. You get to screw the bitch and your boss at the same go.
4. You have a food stall. You need to kill your competitor. Easy. Just go to his place, pretend to be a customer, and use his free WIFI for customers. Sit back, and wait for the legal system to strangle him. 

As you can see, this new law is open for abuse. It's just abuse in another form. Instead of anonymous forums, they can use other's WIFI / LAN and do the damage. Out of the pan, into the fire. That's exactly what it is.

As I have always said...the more the government tries to "protect" us, the worse it becomes. Got to go know. Have to collect some payment from my clients. I sure hope they pay up in full.

"Prostitute" on Facebook

Here's one good reason why not to put too many pics on Facebook. It's a dangerous place...

http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2012/6/22/nation/11526531&sec=nation

So, this poor gal complains that her photos and phone numbers are being published wantonly, resulting her in getting many job offers for sexual services.

The question is this. Surely we already know that pictures and phone numbers can easily be abused. So, what makes someone put tonnes of their sexy pictures, pictures of kids and other personal details is completely beyond my reasoning. 

What do they get out of it? Nothing. But they stand to suffer. I know there is a freedom of speech. You can bloody well put anything you like. But please don't cry when you have to sacrifice for freedom. Freedom, as free as it sounds, does not come for free.

So, unless there is an upside, I am sticking to being faceless. I have no idea what sort of sadistic morons are out there, awaiting for the chance to make someone else's life as miserable as their own.

Lesbian, Gays, Bi and Trans

Oh my goodness. The BN government has been right all along. LGBT culture is spreading fast. And now, I realise why. It's because of damn computers. People upload all sorts of things, till the point we change our sexual orientation.

What's more alarming, the Father of Computer Science, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alan_Turing, Alan Turing, is a gay! Or could be a bisexual. So, computers were designed to turn the human race into LGBTs.

With this new information, the government should start banning all computers, software and other computer science related items.

This Hamsap blog however, will be exempted. Heck, I would even ask for a RM 250 million research loan. Which I am sure it will be approved. Why? With all the hamsap post, I am doing my part to keep men straight. OK? It's a war on LGBT, and I have done my part by reporting all the good stuff of being a straight guy. The hamsap B2B massages, the BJs, the very happy endings.

What more, with the loan, I will buy some cowherds for pretty gals to stay and work as GROs, massage ladies. Sorry - I wanted to get the condos, but apparently that's been reserved for cows.

So, what are you waiting for? It's time to do your part!

MAS: More bailouts?

This article is wrong at so many levels:

http://www.nst.com.my/latest/mas-now-focusing-on-aircraft-replacement-plan-1.96052

Firstly, the PM is commenting on MAS is focusing on aircraft replacement. The PM is not the majority shareholder of MAS, neither is he the Chairman of MAS. Unless he was appointed the spokemen for MAS last night, what business has he to comment on MAS? Has the PM nothing else better to do? And why MAS only? Will he be lobbying for Proton, Felda, KTM, Pos Malaysia and the whole host of GLCs?

Next: Why on earth is MAS focusing on aircraft replacement? I really think they should replace the entire board. It must be replaced by a board of directors who has the balls to stand up to the government and say - don't interfere. Plus, a board that will do it without relying on bailouts.

Why am I commenting? Because, with all the bailouts, the rakyat would own most of MAS, especially the pensioners.

Urgent Message to Tun Hanif Omar

Dear Tun,

I regret the need to trouble you long after your retirement from the police force. Sometime back, you commented that communist elements were present in the latest Bersih 3.0 protest. By the looks of things, you are spot on. The communist are back.

The reason for me writing to you is, was extremely alarmed that two communist agents would be allowed to be in Malaysia. 

http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2012/6/14/nation/11471847&sec=nation

This time, they got smarter. Instead of wearing yellow, waving Malaysian flags, they are showing up in full panda suit. It is said that they smell like a panda, looks like a panda, behaves like a panda.... but they are really commies. 

Commies showing up at cute pandas would be a great threat. They would look adorable, and even entice millions of Malaysians to embrace the pandas. What's more worrying is, it would well be the Malaysian taxpayers to house and feed the pandas. Imagine - the perfect subterfuge operation financed by Malaysia against Malaysia.

Tun, I sincerely hope you can look into this before it is all too late. Tun, it would take a brave man to fight these two well-connected pandas. After all, it appears that Dr. Chua Sok Lek is supporting the pandas! As the Malay proverb goes, "Api dalam sekam". Yes - that's truly disappointing, and you have my personal assurance I do not support Dr. Chua (nor the pandas).

Tun, I wish you well in your fight against the pandas and the communist sympathizers. If there is any help that you need, I would be happy to assist. I do know of a few massage ladies from China, and they could be trained to be our double-agent in China. Again, I truly regret having the need to trouble you after your retirement.

Yours truly,

Hamsap Uncle

PS: No wonder the Police arrested Anwar. He had a black eye too.. (at some stage), and could well be trying to transform into a panda. We must continue to keep an eye (and other CCTV recordings) of Anwar.

Thank you, Dr. Chua

Dear Dr. Chua Soi Lek.

Many thanks for pointing out that Lim Guan Eng (LGE) would be self-sabotaging Penang by refusing to privatize the Penang port.

After all, LGE must realize the investments and port efficiencies when privatized.Take the Port Klang Free Trade Zone (PKFZ). It has cost the government billions to build. It's so efficient. It is now raking in billions and we will soon get our return of investment. It was also run by a GM who had some trouble reading financial statements, but nevertheless, the results were fantastic.

So, LGE, please take a leaf from Dr. Chua's book. It would make billions. Very good investment. Why decline it?

http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/malaysia/article/soi-lek-penang-self-sabotaging-by-rejecting-port-privatisation/

Oh well, enough of talk. Something to look at. 

9AM - What the eff?

9 am, on a work day. My phone rings. My phone says it is a "Private Number".

Me: Hello.

Caller: Hello ... hello.

Me: Yes?

Caller: Hi Hi. Can you hear me? I am xxx. 

Me: Yes?

Caller: I got your number from Ms. A. Errr.... you interested to play couple?

Me: But I am a single guy.

Caller: My wife and I want a single guy to join us. I heard you are good. Can I know more about you? 

            What's your weight and height?

Me: I am sorry - but can we talk about this later? 

Caller: But later we will be going back to ......

Me: Another time, then...

Caller: OK. We will call you when we are next in KL.

Here I am thinking. What the eff. It's bloody 9am on a Wednesday. A work day. Asking me if I am interested to fuck his wife? I checked again. Nope - Malaysia did not win the Thomas Cup 2012 - so, no last minute public holidays. VVIPs : None passed on overnight.

So, what was this guy thinking? I mean, sure - of course I enjoy sex. A lot. But hey, I do have to work. On top of that, I know my priorities. I have meetings, appointments and what not. Surely I cannot just drop everything (my pants included) to do your wife. More over, I have no clue who your wife is or is worth the trouble. I do enjoy my bedroom activities, but as they say - never mix business with pleasure. If you must mix business with pleasure, make sure it is in that order.

What the eff. Why was he asking about my height and weight. I mean, shit - I never worry about a gal's height and weight. More pertinent questions would have been:

• What's the size of your dick (for guys) / boobs (for gals)?
• You like oral?
• Any disease?
• Condoms OK?
• How long can you perform?

Height and weight? For a moment, I bloody thought if he was my insurance agent sneaking up on me to see if I am healthy or am I engaging in random sex. The only time they ask about height and weight would be for a medical examination, and I don't mean the kinky kind.

And I have to warn Miss A not to give out my number to idiots.

For Jib Gor

In the past, I have mentioned the best way for Bersih to succeed, including not paying taxes (by not buying cars, etc).

To be fair, I have as few words for Jib Gor too. What could be done, if I were Jib Gor. Here's what I would have done:

On the day of Bersih 3.0, I would fly into Dataran Merdeka. Imagine that! Land in style, with a chopper (not Nuri, thank you). Then, I would walk out and address the crowd.

1. All BERSIH demands will be met before the next GE.
2. Immediately table new laws / amendments to fulfil whatever demands that cannot be done due to some outdated law.
3. All postal votes will be abolished. Instead, they can vote early. 
4. Voters list will be cleaned up.
5. Invite Ambiga & Co. as one of the task force members to implement a fair elections for Malaysia.
6. Invite the Bar Council as well.
7. SPR will be directly to ensure fair elections; and to come up with their own verification of voters - instead of relying on JPN. 
8. All public transport will be free to transport BERSIH participants out of KL - but that's until 5pm only.
9. Thank them for their concern for the future of the company.

Get up chopper. Fly out in style.

Imagine. What will Anwar have left to say. Nothing? Ambiga - nothing much, but she will be forced to thank Jib Gor. 

Will Jib Gor then worry about losing the elections when it is fair? I doubt it. He could have won over the 100k to 200k voters on the spot.

Alas, he did not. This was his chance to be Superman, and triumph over Anwar. But he did not.

Been Away

I have not had the chance to blog much lately, mainly due to time and work constraints. Will do my best to keep the post coming (no pun intended).

To all the comments, thank you. I am not able to answer all of it individually.

As far as Hard Wood is concerned - it should not be that difficult. It is *at the back* of Souled Out. Right *at the back* of Souled Out, is a 'mamak' shop. A few shops away, is a hardware shop. Hardwood is within the same row. It has a HUGE red sign board. I think now it is Hard something or the other.

I have been to that area very often lately - but not to Hardwood. I must check it out soon. I did see two gals walking up the stairs to Hardwood. I suspect they would be the service provider. Both had very nice assets. But alas, I have yet to perform due diligence on the assets presented.